A coworker of mine is relocating out of state (
) and is offering me his humongous apartment when he moves out in October.
The apartment is too big for one person, so I asked my BF if he wanted to move in with me. Neither of us is on a lease, the cost and size is good for two people and we'll have been together for a year at the end of September, so it makes sense.
I so don't want to mess things up, though, so I am coming to you for advice. We're usually together three or four nights of the week anyway, but I know it's different when you're living together.
If you've lived with someone you've dated before, what were things you wish you'd known? What was the hardest part for you about living together?
I don't want to mess this up!
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Comments (61)
Me and my girl were dating less than that when we moved in together and nothing changed at all, it's really about the people getting worried over unimportant superficial shit that usually causes problems. So no worries! Oh yeah and we are still together and still living together and it has been about a year since move in date.
For me, I'll only move in with my SO when we're engaged and soon to be married.
Have your own friends and make time to have time apart from each other that way you don't get tired of seeing him at home. It should be fine!
I wouldnt worry just make sure you guys both do your part, nothing should change because you guys moved in together. only thing yall might have problems with is financial issues but thats only if yall let that cause a problem. other then that it should be the same, well except yall going to see each other more now then yall did before which isnt a bad thing at all. My husband (boyfriend at the time) and I lived together a few weeks after we started dating not because we planned it but because his mom and dad gave him a descion to make, either its me or them and he choosed me, mind u i got kicked out of my momz house as well so we was both living with my momz friend and camping out on a small ass couch grrrr, now we got our own place. we started from the bottom and worked our way up to the top.
I think it would "mess things up" by moving in with someone you aren't married to in the first place...but that seems to be the minority belief here on Datingish.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - I agree with you. After living with my ex, I won't live with another guy unless I am married.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - I totally agree with you. My husband lived with a girl before me, and obviously it didn't end well. We waited till we were married to move in together, and it's going great! It's the level of commitment I think. When you're not married, it's really easy to say, I'm leaving.
if yu quys really love each other , then do it ! but prepare carefully just incase yu quys break up. yu dont wanna be livinq out on the street.
You want to know how to not mess it up? Don't try so hard. You're going to have to be yourself around him forever if you marry him, unless you are planning on keeping up a facade for the rest of your life (which would be stupid and really tiring). The point of moving in with someone is to see how compatible you guys are living together. Love is not and should not be the only factor in whether you two get married. You have to work well together, and this will help you realize if you want to spend the rest of your life with him.
I don't think it is the best idea. Moving in will only make things more difficult prematurely, even before the foundation for commitment has settled down. You are going to have to deal with a lot of finances and future altercations before you really need to. Think about it this way, you SO can say he is contributing in rent and util. etc but his money is solely his money. Unless the relationship can be established as though you are married... and be very understanding and forgiving with different circumstances.
on my personal account, i would definitely wait till i am about to get married before moving in because i do like my independence.
each of you should make a list of what things are acceptable and unacceptable in a living environment, then go over both lists together and mesh it into one list that you both can live with.
but like goofball4 said, have your own friends and hobbies outside your relationship so you don't get tired of seeing your SO at home everyday.
My BF (now fiance) moved in together after about 2 months. It wasn't planned (i had bitchy roommates), but it worked out well for us. My best friend and her husband moved in together after a month of dating and they have been married for a year now, and been together 3 years total.
It depends where you are in life. My bf & I are in college, moved across the country together, and then tried to develop and keep our own lives while still living together. I'd say, as long as you guys have your own lives already set up, and not in an unstable place like college, it'll be easier. It's working for us but it was a rocky start.
Also, the hardest part I'd say it having to make sure you still do that "date" thing. Living together can seem like you're married because you're always "together" but not really: doing house chores, doing at home work, sleeping, cooking... all the necessities together so that it may seem excessive to still go out on nice date things. As long as you commit to keeping that up, it should be good. Just don't get stuck in a rut where you feel you're married and/or trapped.
Have you spent extended periods of time together? For me, I would spend a night or two at my b/fs; at his last place, I spent a week or two at a time; although I did have a place to call my own elsewhere (depending on time, either my own apt or my parents).
Now we're living together, going on 2 years...Definitely find time to go off and do your own thing; it's going to be a HUGE change obviously, but be aware of each others feelings, and don't let things get bottled up until you explode. Guys apparently don't like that :P
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - I agree.
i've never moved in with anyone i've dated before but i'm scared to because like you, i'm scared things would change too. when i was with my ex, we used to spend at least 4-5 nights out of the week at each other's places but it was always nice to just come back to my own place sometimes. for me to move in with a bf, i would have to know that we're both ready for that commitment and not just because we want to try it out to see if it'll work.
Oh my goodness... living with your boyfriend is like opening pandora's box. My boyfriend and I practically lived together (we were sleeping at each others homes, either mine or his nearly every night) and when we moved to Honolulu together, naturally we started living together. The hardest part? Not having my own personal space. Sometimes you just want to be alone. I'm in my twenties, and there are plenty of times when I'd just like to write, or do whatever, in a space where I won't be bothered and I don't really have that. Times like those I miss feeling independent and I miss my little studio where I could do whatever I wanted with the space with out having to listen or compromise with someone else. Also, when we argue or fight, I don't have anywhere to go afterward. (and if you say your don't argue or fight, I'd say, yes you do, everyone does sometimes, and if you never have then you will) I'm stuck either going to the bedroom while he's in the living room or vice versa and either way it's kind of awkward. Also you will go out on less dates because you see each other all the time anyway and that time will be less special. Additionally, when you're both paying the same bills and you both know each other's finances it can be frusterating doing stuff like grocery shopping when he wants to split it half and half in spite of the fact that he eats 80% of the food, and always finishes my cereal with out leaving any for me. But really, it just depends on your relationship, I think, but dating four or five nights a week is nothing like living together. It's a whole different ball game sharing a bathroom.
Well I dated my boyfriend for about 6 months, I slept over at his house basically all of the time and I wasn't getting along with the parents. So I decided to move in with him. I was there for 6 more months, and the only reason I moved out was because his sister [most likely] stole my laptop. I cannot wait to move in with him again once he gets a job, and I get a better one.
It did not change much for us either, except we were happier. We're the kind of couple who get frustrated if we don't see each other for 2 days. It all depends on the people.
One tip though, is communication! Don't let them do something you don't like just because you're afraid they will get mad. Just tell them calmly what you don't like. And get out by yourself once in a while.
...it really depends on the people, personalities, etc.
good luck!
It's different, obviously- from just staying over 3 nights a week, because you both are now living together, you'll be sharing the responsibilities of the apartment. It'll be a completely different atmosphere, and I think that you should be careful because you might get tired of seeing him every single day.- unless you like being together all the time. It's like having a roommate that you have almost all the same classes with. It's hard sometimes.
I wouldn't move in until I get married- but that's just me.
I wouldn't. Would be TOO much time together I think lol
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - I very much agree with you.
I think it depends on every relationship. I've done it and it failed .. but it was absoutely amazing at first. We are thinking of getting back together atm, but for now, we're both single. We've been together for 4 years...
My biggest and most important advice to you would be to do your own thing even if you guys are living together.
I wish you good luck!
if you're one of those people who are very grumpy in the morning,
get over it quickly. no one likes someone who's an ass at 8am.
maintain space!
maintain your separate lives. It's endearing to make dinner and watch the same tv shows on the couch together until you count back and realize you've done that every single night for the past 3 months. if you maintain separate lives, one of you eventually won't feel smothered and feel forced to break up with the other in order to get some damn alone time.
also- talk about finances- like, how you're going to split the groceries, who's going to be responsible for paying the bills (like, actually paying it, not putting money towards it- that should be done by both of you).
talk about cleanliness. how clean does he like it? how clean do you like it? does one of yall want pets? what kind of pets? do you have allergies? Is there a pet peeve you REALLY hate?
basically, this will be fun if you communicate and treat each other respectfully. never say anything that isn't 2 out of these 3 things- polite, honest, or necessary.
have fun
Do what you feel comfortable with. But like others have said, make sure you can have your own space or at least place to go to be apart, sometimes being together all that time is an adjustment. There will always be change, no matter what anyone says, but follow your instincts, if you love them then at least try. I have a friend who waited until she was married to live with her husband. After the divorce she said never again, that was her worst mistake, and from now on, she will try before she buys lol.