Saturday, 22 August 2009

• How To Be An A-Hole (To Get The Girl)

  Recently there was a boy who admitted to having a very large crush on me (we'll call him Alex*). He explained to me how much he cared about me and when he was done I had no choice but to let Alex know I didn't feel the same way. Needless to say, he was upset. Alex, being somewhat insecure, brought up a past guy in my life (we'll call him Jay). Jay was an ass, but he did it well. Alex was furious that I would fall for such an asshole instead of someone who cared about me. This got me thinking, what was it about Jay that I actually fell for? I knew how horrible he was and how I really did deserve better, but something got me hooked. Alex continued to ask me if he was an asshole would it help girls fall for him? My response: If you do it right.
  

  

  1. Be a Whore, Subtly.
  You know the type of asshole guy probably isn't looking for a long term, so you're going to have to take a trip around the block, if you haven't already. This trait is good to have, if gives you experience. Before you even talk to her you should have confidence that you make her heart beat faster by just kissing her. If you do it right, you can keep her entranced once you already have her. You just need to make sure that she doesn't completely realize you're a whore, or she forgets about that fact because you're just so gosh-darn charming! And for Christ's sake, please get yourself checked if you're really going to whore out.

  2. Have Confidence.
  This trait is absolutely crucial. Even if you're not entirely confident, you need to act like you are 'the shit'. That cocky attitude can do it right away. Just look her in the eye and say "I know you like me". Odds are, if even if she wasn't all that into you, she'll dig the confidence. If you say, "Well, if you wanna hang out, maybe sometime, we can? If you don't want to, it's ok, you don't have to. I mean. . .". Blah blah, the babble can be cute, but not HOT. If you know what I mean. Just ask "What you up to tomorrow?" if she says she isn't doing anything tell her she has to hang out with you. Don't give her a choice.

  3. Flirt Right
  The perfect flirt says things that are funny, cute, witty, a little mean. Back to the experience thing, it's a good thing to have. Experience and confidence will help you out completely in this department, but if you don't have either, you may still have a chance. Just remember, flirting should be playful, make fun of her a little, gently though. DON'T call her fat or anything, just bug her and tease her ever so sweetly. Throw in a few subtle compliments (don't be too obvious). Sarcasm helps, and always remember to leave her wanting more.

  4. Be Mysterious
  Never give away too much information, it's that easy. When she asks you questions, respond with very pointed answers. Never say more then you have too. If she texts you asking what you're up to, respond with a "not much". It sounds easy, but for some people it's hard not to give to much information away. Trust me, this one is worth it.

  5. Have Respect
  I know this is supposed to be about being an ass, but you can't be 100% a jerk, or people will just hate you. Don't say she's a slut or call her fat or bash her friends. Don't do stuff that would embarrass her, or anything to make her actually mad. It's hard to see the line, I know, but there is one. And it's important you don't cross it.

  6. Be original
  Let's face it, we've heard the same lines before. We've all watched the sunset, stargazed etc. It doesn't mean you can't do anything like that, but put your own flair on it. Be original, be random. And please, don't use any really lame lines. She wants to hear something that sounds personal. Don't follow these rules word for word, take some of your personality and put it in play.

  7. Lie
  You heard me. You have to lie.  You need to tell her what she wants to hear.

  (I know this won't be 100% accurate to every girl. I'm speaking in a general sense here.)

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