Everyone has experienced hand-me-downs at one point of their lives or another whether it's clothes, books, shoes, etc... But what about hand-me-downs guys? Is it okay?
Personally, I don't think I can do it only because I don't like sharing personal things AND I don't like being 2nd choice. For me, getting a guy passed onto me because my girlfriend doesn't want him is sort of like her giving me a pair of her worn panties. Eww...gross. Yes I know I can clean it and wear it but I can also go out and buy my own which is more appealing in my eyes. Before you get all worked up and I start getting emails and phone calls asking me "ooh what happened? Or ooh who are you talking about?" I'm just writing about the topic and no, thank god it hasn't happened to me yet.
This topic originally came up when this statement "One man's junk is another man's treasure," flew out of my friend's mouth. Of course, he's referring to passing along a girl who's interested in him, but he's not interested in her.
Granted he said nothing had happened between him and that girl and he thought she would be a better match for his friend. Plus, he said guys don't really mind about that stuff. Hmm,...interesting. I would like to hear another guys point of view on this one.
For example, I've had girlfriends tell me it's not okay if a guy comes up to your friend and asks her to dance and when your friend rejects him, he turns to you and asks you the same question. Or it's not okay for him to ask for both of your numbers at the same time. And guys wonder why girls label them shady. tsk, tsk...
So are there any rules to meeting a person through a friend? What's okay and what's not okay?
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Comments (27)
first, no handy-down for me...
Er, isn't that a bit objectifying?
I think if you are very deeply attracted to him (after establishing a good friendship, hopefully) and your friend doesn't mind that you date her ... er, not-exactly-an-ex then it's all right.I mean, it's like the song "My Girl's Ex Boyfriend" by Relient K. The old boyfriend dumped the girl, and the current guy got to date her. Is she "leftovers" from the old boyfriend? Ehh.
Theres a guy my cousin liked over a year ago. Then she started to not like him so much and I started to like him so she handed him down to me around this past January. I started to not like him so much and another friend of mine is starting to like him so I handed him down to her like a month ago. None of us has ever actually had a relationship with the guy. My cousin has barely even talked to him and my friend and I have just started to get to know him in the last month or so. Not a big deal but its kind of funny that the guy has been handed down twice already and he doesn't even know it. Haha!
Really, being second choice doesn't sound too good.
i totally agree with the last paragraph. when guys ask 4 2 girls numbers at once, it just makes him look like a complete dooche.
Does it matter?
If you love the person, date 'em.
had to do that... haha...
but yeah, if it feels like i'm a second choice, then i prefer not to have it... but as much as i rather get a new, all the new ones have probably been used already... so essentially, it's not really a biggie... the most important thing is knowing that she's clean, that she likes me now and that she likes me more than anyone else...
rules for meeting someone through friends, well, she better not be seeing anyone (on and off), she better not be doing anything funky with anyone else/strangers (one-night stand), and so essentially she's gottah gottah be clean, ummm... what else, hmmm... probably a few more... but yeah, doesn't mean i can't be friends with them... being friends isn't a biggie, maybe she's got friends that will introduce other friends... and those friends might introduce more friends... it's that awesome pyramid network...
i'm just one guy... and i probably can't speak for the rest of them, but normally i won't ask for a girl's number after being rejected... instead, i'd probably ask the less prettier one just to make the prettier one jealous...
and you never hit the same spot twice, so if you get rejected here, ask someone else over there... if it's a crowded place where everyone can see everything that goes on, then once is all you ask... 
i personally would never date a friend's ex or vice versa. i just believe it's wrong to do that and it kinda grosses me out. i once had a roommate who dated my ex and now we're just not friends anymore including my ex. you just don't do that to each other.
i dont care as long as the bitch is hawt YEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!1ONE
hey we're all people
Unless you date someone who has never been in a relationship, you`ll essentially get a "hand-me-down" every time. It`s highly unlikely to date someone in high school whose exes you don`t know by name. The only rule I would go with is to not date a really close friend`s ex.
Well it's bound to happen anyway. Just because their relationship won't work out, doesn't mean your's can't. What if he was the absolutest perfect guy for you? but you reject him just because he's asked out your friend before and she turned him down.
I don't necessarily have hand-me-downs... it's more like they've been passed to a thrift store and I pick them up. I've had two boyfriends, in somewhat different circles, but they've both dated the same girl - other than me. I'm also now friends with HER, so it's even stranger. But I think it's a typified thing. I just happen to be the next step... maybe?
It's hard to shine a good light on the curious circumstances - but if you're happy with the guy - what's the problem?
depends on who's it hand-down-from?
if i don't know his ex gf, yeah thats cool. we all have a past.
however if my gf had a few choices, and decided to hand me down her last choice, i'll refuse to accept the offer. its just me, and my blood of dignity.
@Lil_Dude433@xanga - Exactly.
Sometimes if it wasn't for the introduction of a friend, the people never would have been together or known of one anothers existence in the first place. In my opinion, it is only a hand me down when you are recycling an ex or someone you were intimate with and that is a big NO. Don't look at it like you are second choice, look at it more like a treasure map- the guy was close when he met the friend, but the friend pointed him towards the "X" where he uncovers the treasure--- you!
I've done something like that. I didn't like this guy anymore, so I sorta just passed him off to this one girl. I knew she was a huge flirt, and I knew she could say all the right things to get him to like her. It worked.
They're still together. And that was almost 4 years ago. I felt bad at first..but look at 'em now.
No one wants to know they are second best as a way to start off a relationship.
@mewithoutu77@xanga - so agree
if my friend has dated him, even if she's okay with it, i'm not. i don't date people within my circle or people whom my friends have dated, it would bother me. i don't like sharing... lol
and if there was a guy that asked my friend to dance, she rejected him and he asked me...i'd reject him too for his stupidity for not asking me first. i'm nobody's second best, thanks.
I'd feel weird about it. So I guess I would only do it if the girl didn't think it was too weird and I really liked the guy.
well its ok if its your friends, friend and she says i want you to meet my friend. but if your friend likes him, dont go for him even if he likes you. cause in the long run you'd be happy but you would be hurtin your friend. and true friends never hurt each other like that.
a yr ago my friend came up to visit and i had a boyfriend and she didnt. well i introduced them but i said this is my boyfriend and back were she lived she would take her friends boyfriend which in my eyes thats horriable. but it wasnt jus her fault it was my ex's fault to. they both betraed me, but once they together he still tlkd to me and i did the same thing back to her. but i did it cause she did it to me and plus i kinda kicked her ass as well.
but girls know the number one rule.. NEVER DATE THIER BEST FRIENDs BOYFRIENDS OR EX'S OR THE BOY THEY REALLY REALLY LIKE. because true best friends would never do that.
and girls that do that are SLUTS in my eyes
I feel like guys are a little less weird about that. I mean, I'm not saying all guys are like this, but, from my experience, guys don't mind hooking up with the same girls, as long as these girls are NOT serious relationships. I knew a group of guys who, three out of five of them, had hooked up with the same girl at one point. I don't think it was too serious, though, or extremely heavy, while another set of guys I know, two of them had slept with the same girl in their group of friends and they're all still cool with each other.
For girls, it'd just be too weird. Unless me and this hypothetical guy have a major connection, I'm not touching him if my friend has. And it's totally unacceptable to be hit on after my friend rejects him. He just seems like he's trying to get ass.
your first paragraph- what's more disgusting still is that you're objectifying him, i cannot stand for this whole tag, that one could possibly even think of people as hand-me-downs. second paragraph- that's ok. third paragraph- it's the mating game.
@kelseyxxxbabii@xanga - well if they fall in love- naturally -i dont see why they should be forced apart. it'd be sad if two people who were so obviously meant to be together couldnt be together simply due to circumstance. i'd be completely ok if my best friend went out with my ex. of course but then if it were done to spite the other person, that's nasty.
(edit) i read the rest of your comment and yeah, that was pretty nasty of your friend...that's total betrayal. so, to steal another's man is wrong, but once the relationship is over, i think it's fine. though of course you shouldnt go at it right away, that's insensitive. wait for things to cool down first.