Bromance. I think it's sweet. There's nothing better than seeing a pair of dudes that genuinely care for each other. Paris Hilton may have her BFF, but Brody Jenner really showed her up with his bro-choice in the final Hot Tub Elimination Ceremony. But I'm starting to question where the line is between a bromance and a straight-up romance. I've recently come into a situation where it's been hard to tell if I'm battling the best friend or the lover.
So I've been hanging out with someone new. He's a friend of a friend, which is the ultimate scenario because she gives me all the scoop on him. But she gave me some unfortunate news the other day.
He may or may not be gay.
Not this again. I did have a stint in my past with a man who was questionably gay. The truth came out later when he confessed he was jealous that I had kissed our mutual friend... Scott.
My friend explained that this guy was always, and I mean ALWAYS, seen with this other guy. And it seemed like a little bit more than friendship.
The rumor mill was working at break-neck speed on this one. Well that wasn't enough for me. I needed hard evidence. So I went straight to the source.
"Are you two gay together?"
"No."
"Are you sure? I mean I'm not gonna be mad - just tell me."
"No, we are not gay."
"Well are you bisexual? You can just tell me."
"NO!"
I believed him. But I did not believe his friend. The entire night he was shooting daggers with his eyes at us. He took every opportunity to get him alone, whispering in his ear and obsessively touching him. Now whether or not this guy was interested in a romantic relationship with him, it's unclear. But all signs pointed to a definite bromance. I was an outside looking in on this somewhat suspicious friendship. And he was doing everything he could to keep the door to their "special" relationship closed and locked shut.
How does one battle a bromance? Even more perplexing, how does one determine if it's more than just a friendly love between bros?
Comments (13)
don't fight the bromance, it'll seem petty. (imagine a guy coming in between two girlfriends a la spencer pratt.) if your guy's not gay, you have nothing to worry about. if he is gay, there's really no point in fighting it because he likes dudes... and you aren't one. and if he's bi-curious, you really can't stop his exploration. i don't think you should, either.
You can't fight any of it. =P
You should be jealous of a "bromance."
If he's gay, what do you think you can do to change it?
Just try to ensure that he's being honest.
And that you are too...
I'm a guy with big personal space issues so you'd never find me in a situation like that. However, I knew a lot of guys in high school who would pretty much molest each other in the locker room, yet they're some of the straightest guys I know.
The "shooting daggers" part is what I find weird. It could be because you asked if they were gay, a question straight guys really don't appreciate. But the touching and whispering while you two were trying to hang out... that's just strange. Guys normally don't get that intimate. Ever.
There's nothing you can possibly do to fight it. And, if he's gay there's nothing you can possibly do to change that. If he likes dudes, he likes dudes. Let go of it.
There's sisterhood, and there's bromance. There's nothing so negative about them.
I hate chicks that break up a perfectly good bro-mance.
I swear, everything is going great but then a chick comes and asks if you guys are gay... and after that moment, nothing is the same again. You start to question yourself and a perfectly casual friendship. "I just paid for this guy's dinner and we watched a movie together. Was it a date? Am I gay? Who am I?"
I don't think you should think of it as "fighting bro-mance." Bromance and romance are completely different. If the 2 guys are in a relationship they'll both accept it. For now, give them the benefit of the doubt and let them be :)
I wonder why its ok for women to do certain things but when it comes to guys doing it they are being judged and getting called gay? i just dont understand it. people need to stop judging. maybe these guys grew up together and they dont think nothing of it. i think you guys are over exaggarating a bit about the whole touching thing, even if they was gay and they denied it why would they do that in front of u after they just said no they are not gay, that dont make any sense to me.
Maybe the "shooting daggers" and "obsessively touching" was a big deal because the seed that he "may or may not be gay" was planted a in your head already.
This is what I think...if you have your suspicions then there is possibly a good reason for it. Ok so he said he's not gay. Take him for his word, but still keep your eyes and ears open. Try to be understanding of their friendship,...but at the end of the day follow your instincts whatever they may be in the future. It's a delicate balance.Â
if he's guy there's nothing you can do to change it...
Why would you fight a bromance? It's a beautiful thing. I love my bromances.
And I agree with @OverBeingUnder521@xanga. All of what he was doing was probably nothing. And even if he is feeling jealous of you, aren't you feeling the same way? And by asking them if they're gay and why they do what they do, aren't you doing the same type of thing his friend was doing? Just something to think about.
Maybe it's a unrequited gay puppy love from his friend? It could be that one guy isn't gay but the other one is and is protecting his territory in hopes that the other would switch preferences. It's odd, but not completely unheard of.
I guess I'm lucky. The man with whom I share a bromantic relationship is my brother in law. Our wives are sisters. My brother in law and I are definitely in love with each other but there's nothing sexual about our relationship. We are not ashed of sharing intimate hugs and kisses and a verbal "I love you". We do not feel the least bit strange about our feelings. I think too many people view any kind of shared emotion between two men as sexual feeling and that's where the problem lies.