Miss Gorilla
I'd like to think that most of the time I'm a pretty decent girlfriend. For the most part, I'm loving, affectionate, and giving. I surprise my guy with little gifts to show him that I care, I give him both time with me and time to himself, and I'm honest and loyal when it comes to our relationship. However, there is one problem that I have now and it isn't new for me when I'm dating someone long term.
I nag. I complain. I whine. I cry. I guilt trip. I
always like for things to go my way.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I know that everyone has flaws and I've worked on being less annoying. I've tried learning to "go with the flow" when something doesn't work out the way the way that I planned. I think that I've made a significant improvement since my last relationship; however, despite my recent progress, I still feel like a nightmare girlfriend when I act this way. I don't do it often, but every time I throw a little fit to get my way, I feel ten times worse after.
Does this happen to any of you? Do you act this way? Does your SO?
Comments (48)
I didn't want to go to the range with my fiance and he begged and begged until I agreed to go. Admittedly, it was some of the most boring s*** in my life but it could have been worse. While he has his flaws, I'm more than positive I have mine, so we'll call it an even trade
I do want things to go my way, but it's mostly when it comes to food. I guess I'm a picky eater.
When we go out to eat we both ask where we should go, & we both always say "I don't care, anywhere you want." but when he picks a place I don't want to eat at I'll suggest something else and complain until I get my way.
it's not THAT big of a deal, but I'm sure it can get annoying. Saying you're fine with anything and then not really being ok with that. I want to please, but I also want things my way.
>.<
well i mean i do that sometimes, and i think it's because we're so comfortable with them. Kinda like we yell more to people we care about. and etc. just try to lessen it.
im like that too. i think it's just a common trait among women to whine and complain. all we can do is try to have more self-discipline over our mouths :P
@UnopenedSuitcases@xanga - Agreed
Yes. Sounds exactly like me. I really should stop.
I have friends who come to mind at the mention of this. I'm sure I'm guilty of it too at some points in my life... Especially since things rarely go as planned for me. lol. But yeah. I can be a complainer to my closest confidants. I try to avoid it, but I feel like they're the only people I can let the bad as well as the good out to, you know? However, I still need to work on it. They don't deserve all the complaining they hear from me, I'm sure... Especially in terms of my significant other. Poor guy. I try my best to spare him my complaining days. haha.
All that to say this: I believe I can relate to you on some level. We each need to work on that, I think. Anything I can do to help you out, let me know. Perhaps set up a fun little cue word with your guy for him to use when he feels like you're beginning to do said things. That way, he can help you begin to work on it. When he feels you're becoming what you don't want to become, he could use a fun little word to alert you to it without getting the tension up by a sit-down discussion type thing. His role would simply be to let you know "Hey, you're doing it again love." You could use any word that would seem completely random to you guys. Something such as "Oh, bananas!" or "Santa Clause!" or some such.
Hope it helps, and let me know how things go for you with this fella. :)
<3, ~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
I saw a lot of posts attributing this to us being women, but I think that kinda sucks. I don't think it has to do with being women at all. I think it's more human nature. It's like the child side of us coming out and throwing a little fit.
If it only happens now and again, or if this particular thing is really important, then it's not so horrible.
The more annoying part here, to clarify, is not that we want to get our way (because doesn't everybody?) but more the way it's done. Also, it's good to remember that everyone wants things to go their way, relationships are all about compromise.
Next time you want something to go your way, try instead of complaining, think about why you want it to be your way. Then, once you've figured it out, see if it sounds like a valid reason, if it's not, then it's just a childish thing.
If it is a valid reason, then instead of complaining, calmly explain to your SO what that reason is. It is always okay to want something and to be upset if you don't have it. Making yourself a martyr in a relationship only adds stress. And worse, it will make you feel upset or depressed and your SO will have no idea why you feel that way.
Most guys, with very few exceptions, will take what you say at your word to be what you mean. That's how guys operate, and it takes them a while in the relationship to pick up on your version of the girl thing (the girl thing being saying fine and secretly hoping they know something's wrong and come over and make it all better)
Because of this difference in how men and women approach things, a lot of relationships get rocky when they don't have to. The woman starts to feel lonely and unappreciated, and the man never knew anything was a problem.
Open communication is key. No reasonable person, man or woman, can get upset from someone simply voicing an opinion or stating their reasons for something.
Don't complain; talk.
ur a fckn nightmare go kill urself
Eveyone does it, men women, they all whine... Some more than others... You can take it overboard, but I doubt you do, and I bet that he has his way of getting you to do things just the same.
In the beginning of our relationship I did some of that, but then my bf came to me wanting to break-up (this was after over 2 years of dating and we had been fighting more anyway). We both cried and agreed to at least go on a 'break'. Meaning no contact with eachother, but not dating other people to see if being without one another was what we wanted. It was the WORST 5 days of my life! I've never felt so sick and depressed (and apparently he was going through the same thing).
After we reconciled we both grew up a lot. I realized how childish I was being and he's been more mature and attentive as well. Try to correct the behavior, you do not realize how stupid some arguements are or how ridiculous the way you handle those arguements until you've lost (or almost lost) that person. You've got to be more calm, trusting and open to talking rather than crying, whining, or throwing fits.
@UnopenedSuitcases@xanga - i agree
"I nag. I complain. I whine. I cry. I guilt trip. I always like for things to go my way."
I think every girlfriend does this , but its all about the degree. Some gf's nag very little and some a lot. If you do all these things a lot.........then YES, you are a "nightmare gf"! ok, maybe not that bad....there are really far worse.... but its not pleasant. I dated a girl that was ridiculously loving. I mean, I'm not sure anyone could actually love me more.....at the same time, she was ridiculously emotionally high maintenance. It was very difficult to say the least.
I would say try to lower it as much as you can. From what I hear..... the nagging levels will double once you are married....so if its already really high....then it might get kind of ugly.
The good news is, you are aware. The bad news is, it feels worse everytime you just can't handle things and you let go.
Still. You are aware. And you are doing something to make things better. Perfection is an unachievable state. It's a never-ending process. But if you get around proving me wrong and you do become the perfect girlfriend, send me a private message and help me stop being a nightmare girlfriend.
Hehe.
Yeah, I'm quite a handful myself. But my boyfriend is very patient, loving, accepting, and he's very kind in inspiring me to be better--a better girlfriend and a better person.
Good luck!
Maybe it is like a inborn thing that gals nag, whine and stuff. Sometimes I m guilty of that too. And who doesn't wished things will go their way be it guys or gals.Well just try not to do it that often think guys can't really stand that crap of ours..
"I nag. I complain. I whine. I cry. I guilt trip. I always like for things to go my way."
Sounds like a stereotypoical preteen or a little kid, not a girlfriend.
i think i probably do a little as well, but i always try to see what i'm doing from another perspective, and judge whether its the right thing to be doing, objectively. I've only been with my boy for about a year and a half, but we havent had any HUGE blowouts. i hope it stays as such for a while ... i actually hate fighting.
I used to just a little when I was younger. Now I don't. Now, I'm to the total opposite. I have chilled out dramatically.
You do it cuz you probably see it on tv and in the movies. It happens. Overcome.
Okay...should totally learn from your previous relationship. I did.
Shit, I was FUCKED UP. I was the girl every guy wanted to be with..but I turned down everyone til my first love...but I always put myself first because I'm scared to get fuckin' hurt.
Damn, I fucked up.
I was a bitch. nagged. complained. whined. complained some more. guilt trip his ass hardcore. cried about nothing. picked fights...ALLL those shit..
Then now with the one I'm with....
whoa, I am mellow. chill as hell. and all the above.
You gotta love your man..and treat him with respect or he'll leave.
i've been acting like this all the time lately. we've been stressed but him more than me..i dont know whats going on but i hope it passes like a relationship bump. but there are some unanswered feelings i've been having on the side and i have yet to deal with them.
at that time of the month, without fail, i am the nag queen so instead of scaring my boyfriend away, i try to just do me time, read books, watch movies, study, listen to music, baths, workout, or just have girl days with my friends. i really don't want my pms to be the reason why we would break up. that would be terrible.
so.... stop doing it. i know it's easier said than done, but seriously... once you catch yourself starting to act that way, just take a breath and stop, relax.
don't sweat the small things. not worth the aggravation (to yourself OR your bf!)
What feels worse is when you dont do those thing and your SO acts like you do. :/
I know personally that I'm terrified of complaining and becoming a nag to my boyfriend so mostly I have in the past just shut up when something bothers me or I need something. But obviously this is also not a good way to communicate. I think that in general you just need to pick your battles. What is really most important to you to have your way? And finding a better method of getting your SO to do what you would like, perhaps by stressing how important it is to you rather than just whining.