Miss Gorilla
My boyfriend and I were talking casually over dinner the other night and the subject of proposals came up. Now, this is no strange topic for us and we have discussed it before, but this time around he asked me something that I hadn't thought of before. Should he ask my father's permission if he should one day pop the question?
My first instinct was yes, most definitely. It is traditional and a true sign of respect that I think my dear old dad would really appreciate. Then he brought up something else: long distance. My parents live in Ohio, while him and I shack up in New York. Would he wait until we visited my home town? Travel to Ohio on his own? (Dead give away!) Ask my father for his permission over the phone? (How impersonal!) What are your thoughts on the subject? How should he ask for permission from a distance?
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Comments (23)
He should probably wait until the two of you go to visit, or he could go to Ohio on his own to show your father how serious he is. Either way, I'm sure your dad will like being asked!
it all depends how close you are to your parents. if you are then its only right that your bf asks your father. i mean if its really an inconvenience for your bf to travel far to see your parents then doing it over the phone is fine.
Just go to your parents, sit them down, and tell them the truth: You eloped in Vegas, got married with Elvis presiding and this is their new son-in-law.
i'd say both of you guys visit them. Then he should set your father aside and ask him. so as not to make it obvious. duh
@Fluxuater@xanga - agreed.
I'd say wait until a trip to see you parents, but given the distance, I don't think over the phone would be inappropriate.
I don't like the phone idea, but in a pinch, hey, you gotta do what you gotta. Flying's expensive, I get that. But I do think it's a good idea for him to ask.
My cousin's husband flew out of state in secret to ask my cousin's parents for permission/blessing. He told my cousin he was on a business trip, so she had no idea where he was headed, and her parents kept the secret, too.
You two should visit your parents in Ohio and then your bf can ask your dad for his approval. He doesn't need to ask until a few months before he does propose.
why don't you both visit. i like that idea better. [:
I think asking over the phone is not an option... I know that MY father wouldn't be happy if his future son in-law were to ask for permission over the phone. Maybe you two should wait and visit Ohio together or he could go to Ohio by himself. It would probably show your dad how serious and committed he is.
We're going to Ohio! YAY!
i'm guessing the reason the visit idea isn't great for you cuz it would ruin the aspect of the surprise proposal?
if i were the guy , i would try to swing by if i went on business trips once in a while. if not, i wouldn't bring it up for a while, then try to see if she wanted to visit her parents anytime soon and if so, i'd go with her. if not, i don't think a phone call is that bad, i'd just explain to the dad that i would have rather have come in person but i wanted it to be a surprise. he'd probably get it.
wait, but since you're reading this.... this comment has no point. i guess then my point is, i don't think a phone call would be terrible given the circumstances.
A nice, personal, formal, handwritten letter should do the job quite well. Not only that, but your dad would probably appreciate that he went to such lengths to ask such a question.
Back when guys HAD to ask for a father's permission before proposing, they quite often did it by letter, if they couldn't manage to do it in person.
If you're "shacking up" together, did he ask your dad if that was ok first? You've already broken tradition, why would this (very conservative) tradition be such a big deal after you're aready living together?
i think because of the distance a phone call is just fine. unless you guys planned on visiting home & he had the chance & timing.
i think he should visit your parents in Ohio. that just says so much more about him. but come with him so he wouldn't feel alone or scared?
well, you know your dad alot better than he does, so would you dad mind if it was over the phone or in person?
in my case, because i know my parents, i think over the phone is just as good if there is a fair distance. but if he only lives 20 min drive away then in person gives him more brownie points. i guess it is also the way he is bought up, if he was taught to have strong values on manners and being a gentlemen.
of couse, since you know about him popping the question i think you 2 should show up in Ohio together and say you are thinking of getting married and would love to get your parents blessing! simple! its one of those.. "surprise" proposals that require him to secretly go and ask your dad
i guess as long as he asks your father for your hand in marriage, over the phone or in person. and that's what you want. why don't you just tell him what you want exactly?
It seems weird for him to ask your dad over the phone.. If you two or he will not ask in person, I guess you can just tell your dad you are getting married. My friend n her husband have been living in Canada.. n her husband flew over to HK to talk to her dad b4 they got married. =)
visit together :)
x
totally visit together. dad's really love this stuff.. it's one moment they do look forward to (generally) I think.. getting to make their future son-in-laws sweat for a minute while they wait for an answer!!!
i think he should lie (normally im not a fan but in thie case youd find out after and its for your own benefit of surprisee) and go to ohio on his own. youre parents will realize how serious he is and its more personal. Then he can come home to you and tell you where he was and what he was doing and get down on one knee!
wait til u guys take a trip to your parents