Wednesday, 26 August 2009
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Should I Come Clean about Having Sex?
It's been a week since I've last updated. Why? Because this site isn't my "true" site, I have a confession to make. I actually have a Xanga site that I'm more committed to using than this. This site is just for me to vent whenever I have boy problems or whenever I want to jot down something significant. I don't want to blog about these events on my current Xanga site because I'm afraid people might get the wrong impression and judge me. I know they'll be surprised at some things I blog about on this site if they were ever to see it 'cause I'm not normally like this. Like what? Errr... let's just say. People wouldn't have imagined me dating or having a boyfriend because for years that wasn't important to me. I never felt the need to give up being single or start dating 'cause it looked fun. Nope, before... my sole priorities were school and my family.
And .. now? Are my priorities STILL school and family?
Well, school is obviously out of the question because it's SUMMER TIME! But when September rolls in, school will definitely be one of my top priorities. And family? YES, FAMILY IS ALWAYS FIRST. I will always, always love them no matter what.
Although having a boyfriend may be a wonderful experience, I feel like I've gotten more secretive and less communicative with the world. Why do I have this blog, this SECRET blog? Why am I unable to tell my friends and family what my boyfriend and I do for fun? Why do I feel like I'm betraying my parents whenever I'm out with him?
Yeah, my dad isn't the most supportive father there is when it comes to his daughters having relationships, but I feel like he's doing the right thing. All he wants to do is prevent me from falling too hard and fast. Prevent me from making mistakes and doing the wrong things. He's already told me numerous times that he trusts me, but I feel like I don't deserve that trust at all. I don't tell him .... everything. I WANT to tell him everything. I want to get all of my thoughts out of my head and let him know what's really going on. And maybe after that, I won't have to be so careful with my words around him or anyone for that matter.
P.S. - The "secrets" are mainly just me being sexually active. Most of my friends are clean and single so they would be REALLY shocked to hear what I do. I don't know what to do in this situation - come clean or hide the sexual stories?
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About the Author
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- From: awkward_me
- About Me: This is my secret Xanga, which includes many posts of my love life - good and bad. I'm here to vent, pour my heart out, share some stories and get some advice. I'm just a regular teenager, wanting to get through life without falling too deep.
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Comments (63)
Depends. I have some super sheltered, super conservative Christian friends who would literally think of me as a trashier person and lose a lot of respect for me. I would never tell them that I'm not a virgin since there's nothing to be gained from that.
I have some nonreligious friends I'm very comfortable talking about it with, though. I think the shock from hearing the news is okay, as long as they aren't the type to look down on you for it.
@InTheThin@xanga - What she said.
It isn't the business of anyone but you and your boyfriend if you are having sex. You don't have to tell the world you are having sex. Honestly.
You said that. You do it for fun. No matter if is pure fun or love. You like it. If you don't I guess you already stopped that, right? And well, it's sex. You didn't rob a bank or killed anybody. Every person hides some secret. And it can be kept secret or shared with the world.
Have you ever considered about living through it the happiest way you can without involving bad thoughts? I truly envy your consideration for your parent's thinking.
I think your "problem" is not "to tell or not to tell", but WHO you're gonna tell...
What you do (or who) is nobody's business but yours. You're allowed to have your secrets. Unless there's an issue, like you're pregnant or you have an STD, I really don't think there's any reason for anyone to know. Unless, of course, you think they should.
However, if you do decide to tell and your friends judge you, there were never friends to begin with. Friends will accept you unconditionally.
bah! Me too I have a secret blog :) It's all alright, it's all okay! And, really, you don't need to tell anyone that you are having sex. If you really want to tell you dad, you can maybe wait a bit... Let him know this is a stable relationship? Earn his trust .. so that when u really want to tell him, he won't freak out? I dunno! but then again, you can keep it a secret. It's okay to have secrets too! I bet your dad doesn't tell you everything anyways! ahhh :) Good luck with that~
@InTheThin@xanga -
It does seem typical for religious people to be the most up tight about morals. That's because that's the main purpose of religion, aside from worshiping the god that religion deifies. Morals are a set of defined standards, a code of conduct according to one's beliefs. I can understand that simply stating what's right or wrong isn't enough to reason so. But for each moral there's a clearly logical explanation, with sound reasoning behind it. The non stuck up religious people don't think ill of everyone who does something wrong. They see the mistake(s) and want to help or convince people to recover from them. I guess I'm trying to ease your relations with the religious while at the same time coax you into better reasoning, but on slightly different tracks.
God Bless.
I get the impression that your anxiety about this comes from the fact that you want to share information about your life, but don't feel like you can.
This is a tough one. Yes, you have every right to keep your secrets, but what if you don't want to? I'm guessing that you are a teenager and still living with a parent(s.) For this reason I would not tell your dad. I don't know what you're situation is, but I've seen a lot of religious (or just straight n' narrow) parents use the "roof over your head" justification to try and stop their kids from having sex--one almost stopped paying for her daughter's education unless she lived by her mother's moral code (which in this case mostly amounted to premarital sex=bad.)
If you do decide to tell your dad, assure him that you're being responsible and it wasn't a decision you made lightly. Tell him you understand that he is upset/disappointed but demonstrate that you are mature and making an adult decision.
As for your friends...I wouldn't hide it from them. They (probably) can't make like difficult for you the way your father could, and having a big secret WILL cause you to distance yourself from them. Alternately, you could try finding new friends who you can share your sexual stories with--perhaps having that outlet will make you feel less of a need to come clean to your current circle of friends. But again, his invariably will involve some distancing...
what you do in your own time is your business. you don't have to tell anybody what you do when you're not with them.
This is my secret blog account. I created it for the exact same reasons you stated. And the relationship I was in at the time was a secret. The fact that we were more physically active than anyone would guess from me was also a secret. I never told the friends I thought it would hurt. But I found other friends who it wouldn't hurt that I could tell. It was nice to get it off my chest.
just make those blogs private or protected. but anyway, you don't have to tell anyone anything that you don't want to.
hmm like everyone else stated. that is your business. it shouldn't be about anyone else..
Be smart and you won't have to explain yourself to anyone. Use condoms and other barrier methods EVERY time during intercourse. Make wise emotional decisions regarding the guys you choose to sleep with so u won't feel the urge to cry ur brokenheart out to ur parents; i.e. if you're dating a guy who already acts like a dusch, then do not have sex with him to make it better. He won't change.
Don't come home pregnant.
And just be safe and take precautions (physically, and emotionally), is the main point of my msg. I don't advise you to tell your parents. You don't have to tell anyone. But it's your life.
If you don't want to tell someone because you don't feel the need to or you feel uncomfortable telling them, then don't. You don't have to force yourself to tell them.
You don't have to share with parents that you've had sex with your boyfriend...just play it safe each time.
i don't know about telling your parents. honesty is great...but there were things i didn't tell my parents to "protect" them from disappointment. its in the past now and we'll just leave it there.
now i totally get that this stuff is your business and you don't have to tell anyone. i agree with that. but at the same time.... why wouldn't you tell your close friend(s)? maybe cuz they are religious? i get that ...but to me, that would seem like you are "fake" or "fronting" in a sense. why pretend to be some image of something that you aren't? and so what if they found out... would they treat you differently or look down on you? then maybe they aren't very good friends.
It's you and your bf's business only. No need to tell anyone.
as far as I know, sons and daughters usually don't tell their parents when they've had sex.
If people are responsible then this isn't an issue. The only responsible way to deal with it is just wait until you're with the person who'll never leave. I wish it could be called common sense, but really it is uncommon sense. If you can't wait, you really aren't all that responsible at all. Other people should stop promoting it. I knew it was a bad idea when I was high sprung on a high school crush. Religion had nothing to do with it. It was intelligent, well thought out reasoning. There is no such thing as responsible sex, until you're in a situation that promotes a healthy family. There are other reasons as well, but I don't have time to get into them as of now.
Whether or who you should tell I can't help you with. But just stop, plain and simple.
LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS, LADY!
I was lucky enough to have a really open relationship with my mother. When I was young she sat me down with books, and explained everything to me, even masturbation. Now, I don't feel shy at all discussing my sex life with her, even though shes the one who doesnt want to hear about it! I even joke around about it with her. Its nice to have someone older around to ask medical advice too, ive had my days!
Hii,
I know what you are going through. However I resolved my problem by keeping my sex life or whatever private. I think you should have a trusted friend or older person, that has experienced it all, to talk to. Otherwise, I don't think you should broadcast it to everyone especially if it is going to make you look bad. Everyone has sex, we're only human. Just be safe with your "fun" activities and read up on some articles about sex.
Hope someone helped you out.
I understand where you're coming from. Being raised in a conservative and sheltered family can really affect you. My parents are fans of tradition especially when it comes to "sexual activity." I really look up to my mom and she has always trusted me to make the right decisions and so far, I'm still set on being a virgin until marriage because I do want it to be the right man. I also have that feeling that I don't want to betray my mom's trust and I really want my family to love my "future husband," so anything that would affect my family's relationship with my future husband should be avoided. Anyways, I understand how torn and confused you must be. Honestly, it's not like you need to spread news about your "sexual life." You aren't lying and you're not pregnant, so there is no harm in it. You can introduce your boyfriend to your parents and get them to like each other. No matter how strict your father is, he'll understand that you're old enough and mature enough to have a relationship. As long as he sees that this guy cares about you, I'm sure your parents would be glad and happy for you. They may have a high expectation of you, but you are still their daughter no matter what. Like I said, you are not obligated to tell them unless an accident happens (you're pregnant), but the least you can do is introduce your boyfriend, because your parents deserve that much respect. If you haven't watched "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," I suggest you watch it; it may help you decide.
As for your friends, again, you're not obligated to tell them anything, but if they are your friends, they'll still be happy to meet your boyfriend. After all, it's not like you're a nun and expected to live a single virgin life forever. Having a boyfriend and all is not shameful and do you know for sure that your friends don't keep secrets as well? Everyone has their secrets, but if you've really made a decision and don't regret it, then there's nothing to be ashamed about. Just introduce your boyfriend to your cherished family and friends, and if they are really important and loving, they will accept him as they have accepted you. Don't be torn apart about this. Best wishes to you!
why do you have to tell people about being sexually active? majority of my friends are single, so what i do with my bf behind closed doors is not a topic of discussion in our regular chats. there are plenty of othr things to talk about. which is why i hate truth/dare games because the truth comes out.... ugh.
unless it really bothers you and you are really close with your folks except for this taboo topic, i personally don't think sex life is any of the parents' concern. i am old enough to make my own decisions.