Saturday, 29 August 2009
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I'm Not Dating Until I'm 18
That's this seventeen year old semi-attractive girl's plan. You can go ahead and gasp or chuckle or ask yourself if I even like boys? But why would you think this is so weird? Yes, I just said it. What is wrong with me for not wanting a boyfriend until I am 18? Actually I have a few really good, honest-to-Go, reasons. (P.S. When I say boyfriend I mean dating, holding hands, pet names, all that other stuff. I am not at all opposed to going on dates. )
1. I'm still finding out who I am.
- While this may sound as cheesy as all get out, it's so true! And you may think, well you need other people to find out who you are deep down inside. Uhm, no offense, but if you need other people to help you figure out who you are, you really aren't finding out who you are. You are discovering a person that lives to please other people. There is nothing wrong with having friends that you go to advice, but I remember when I was younger I wanted to change everything about myself to get one guy to like me. And I don't want to be the guy that I had a crush on. I want to be ME.2. I am independent.
- Now this might not be applicable to everyone but, I have a life. During the school year I work towards getting a beautiful college resume. My schedule is jam-packed. Last year alone I was involved in a sports team, pep squad, FCA, a community service organization, several different school fan clubs, church choir, a college class, and almost 5 AP classes. All of that is to say I am busy. But I love being busy finding myself and helping others. My sister dates a boy who goes to my school and I never see her anymore. I would hate to feel that tied down. I like being able to go wherever and do whatever with whoever without worrying about how my boyfriend feels about that decision. That's all I got to say.3. It causes almost no drama with the parents.
- Unless you are super close with your girl friends your parents are typically gonna be okay with it. Some parents might think you are gay or whatever, so you might want to say a boy here and there is cute. My parents (sarcastically) told me I wasn't gonna date 'til I was 30. I seriously haven't dated anyone ever and they are cool with it most of the time. Sometimes they'll joke about it but if I brought home half of the boys I've just "talked to" home with the title of boyfriend, I doubt they would think it was funny.4. I want to be nice to everyone and not worry about it.
- In my past there are so many guys that were absolute jerks and that I was a jerkface to as well. And I think the fact that I never was in a relationship with them helped my friendship with them. I saw boys in two different ways. There are guy friends and boyfriend-potential guys. One is the guy who you is like your brother. The other is someone you wish would love you in a not-so-brotherly way. And I've learned by those people that they can't really tell the difference between normal niceness and flirting. So it's so much easier to tell your best guy friend that you just don't date, than tell him you don't like him like that. (Don't ever say that and then date a different guy the next week. That is soooooo wrong.)5. It's a great rejection line.
- Kinda from the last one. What you might not know about me is that I am a total freak magnet, no offense. Like the creepy guys that stalk you or are jerks to everyone except you will just be creepier or meaner if you tell them the real reason that you don't want to date them. Maybe it's just me and confrontation, but no matter who it is I feel so mad for them when I reject them. I hate awkward moments, this way it's not a personal thing against them, but a personal decision.6. Abstinence.
- Although some people will disagree with me on this one I believe that sex is for marriage. And knowing my values and who I am and that I am God love me no matter what a guy tells me, helps me stand up for my beliefs. Is it easy? Absolutely not. I am not going to lie. However, research has shown more girls will give away their virginity between the ages of 11-15 because they think that it is the cool thing to do and that "everyone else is doing it." (pun intended) I know sex is not something everyone is doing. I don't have to do that to fit in. For a while though, when I was younger it seemed that way. Because I am waiting until I am 18 til I have a boyfriend I know that I can set boundaries and that I am a role model for girls to stand up for their beliefs.7. Your kids.
- After 18 I want to date a nice Christian boy, get married, have kids or adopt. And when the time comes your kids are bound to ask when you started dating, if you did drugs, the whole nine yards. So when you say,"Honey, I didn't date til I was 18." If they don't want a boyfriend or can't find one you can always comfort them with that line. Yes, it may seem crazy but my friend and I made a deal that neither one of us would date until we turned 18 a few months before both of us turn 18. She cannot find a boy she likes that is decent for the life of her and she is sad about it all the time. I understand what that's like and how that can make you feel so alone. I made that deal with her because I love her (no, I'm not a lesbian) and I want her to never feel like she isn't good enough for a boy. So when my kids feel like they aren't good enough or pretty enough I can tell them about how I felt those things and how people said those things about me because I didn't have a boyfriend.All in all, I'm not having a boyfriend because I don't want to. It's a complication in my life that I don't need. Some people do wonderful with a boyfriend, and it brings out the best in them, my sister, but that's not who I think I am, yet anyway. Has it been easy? The pure notion is laughable. People are going to talk, but that's because I walk against the grain. And that is what God commands of me. I finally figuring out who I am in Christ and that my identity is in Him alone, not a guy.
- Why do you date or not date?
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About the Author
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- From: deathcantholdme@xanga
- About Me: You can read about how i feel. here. Because its a secret.
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Comments (96)
Well, I didn't date until I was 17, but it wasn't personal choice.
I didn't start dating until just a month before I turned 18, and I'm so glad I waited because I had just the perfect first boyfriend ever, even though it didn't work out, we are still friends.
I won't date now. I don't know when or if I will ever be able to have another romantic relationship. I just can't handle it, I can't even stand the thought.
It is what you choose to do and I do respect that but there's no need to disdain or put off something like that either. Sex until marriage, OK. But dating? I mean, something like that does help you figure out who you are, it helps show you what to look for and who not to like, setting aside the possibility that an amazing boy awaits you and you may end up neglecting something beautiful.
I am the exact same way. I'll have boyfriends. I have had boyfriends. I don't have many but I think as I'm growing up, I'm 16 now, the boys are getting worse and farther away from my beliefs. I do believe in sex saved for marriage and a valued kiss. In fact, I haven't had my first kiss yet. I don't like the whole party scene and to be frank, there's not many boys that fit what I'm looking for. I do get lonely a lot but I'm also independent and I'm saving it all for my future spouse. I just hope he's waiting for me.
its really smart that someone young has so much perspective on life. however...things don't usually work out like that, but it'll be awesome if you stick to your plan!
I agree. I don't want to date until I'm 18. I tried dating once, didn't like it though. My boyfriend was too mushy and clingy. He wanted me to call and text him all the time and it's getting in the way of my studies. I broke up with him coz I wanna graduate with honors and get a good job in the future. :))
:D good decision
As commendable as your wishes are, let me be the first to say that life often goes the furthest from how it is planned.
Best of luck.
amazing!!! i have never dated a boy either. i am 18 and i havent dated either so i am glad that you have actully done this. i am alos glad that you will abstincene from sex because every teen and person who isnt married needs to know tha abstincene is the right thing to do so thanks for this post and keep strong
I'm a guy and I didn't start dating until my Senior year. It lasted about two months. Now I realize that it was too much stress. I have no desire to date at the moment and I'd be perfectly happy if I remained single for a long time.
Maybe it's just me, but it's not that shocking of a thing to not do any of those things.
Good for you but...why 18 ?
why not 20, 31 or 17 and 9 month ?
What is exactly going to change that day you turn 18 that will change how well you know yourslef, how independent you are, the 'life' you have or how much your parent will care or worry about your relationships ?
I do understand where you're coming from, but at the same time ... it doesn't always work out the way you expect it to. I didn't think I'd start dating until college ... but I met my boyfriend during sophomore year of high school, and we've been dating ever since.
I think that while dating him, I've learned a lot about myself. I realized what was important to me, what wasn't ... what things I needed to change about my life, and what things I should start to value. Also, it's a lot easier to hang out with boys, especially when they know I'm taken, so there's none of that "omgosh is he flirting with me?" kind of thing lol.
I'm glad you want to wait though. (: Good luck!
You'll always be finding yourself and figuring out who you are. That isn't the best reason to avoid dating though; it may be a reason to go for it. The most complex and meaningful relationships make the most complex and meaningful parts of you come to the surface. If it is simple immaturity, then that is a good reason to wait.
Meanwhile, I really think it is a good idea to wait, because you've got other things you're doing that are good in this time and you're simply not interested now. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. Now is not your season for romance; yours will be later.
Lol to (5). Bein' 22 I can't use that excuse.
To answer your question at the end: Falling in love with friends is easy. Dating isn't easy.
it's not like you're going to find out who you are by the time you turn 18. live a little :]
You will always learn new things about yourself. Turning 18 won't automatically make you all grown up and ready to take on the world. You learn a LOT about yourself in relationships, going to college, working a job or jobs etc. I heard a statistic once that people change the most from 18 to 22. It make sense. I am definitely a different person from when I was 18 as far as my thoughts, perspectives, ideals and general self goes. But you do have some good points, so I'm not doggin' on you or anything. Just speaking from experience :D
I didn't date until I was 18 either...not really by choice though (and it was a totally sucky relationship).
@PlanRencontre - Totally what I was going to say.
Sorry to break it to you, but you're not going to wake up on your 18th birthday and realize that, all of a sudden, you're "an adult", and things are going to be better/different for you. Being 18 isn't going to change anything, because it's just a number. If you're mature and intelligent and confident, you can be dating at 17 and be able to handle it.
It's a personal choice, and I'm not slamming you for that. I just think it's ridiculous to come up with a list of justifications for making that choice. You don't have to have sex just because you're in a committed relationship, and if your parents are going to give you drama and grief, you can be that's not going to magically stop when you turn 18, either. So don't come up with all sorts of reasons and then post it up in public and hope for a bunch of empty platitudes complimenting you on your decision.
I totally understand whatt you're saying even if I don't agree with it. I dated my boyfriend of 4 years since I was 15 and he helped me learn a lot about relationships and how to grow the fuck up bascially (since he's 2 , almost 3 years older than me). We are friends at the moment and I couldn't be happier that I had such an amazing experience. I don't regret it one bit.
But to each her own right?
:)
I didn't plan for anything either, but things like sometimes just happen, as other people have said. I didn't plan on dating anyone, especially since I knew I was going away for college, but I ended up dating someone when I was 17 and a half.
1. I'm still finding out who I am.
Why do you need to find yourself? IMO, just keep doing what you're doing. For one thing, you do learn about yourself more when you let a person get close to you. There is your self perspective and there is the perspective of others. Sometimes you may think you are wise and smart for your age but to others you are still young and inexperienced. You may think you have high confidence but to others it comes off as arrogance. You realize many thing through others. Don't limit your perception to yourself but don't completely base it off others (like that crush you had). There's a healthy balance between the two. With that said there are many surfaces to you that you didn't even know you had when you let someone in close to your heart.
Anyway, I didn't date until I was 17 going on 18. I had many opportunities but I just waited til I was ready. There is no set age for this type of thing. It all boils down to maturity. And trust me, everything didn't go as planned!
@Kyren_SkyRyder@xanga - ditto.
IMO, six-ish months isn't going to change your independence/self discovery/parental issues. you'll probably still attract "freaks" when you're 18, and you'll be learning about yourself and growing far into the future. 18 is just a number. why not set a goal to not date until you've accomplished a particular goal in finding yourself or in life? it's less tangible than age, but it's more meaningful and can actually substantiate some of these reasons.
and relationships aren't always terrible. the people you know who are "tied down" in theirs sound like they have bad relationships. yours will be what you make of it.
Hm. This reminds me of one of my friends who is absolutely irked at the fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend. I asked him at one point what he was looking for in a girl - she has to be a certain race, have a nice body, be funny, not Asian...
Basically, it was a tall order. And the whole time I was thinking that you can't control who you have a crush on. Sure, you can set standards for yourself, but usually those sparks tend to fade when they're superficial.
It's similar to this. Although it's not bad that you're waiting till you're 18, just now that anyone out there could hit you right between the eyes before you even know it.
I was in my first relationship at 16. I wanted to wait it out until college as well but things don't always go the way you plan. But it's nice how firm you are in your decision. Good luck!
I understand your point but I think you could just be shutting out great guys for no reason. I mean, some of your reasons I do get - being too busy, wanting to have your own life..Things like that are great. But I also think it's nice to have someone you really care about and figure out what you like in guys as well. What is so significant about 18 anyway? If you're so busy with things now, and plan on going to college - I'm sure you're going to be just as busy then. You can still be nice to whoever you want while you have a boyfriend, not have sex until you're married, and everything else. I don't like to think of dating as being with someone who is going to hold me back or someone I have to change my life around for (no matter how old I am). I just think it's nice to be able to have someone to share all that with. Good luck with it though!