More and more I have been hearing about relationships where the girl is constantly slapping and hitting her SO. Being on the other side of an abusive relationship, I didn't realize how often men are in abusive relationships, too. I first heard stories about it when my neighbor told me about an acquaintance of hers was always hitting her boyfriend. I've usually been friends with my exes but randomly one of mine sent me an email saying he couldn't talk to me anymore and he was sorry, come to find out he was in an abusive relationship and wasn't allowed to talk to me (she also was constantly hitting him). Then I learned that a friend of mine had a past pattern of trying to beat up any guy that lost interest in her...scary.
I'm really bothered by this. In no way do I think it is okay for ANYONE to be hit by their SOs, male or female. I just don't think that it is deserved and if something bad enough for fists to start flying, I feel like walking away is a better option. Like I said, I was in an abusive relationship, so I know that it can be hard to end things because of it and it's scary, and I know that abusive relationships are common (not making it okay, of course). I didn't realize how often the tables were turned like this, though, and it upsets me.
What are your thoughts?
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Comments (48)
Agreed. My ex-boyfriend shoved me once in anger and I fell back onto the couch. He apologized countless times and asked for my forgiveness. I couldn't answer him and immediately suggested that we ended the relationship. I eventually forgave him and he never laid a hand on me like that again. We later broke up, but for completely different reasons.
While I was dating him though, his girl friends would always hit him really hard... I always thought it was an abusive friendship. But he was okay with it all the time, saying it didn't hurt and they didn't mean any harm. But when they crossed the line, I politely told them to stop... if I was there. Haha I was protective of my ex.
it's not ok for girls to hit any more than it is for guys to hit. and if you throw the first punch, you're pretty much asking for it.
and that pictures is so overwrought with bad acting, haha.
Well, I think it depends on the abuse. If the girl is hurling insults that she knows will, and really will, hurt the guy, along with punching and scratching him or throwing heavy stuff at him, of course that's hurtful. But the guy is more powerful than the girl, and he can always overpower her with just brute force.
Once, my dad threw my backpack at me and hit my knee with it. I left the house after that and stayed at my friend's apartment for the weekend. It doesn't even matter whether it's an SO - if it's someone involved in your life, I think that them hitting you is a scary ordeal, very much so, in the first place.
WE LIVE IN A FUCKED UP WORLD SHIT HAPPENS!
What are my thoughts? My thoughts, are first and foremost that I really appreciate this post!
On a less provincial note: One of my best friends had one of those girlfriends ... ahem.. excuse me, EX girlfriends. She had a tendency to go apeshit when she got mad.. or drunk if i remember correctly. I remember him telling me that she actually coldcocked him and gave him a bloody lip.. yeah, closed fist and everything. If i remember correctly, she was drunk ... and beligerant... and he was trying to get her to not drive or someting like that... which made her mad... needless to say, the redhead lived up to the stereotype lol. The funny thing is, is that she's actually a very sweet girl... sexy, cool, chill, driven .. all things very awesome... guess she just happened to hit that vein of anger every once and again.
I'll say this as a side note.... Its situatoins like these (as well as a couple others) that men.. well, SOME men show the absolute most self control. When the average man is struck, his first reaction is to strike back.. and establish dominance by striking harder
Agreed. While a man hitting a woman is more likely to cause serious physical damage, domestic violence where men are the receiver goes drastically underreported. Some guys will laugh if they hear about a man who gets beat up by his woman, but it isn't funny.
People who hit their SOs are bad. I only jokingly hit my SO. We play fight.
Domestic abuse is one of those sensitive subjects, for both men and women. I know many men who, if they were ever slapped or assaulted by their SO's, would not tell anyone for fear of ridicule. In my culture, where a sensitive man or man who cannot handle himself, is viewed as weak and therefore does not have to be respected the desire to keep quiet is more important than a slap in the face. Still not talking about it does not make the situation go away.
My big question is why does a person, man or woman, put up with such abuse? Low self esteem? The warped view that maybe they deserve to be assaulted? Perhaps they would rather take the abuse than lose what they have with the other person?
OF COURSE... if the slapping or punching is done in the bedroom with mutual consent then its all good.
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yeah, either way its not cool. one of my exes straight out slapped me in front of my friends all because one of my close girl friends came over to give me a hug. shit was not cool. and then some people think biting is sexy....then theres her trying to bite my lip off. some bullshit. abuse is a two way street that no one should drive on.
My thoughts: if it ever comes to blows, regardless of the aggressor: time to end it. Simple as that. No questions. No replies. At the very least: a 7-day break for the couple. This applies even in such a simple circumstance as, perhaps the female is 5' 0" and strikes the guy standing at 6'4" or whatever the circumstances.
That's just my take on it...
@t_zie@xanga - You're comments aren't funny anymore. This one crosses the line of decorum, don't you think?
Oh me too, I hate reading online or hearing someone say that a woman should kick a guy in the ball over everything or slap him/hot him. How is it any different than a man hitting a woman? Just because a woman is generally weaker than man doesn't make it okay, and that is an excuse I hear alot over it.
I tell girls all the time that kicking a guy is generally not the answer just because you are mad, only if you are being attacked or raped, he is hitting you, and MAYBE if he cheated/gave you a disease.
And hitting/slapping is just as bad, just because you are mad doesn't give you the right to hit your man.
And despite my picture I am a woman, and the only time I ever hit a man was when he decided I was his punching bag.
Agreed!!
i know i verbally abuse my bf, friends, family of course as a joke and everyone knows that. in the physical aspect i like to joke around and smack my friends here and there. but i guess to on lookers it looks like im abusing them by slapping them really hard.
abuse is when 1 party feels they are being violated. if telling to stop doesn't help, i would say seek for help and get away from people like that ASAP!
there's gotta be a better way to release anger than physical violence.
i've never had a gf hit me seriously. sure jokingly, or maybe if i made a joke and they punched me in the arm or something, but noting violent. if it ever did happen though i'd just walk away, cool down, and probably not talk to her for a while. in person i can be pretty physically intimidating to a woman, and even if she kicked me in the bozak, i'd never lay a hand on a woman. in that situation i'd probably just put icy hot in her vagisil bottle or something.
I hit my boyfriend if he spits in my face. And I smack his face good too.
i was in an abusive relationship too, and it got so bad that the police got involved. it is NOT okay for guys to hit girls, under ANY circumstances, and it is not okay for girls to go around slapping guys. wahtever happened to good old silent treatment?!
i had a friend who was with a girl for 3 years who was abusive. she was controlling and demanding and she never let him talk to other girls. she wasn't as physically abusive, though - she did hit him sometimes but it wasn't as bad as the emotional abuse.
he finally broke up with her and had he not moved away for college i don't know what she would've done. he just called her when he was on his way to school, making the drive up, and told her he couldn't be with her anymore. she went insane after that, but i'm glad he wasn't around to be affected by her anger. she had done enough to him already.
@C_UNIT42@xanga - HAHAHA, about the icy hot! that is soooooooo cruel!!!!! oh my god! i'm weak at it though. haha.
it's not okay for anyone to lay hand on anyone else! Whatever the circumstances!
Well I completely agree that abuse is wrong, but a girl who slaps her boyfriend can't really be compared to a guy who breaks her jaw. There is abuse everywhere but there are different types different levels on both sides.
I'm a lesbian and I had a girlfriend who was abusive, but it wasn't slaps in the face... a little more than that. I guess I feel like the worst part was wondering if I would be okay, if I would get out of the house, if I'd live.
I guess that's what I think of when abuse is brought up.
I will always think it's worse if someone who can clearly overpower the other in the relationship gets physical, it just means something completely different, but yes both shouldn't happen.
Ah, reminds me of my cousin and her ex. She threw a fork at him once and it was stuck in his shoulder. He sort of had it coming (long story) but every time I remember that fork just dangling in his shoulder, I laugh like a maniac. Yes, I find it funny. And yes, I know there are too many things wrong with me.
As much as guys are looked down for raising their hand on a woman, a woman should also never raise her hand on a man. I think the only time when I would hit a guy would be if he disrespected my personal space... and touched me. Then he deserves a few vulgar sentences and a slap.
I agree with you. Men and women alike shouldn't be hitting. The only thing where I would allow any kind of hitting would be self defence when NEEDED. I just don't think violence is the answer.