I've been living with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We spent the better part of our relationship living in my mother's house. Recently we moved out on our own, into a small(ish) 2 bedroom apartment. We were using the extra bedroom as our living room until recently when one of our best friends got dumped by his girlfriend and he moved in. So far none of us seem fazed by the fact that we're two boys and one girl living in such close quarters. I'm a tomboy and have always gotten along better with boys than girls.
The problem is that we're getting a lot of comments from outsiders who seem to think that our living situation is wrong or weird. Those comments don't really bother me too much (who are they to judge?) but the comments that really irk me are the ones that people are making about my faithfulness. My boyfriend tells me that he gets a lot of slack from the guys at work, semi-joking to him that I'm cheating on him while he's at work, or at the very least that I'll garner an emotional affair with our new roommate.
This really bothers me. I've never cheated on my boyfriend, nor will I ever. People say to me "But why add the temptation?"
There is no temptation to me. This guy that lives with us is a friend and nothing more. Not only do we have intensely different opinions on most aspects of life, I do not find this guy attractive in the least. And even if I did, there is nothing I would do to ruin my current relationship, which I'm hoping will be my last, my forever relationship.
I don't want our new living situation to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend but I also don't want it to ruin our friendship with probably our best friend. I wish people would just keep their opinions to themselves about it because we didn't see a problem with it at all until people started commenting.
What do you think? Is it weird for a girl to live with two guys? Should outsiders just keep their mouths shut or are they entitled to their opinion?
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Comments (29)
Sometimes people really need to mind their own business. It's when you let people's comments affect you that things start stirring. =/
You're just dealing with society, it'll happen alot more than it already is. Keep doing what you're doing and forget about what anyone else says about YOUR living arrangements. There's obviously no problem with it from what I can see. People living together is people living together, what is so freaking hard to understand about that? As long as you don't let what anyone says bother you, you'll be fine. It is in no way wrong or weird. I'll bet a large majority percentage of those people have everything fed to them by their parents, and have no clue what it's like to live independently.
So I say fuck the idiots talking crap, and live a happy life with your bf and the best friend.
i don't think it's weird at all. the people doubting your fidelity speak volumes more of their own insecurities than of yours or your boyfriend's. something is only a "temptation" if you find it... well, tempting. but you don't, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with your living situation.
everyone is entitled to their opinion (though it should be conveyed tactfully), but you don't have to take it if you don't want to.
Honestly, you should all just continue living with each other as long as it works. People can say what they want but they're just idiots who like to spread rumours :|
It's not strange at all. I guess a guys mind tend to wander just like a girls would.
I would think it would be "weird" to people of the older generation. And everyone always assumes that you are gonna cheat with the new guy because of all the shows on like Maury and Jerry Springer, when in reality, that's not always the case. Personally, I think that's okay...
It's not strange, although I can understand why someone might think that. Even then, it's not very appropriate or tactful to actually voice such an opinion.
Xangans are being smart here. People where you live need to STFU. What a pack of fucking retrograde morons. I used to live with a girl I was dating, in a house with a single guy, and another couple. The guy of the other couple was interested in my then-girlfriend and so was the single guy, but we were all polite and nobody was gonna act on anything until someone got single. As far as I know, nothing happened. If we could handle what we KNEW was kinda weird sexual tension (but we all got along a-ok), then a bunch of rumors from idiots who didn't even live in the house, wasn't even worth consideration.
Yeah, fuck a bunch of that shit, as they say in Kentucky :)
live your life the way u been living it, let people say what they want. only GOD can judge u and thats the only person u should be worried about. other people have nothing else to gossip about so they have to gossip about something right? so let them say what they want just dont let it get to u because if u do then u let them idiots win and then u wont be happy with your living situation and thats really uncomfortable and then thats going to mess up your relationship with your boyfriend and so on and so on. LIVE YOUR LIFE AND FORGET ABOUT THE OTHERS.
when my sister and her boyfriend lived with his friend, his friend actually made her feel like crap all the time, and eventually caused her boyfriend to start fighting with her over stupid things.
My mother actually still gets mad at me when I mention boys sleeping over at my apartment. I told her that it is possible to sleep in the same room, and not have sex, but she said "The temptation is still there."
people are ridiculous. I know.
That's stupid. I say just ignore the people saying those things. From what I read in this post, there's nothing wrong with the three of you living together.
Society's gonna look down upon it, but everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Some might have a problem, some might not, and some just might not care. If you want to live with two guys, go ahead. People will talk, just ignore.
eh, i have 1 female and 1 male roommate in manhattan. no one cares.
people should mind their own business. don't count on that happening anytime soon, though.
my boyfriend and i faced this issue when my female roomie moved out. we had to find a replacement, and i made it clear i was NOT interested in having a male roommate replacement. initially, i had no idea why, but as i thought about it realized--i don't want to worry about the temptation. i feel pretty confident that nothing would have happened, but my imagination is crazy so all sorts of other "what ifs" came up.
for whatever reason, though, i see nothing wrong with having another female living with my boyfriend and i...i guess because i know i can trust him. that and if homegirl makes a move on my man i will kill a bitch. then kick her out.
Have you heard of the ladder theory?
It's pretty much a theory that girls have 2 distinct ladders- a friend ladder and a boyfriend ladder. When she meets a boy, she organizes the boy into a ladder of her choosing. According to the theory best friends can leap from the top of the friend ladder to the bottom of the boyfriend ladder.
Since you said he was a close friend, I guess society (your friends/etc) are scared that he might make the leap. Plus, living together if you see him naked or some other catalytic action occurs, you may see yourself in a different position.
Personally, I think it's fine. I trust you. But, I also understand what others are saying. :)
Outsiders should keep their mouth shut unless the know all of the situation. Unfortunately, that's never going to happen. The only thing you need to worry about is making sure your boyfriend realizes how much you care about HIM.
And I don't see any problem with your living situation. Besides, I think it's a lot less common for girls to date their BF best friends than the reverse anyways. I could be wrong, but it seems that guys can't resist temptation, and girls can usually keep control.
And, if you want an awkward situation, I met a guy this summer who invited me to move in with him and his fiance. I met the fiance and she totally agreed, saying that I could be with her man whenever she didn't feel like it. >.> Now that is a situation 'outsiders' could judge. ((and, for the record, i decided not to move in, figuring it wouldn't be a very good situation >.< ))
--Reece Darlene
Not in your situation. You're fine. As long as all three of you are comfortable, why should anyone's relationship get ruined?
does your boyf know how you feel? i'm sure he trusts you enough, otherwise there would've been some kind of confrontation or whatever.
don't listen to what outsiders say about your relationship.
you definitely know more about the situation than them anyway [:
Ultimately, it's your friends and co-workers saying that your arrangement is weird, not you, your boyfriend, or your friend. Until one of the guys you live with says it's weird, let it be! There's a certain amount of trust involved, and unsaid boundaries, so I think you'll be ok.
not at all....like, fuck what everyone else thinks. as long as u and ur bf are secure with one another and ur relationship then you two should be fine.
it seems as though you are perfectly strong and confident in your relationship but it also seems as though your bf maybe having SOME thoughts which is never good....any weakness is a stepping stone for bigger insecurity issues. Just make sure he feels secure throughout and it should all be ok.
like he maybe be fine now but with everyone wanting to input their opinions and not only that but implant horrible ideas......it could shake him a bit even though it is completely far fetched and ridiculous. ya know what I mean??
paranoia and insecurity is a horrible thing.
People need to chill. Ignore them, and keep an open line of communication with your boyfriend. That's all you can do. There's nothing wrong with your living situation...you're helping out a friend! Don't let those people ruin things. Like I said--ignore the people, communicate with your boyfriend. That should keep things running smoothly and avoid any problems.
-Katie
there is always potential for a problem when you've got a girl living with two guys.
it doesn't matter what you think right now, you're really playing with fire.
Shoot its me and my husband and then three other guys.........
nor do i feel anything or will i ever feel anything for any of them.......my husband is deploying....
i know ppl will start to talk... but hey you know what you like and what your morals are.....
so i say just let them talk.
Only you and the two will know the full truth of the situation you know.
Obvi yoru boyfriend wouldn't really have thought twice about it were it not for those comments so continue helping out a friend.
I can't see how this would jeopardize your relationship unless your boyfriend harbors the same suspicions strangers do. Yes, they're entitled to their opinions. Close-minded, stupid, prejuidicial opinions, sure, but they're theirs to keep.
YOU are entitled to believe or disregard those opinions as you will. Just because the world will judge you doesn't mean you need to conform.
As long as your boyfriend, and the friend, and you are all content with the living arrangements, and none of the relationships (yours and your boyfriend's, especially) are suffering, then why complain? Sharing living space is a great money saver in this economy, and I think it can be a lot of fun.