Friday, 28 August 2009
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Wanting A BF You've Never Met in Person?
I've noticed a considerable amount of online dating success stories from those people or anyone else that thinks they will be able to pass on some online dating knowledge to me and anyone else seeking the same information.
First off, the guy that I am romantically interested in is currently in Afghanistan with the army. He was deployed after we met and became friends on a dating website. We started off as just friends because of his upcoming deployment, but it only lasted for a couple of months before the romance between us blossomed. It was just inevitable. Things are still going well for us, but neither one of us is willing to make anything official before we meet in person. Online dating does have a lot of advantages, more so for us, I believe, because we started out just as friends. Right from the beginning we weren't glamorizing our lives to keep the other one interested. But even with all of the advantages of online dating, the disadvantage is there isn't much guidance for those who are unable to meet in person, but want to keep the relationship alive and moving forward.In person dating rules are a lot easier to understand. I've been on the losing end of online dating before. Sometimes it goes as far as meeting. I had a boyfriend for a couple months that I had originally met online. Then sometimes the interest just fades and you stop keeping in contact. They become a memory, usually a good one. There are also the people you meet that become lifelong friends. I had a friend who we've been through a lot of crap together and hadn't met until this year, six years after we met online and became buddies. Then there are those stories that I have heard and witnessed a few, where they just get it right. Like I mentioned, those are the people I hope to hear from. What are some of the guidelines you went through that you'd like to pass down?
Is it ridiculous to think that you could want a boyfriend that you've never met in person? Is love ridiculous when you've never met face to face? Are there rules as a woman that could help keep myself protected even though I do trust this man? Were there certain indications that this is going to work or was that merely something you had to wait and see in person? I guess the fact that I like this guy so much and he seems to be really into me, scares me a bit since we haven't spent anytime together in person. Understandable right? Thank you.
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- From: dazed
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Comments (32)
No it's ok, just don't make any promises til you've dated in person for awhile.
I've never dated someone I met online....but I met my best guy friend EVER (before my husband) online. He was awesome. We stayed up hours talking online or the phone, texting through the day. There was never any romantic interest other than "you're cute...if the zombies take over we can repopulate..." type of attraction but we were very close. We "met" when I was a senior in high school through a mutual friend (who I knew in real life) and we stayed close up until I started dating my now husband.
Online relationships CAN work, they just take a lot of patience and trust!! If you decide to meet...meet during the day, in a very public place...take a friend or two with you...etc. Stay smart. :)
PS --- As a military wife whose husband just came home from Afghanistan, hang in there. Military deployments are hard but...those guys and girls really appreciate the support and love from home. :)
yes, understandable. :)
i'm going through a somewhat similar situation we both live somewhat close about 2 hours apart, but we haven't been talking that long and he's already said he wants me to be his girlfriend. While normally i would think that's crazy the bond i feel with him is intense. We've talked on the phone for hours at a time we're supposed to meet next weekend so I'm hoping we'll be one of those lucky couples that has success with online dating. Best of luck!
everyone on the internet wants me to be their bf
@XxFireXboltxX@xanga - I agree. If you're still interested in this guy, make sure you take all the precautions first. Especially since you'll be meeting for the first time, you might want to take a few friends and meet in a public place.
try talking face to face via web cam if it's available for him.
But my SO and i met online. He's from England and, lucky for me, had just moved not to far from where I lived. We have been together for a year and half now and will be married next May.
It can happen doll, just keep at it!
There is nothing wrong with finding people online. Just keep in mind that for some people online dating sites become something of a compulsive addiction. Like, even if they are happy in a current relationship, they may still check dating sites or make contacts with girls over the net. This gets into a kind of gray area (is this cheating? I dunno?). This may happen even if you feel like you completely trust the guy - it is the kind of thing that most people keep secret.
@givemecoke@xanga - People who met online and have been married for 40plus years? Impossible. The internet was not around in the 1960s/1970s.
yes, its okay, i met my boyfriend online. and we were apart for an entire year and we finally got together and we're completely in love with each other. i love him and he loves me. and we plan to get married. so yes, its possible and it is okay.
I've been dating this guy, who lives in Mexico, for about 9 months now. and so far things have been going great! we are very much in love even though we haven't meant in person. we plan on meeting up with each other very soon. so for me online dating has been going very good.
I think that's fine. I mean, people build a family off of meeting each other online, so it isn't bad for you just wanting to start a relationship off of it. But I wouldn't call it "dating". I mean, you aren't really going places together, right? Anyways, yeah, it's fine. Just don't get super serious until you meet in person.
My boyfriend and I met online. He visits once a month and we've been making things work long distance for almost 2 years now..and at the moment he's looking for a job in the state I live in so we can be closer to each other. I do think it's important to meet the person before you get seriously attached to them though..Just because you never really know if your feelings are certain unless you do. People can be completely different in person than they are online. I definitely think things can work out though. I obviously wouldn't be in the relationship I'm in if I thought otherwise.
Good luck!
My boyfriend (who lives in Denmark) and I started off as friends on the internet, but over 7 months, we became really close. So...this summer he stayed with me for a month and a half. We are almost 10 months now and going as strong as ever. So yes, internet is important in our relationship. And it's okay if you haven't met him yet. :)
My boyfriend and I met online, and I love him. It's understandable and possible. It's worked for many people.. it's just not for everyone though.
I like meeting people online. I find that I'm much more willing and much less worried about what they think of me because at the end of the night, there's always that glorious block button. Granted, Human interaction is very important, my current interest is (for now) online and we just took the step to "Significant Other", meaning, we're committing ourselves to seeing what happens. I can't wait to meet him for the first time =]
just dont get too serious until you meet the person. otherwise its all good =)
i don't really know what to think about online dating. i've never done that before, i've always met that person in-person first. i guess you can say that for me love isn't blind. i've never believed that love is blind anyway. from the stories that i've heard from friends sharing, it always seems like the online relationship is good until they actually meet and then it falls apart. maybe your story is different.
@Morningstarrising@xanga - technically speaking I was just over exaggerating it to make the point. I didn't really actually mean 40 plus years.
go for it girlfriend. :)
My husband and I met online, so I guess I can share the things that helped our relationship survive the year we spent living in seperate countries (I moved to be with him after that long).
The biggest thing that'll help is communication. I know that's kind of a "Well, duh!" thing to say, but it's true. If you like the person, be honest and tell them. Find out how they feel, and talk about how to take things from there. If you want to date, say it. If you want to keep things open while he's away and see what happens when he comes back, say it. The big sticker here is making sure you're both on the same page and know exactly what's going on - helps you avoid the situation where one of you thought you were exclusively dating and the other thought you weren't.
Other than that, regular communication is always helpful. If you've got the ability to call each other, do it. Even if it's once in a while, hearing their voice can do wonders for you. If you can't call each other, e-mail and chat as regularly as possible. Talking on a regular basis helps you from straying away from the relationship because you never get to talk.
If you two decide to date, try to get a picture of him. Something small to carry in your wallet that you can look at whenever you want. And send him one of you. Being able to look at their face whenever you need to is a blessing when you're not able to see them.
The last bit of advice is don't forget you still have to work at this. No relationship is free of stress, and online relationships have just as much of it as a regular relationship. They're not easier because of the lack of contact, and in a lot of respects, they can be harder than dating someone you can meet all the time. Don't get caught up in your own problems and forget that there's someone else to worry about, too. And if you're having a problem with the situation (like being frustrated that you can't see the other person, etc), talk to them about it. Having them there to talk with you when you're stressing out over your situation can help A LOT. -- My husband and I had this talk quite a bit, and the thing that helped me deal with it was a) he was so strong about it, which encouraged me to pull through it for him, and b) he'd help me by pointing out "Well, look at it this way, ___ more months, and you'll be able to see me all you want." Things like that can be very helpful.
Really, that's about all I've got. Honestly though, the best advice I can give you is to do what your heart tells you to do, and try to make things work as best you can, just like you would with any other relationship. Don't listen to the people who try to tear your apart for being in an online relationship, and use your friends for support.
Oh, and good luck. :)
I met this guy that I am def more than just interested in online, but it wasn't on one of those dating websites. I met him on facebook's 'Are You Interested', ironically enough. haha We
got into contact on Myspace, as well, but I've honestly never met him.I have only seen pictures of him (he's seen pictures of me), since he lives
in the East coast, while I'm here living in California. We both try to
talk to each other, whether it be on the phone, myspace, or just
through email, as much and often as we could. We've told each other everything we could about ourselves, including our faults/flaws, yet we both are still more than just interested in each other.
According to his friends, I am known as HIS girl, vice versa with my friends. All that needs to
happen now, is to make what we have for each other, official -relationship-wise.
i failed 2 times with 2 diff guy i met online....even i met them in person...he came to my place several times...but still gotta go back to his place which far away...hard to mantain long distance relationship....i never want that again...
@Morningstarrising@xanga - @givemecoke@xanga - i don't exactly understand how you can exaggerate how long someone that has met online has been married for. lol
Anything's possible.
I'm guilty of meeting friends (and occasionally boyfriends) through good friends on Facebook...