Here's a bit of 1732 advice from Massachusetts Governor Belcher to his son, Jonathan.
Having heard that Jonathan wanted to marry, the Governor hastened to show his displeasure, closing his letter with a little essay on the nature of a good wife, whose qualities, he reminded Jonathan, were "elegantly described in the 31. chap. of Proverbs, which you wrote out in short hand in your infant day. Pray, read it often, when you have a mind to be marry'd."The Governor did not leave his son's interpretation of scripture to chance. Not only did he urge Jonathan to make out a detailed list of expenses required in the first year of marriage, but he went on to list for his son the five qualities he considered absolutely essential in a wife. A suitable wife, he wrote, must possess "Strict Virtue" and "Good nature." She must be "Agreeable (no matter whether beautifull)" and have "Passable good sense (no matter whether over-quick & sharp)." She must also bring "a Plentiful fortune." Lest Jonathan overlook the importance of the last-named quality, his father elaborated an defended it. "A man will soon find himself miserable that makes money his first & principal choice," he wrote. "Yet the other four characters won't do without it ... if God please to spare your life, save your vertue, & bless your studies, I hope you will in due time lay 'em in the opposite scale to a lady of 10,000 sterling pounds, with all the other qualifications I have mention'd." Having made his message transparent, the Governor returned to religion in a postscript:Lest you shou'd not take the pains to read the 31 chap. of Porv. my clerk had transcrib'd from the 10 ver. & it's inclosed.For (the Governor) the "31 chap of Prov." had none of the specific connotations that we have elaborated. He was not concerned about the religious convictions of Jonathan's future wife, even less so about her housekeeping skills - in his mind "passable good sense" was sufficient. What he really feared was the disruptive power of sex. Youth, distance, and an attractive young woman might undermine both his fatherly authority and his fond hopes for Jonathan.A few things strike me about this passage.
First, I'm always intrigued to see that humanity remains pretty much the same throughout recorded history. In this case, a rich father doesn't want his son marrying a poor, pretty woman.
Second, I'm intrigued with what makes a "good wife" in this father's eyes:
1) Virtuous
2) Good natured
3) Agreeable (not necessarily pretty)
4) Good sense (not necessarily bright or witty)
5) Rich
Finally, and perhaps the most interesting to me is the use of scripture to back up a personal point of view. This father doesn't want his son marrying the pretty, poor lass to whom he's attracted, so he pulls up Proverbs 31 as leverage. Proverbs 31 is a lovely (if nearly unattainable) passage, to be certain. However, the Governor's real concern is money, so I find his use of scripture in this circumstance to be disingenuous at best.
What do you think?
Is the Governor's engagement advice still good for today?
True 
Comments (18)
Nah. I mean, good sense is always a nice quality for the woman bearing your children to have, but the rest? Meh.
I would rather be poor and in love than rich and ok, or rich and miserable. The emphasis on not having too beautiful a girl is intriguing but I truly like a woman who is indeed wise but in her own, intuitive way, and I like beauty in a girl But that beauty I like inside as well.
PS I would of been killed back than and I am serous lol
You know ... I'm fairly sure that Proverbs 31 was written by a mom-in-law. (Seriously... check it out.) No wonder that passage is so unobtainable... (still, this post made me laugh!)
Haha this is the best Datingish post ever!
In those times, being rich was a stagnant, unmoving thing, a part of the hierarchical feudal system. Today, whether you start out rich or poor, you can work your way either up or down the corporate ladder and become something different. The first four qualities are too general to be argued, so they still apply today.
Not necessarily "rich" per se, more financially stable and able to back up a good number of kids to knock out.
For the rest you want a girl with common sense, nice, and not a cheater. Duh.
cite source, please.
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - true.
Well, I think in some respects it's good advice, but only in some respects. Even I could see his true interest for his son was that his Jonathan marry a woman with money. And I do not agree that this is necessary.
However, it might not be a bad idea for him to write out what finances he might incur during the first year of marriage. After all, that kind of forethought might come in handy! There is nothing wrong with being prepared.
I hope that in the end Jonathan chose to marry whom he wanted to marry, not whom his father wanted him to marry, but I think back then the thing that happened more often than not was that the children did what the parents wanted even if they thought it was wrong.
So...I guess some of the ideas fit, but certainly not all.
And besides, in the end nobody should really base their idea of a good wife or a good husband on what their parents say the good criteria is. It is not the parents that have to be married to this person. :p
Goodness, why do I type so much?! :p I always seem to do that!
In a guy, anyway, I'm lookin' for (i.e. waiting and praying for) the first four. Last one, doesn't matter, as long as he's got a good work ethic and is responsible. In fact, I'd rather he not be wealthy. Rich and poor both have their own sets of problems, I'm just more familiar with the poor set. ;) Although, he does need to be just a little witty, or he's going to end up the laughingstock of my family. That's just how we are.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga -
Good Wives: Image and Reality in the Lives of Women in Northern New England, 1650-1750yes - well, except the money one.
I think it's important to marry someone who is attractive, smart, virtuous* and good natured. the guy I'll one day marry will have these qualities
* maybe by "virtuous" he meant "not a shallow stuck up bitch" - not just virginity?
@BookMark61@xanga - thank you. it seems citation is swept under the rug at datingish. where do they get all those pics from, anyway...
@goblinsinthemirror@xanga - The circumstances of when/how/to whom a person loses their virginity is a partial, but considerable reflection of their character/intelligence/depth. However, regardless what that person meant, it may be a good idea to try to know more about such a woman to find out if she has a good reason for her attitude.
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