Friday, 21 August 2009
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Age Difference in Relationships
My parents are 22 years apart. When they were married, my mom was 19 and my dad was 41. As you might expect, her parents were less than thrilled about their union. It caused a huge rift between my mother and her family, which still hasn't fully mended after over 30 years. My parents have been happily married for more than 3 decades, an incredible feat for any married couple, let alone a couple with such a large age gap between them. People didn't think they would last, but here they are as proof that true love knows no bounds.
My husband and I are over 7 years apart. Not so shocking as the gap between my parents, but a gap nonetheless. When we were first dating I noticed the age difference a lot more, because I was very young and naive. He was the wise and experienced one in the relationship. Now that I've matured I feel like we are more equal and I'm enjoying that balance between us.
What do you think about age difference in relationships? Is there such a thing as too big a gap? What if the woman is older than the man, does that make it less acceptable?
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About the Author
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- From: thornbird42@xanga
- Name: thornbird
- About Me: I'm a 28-year-old mother of two boys, 1 and 3. I live with my husband and sons in Vancouver, Canada. I have a BA in Interdisciplinary Studies with a focus in Literature. I work as a senior underwriter for a property and casualty insurance company.
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Comments (434)
Dosen't matter as long as they're legal.
What did your mom think of the gap between you and your husband? Out of curiosity.
I like being younger but only by like 2 or 3 years. Not a big deal.
I don't know. My parents' age difference is... five months. At my age I can't really date much younger (I'm 19, and I would rather not date underage... not to mention the maturity level of high schoolers... you know.), and I don't think I'm at a place in my own life where I could date someone older. Although with the influence of my parents, anyway, I find dating outside of my "age range" (which is, hmm, 19-25?) a little queer. I don't necessarily find it unacceptable, but it's unappealing to me.
I think there is such a thing as "too wide a gap," but really only when they're too close to too young, or too close to being elderly. I think high school kids should date within the high school pool, and elderly folks should date within their age group, if not only to be safe for both parties.
im uncertain in relationships, every thing.
My parents are 10 years apart and have been married for over 30 years now. My mom was 17 and my dad was 27 when they met. They dated for 6 or 7 years before they got married.
My dad looks a lot younger than he really is so it wasn't a big deal to my mom's parents at first. She told them he was 5 years older. Then after a few years she told them the truth. They liked him too much to care at that point.
The age gap shrinks the older you get. Basically, the difference between a 40 yr old and a 60 yr old is not as great as the difference between a 15 yr old and a 20 yr old. The "half your age plus seven" model seems to work fairly well for most. I don't think it matters which partner is older, it's all a matter of maturity.
I don't have a problem with an age difference between two people, as long as it is legal. My boyfriend and I are seven years apart.
My mother is five years older than my step-father. I find it acceptable, but society has dubbed the stereotype, "cougar," so some people find it less acceptable.
my boyfriend is eleven years older than me, and depsite my step-father telling me that my boyfriend only wanted sex and was going to leave me pregnant and alone within four months, we are still together (and childless) after 3 years, and our age gap has done nothing to hinder our relationship. except in the beginning when i wasn't allowed to see him!
I don't care about age, but at the same time, I don't want TOO large a gap. I haven't thought about it too thouroughly, but I know for sure that I don't want to date anyone the same age as my 34 year old brother. We're 17 years apart and age, and idk, I just feel like that would be awkard like, it's bad enough he's almost 20 years older than me, now he's the same age as my brother???
My parents are about 10-12 years apart and no one really seemed to have a problem with that. People say I'm mature for my age and have the mind of a 30 year old woman, so I wouldn't see a problem with interests when it comes to dating an older man (even though I can still be childish). But idk, sometimes I feel so odd about how other people will see us even though I hate to let others influence what I do.
I think if both parties are consenting, serious, mature, and legal, love knows no bounds. If they're okay with it, and they understand the potential consequences especially in today's society, who is anyone else to pry into their personal business?
I've never really crushed on anyone in my age gap. If I ever felt anything serious and beyond just general physical attraction for anyone, it's always been for someone at least 5 years older than me. My mom is 18 years younger than my dad, they've been married for 20 years. They never talk or make a big deal about age.
I think there's a big double standard for women, as with a lot of things. If younger women date older men, they may be a gold digger. If older women date younger men, they're called "cougars" now. I dunno. All of those ideas are too confusing for me, I just don't bother thinking about them.
I think my beef with age difference is where you are in life. At this point in time, someone who is in their 40's (not to say it isn't for young people too) could potentially have already had a family, been divorced, gone through their first -promotion-house-child-wedding-etc. So that leaves no big steps for the couple to share as a couple, not as a couple proud of one of the individuals. If that makes sense?
I think the older you get though, the less painful the gap is. When you're new and green into life outside of college, it might be a little weird to date someone who has a child who is half your age.
If it's legal it's fine. It's different, but whatever. I just like being younger hahaha :P
Maturity is what matters most...if you're 20 and he's over 30, you should care not about his age, you should care more about his level of maturity. Just because a guy is over 30 does NOT mean he's mature.
in the beginning, age is just a number.
the guy that i'm talking to is A LOT older than me...but i like him a lot:)but when you get to know them...age becomes a number. maturity & whatnot...
I have a friend who is 22 and she married a guy who is 63. Kid you not. And for those of you who think he is filthy rich - he is poorer than a church mouse. Looks department? Not Sean Connery, that's for sure. Love is indeed blind.
I dated someone when I was 17 and he was 25. Nobody liked it.
As long as it's legal, it works as long as the couple has a good relationship as equals, decent balance of power. You can be in a similar place in life even with an age difference. My ex was thirteen years older than me; it didn't matter to me and he hadn't gone through a lot of those "milestones", but now that I look back on it he expected to always be the older and wiser one. Once there wasn't enough "difference" for me to look up to him, and I had passed him at a professional level, I don't think he was as interested in the relationship, not that it was ever that healthy. Those relationships can work, just didn't for us.
My husband is seven years younger than me. I've done everything but actually have a serious boyfriend my own age, hehe. I think, if it wasn't him, I would probably still be with someone younger. I am not a cougar; cougars are out for one-night stands. I'm young for my age and ended up spending so much time in the bad relationship above that I kind of started over again. People can be equals regardless of their age, they just have to remember to act like it in the relationship.
i would date someone 20 years older than me, and i'm 16.
my parents would not be too pleased though, i guess.. but if i loved him, it would be worth it
30 years older is pushing it though...
and i don't think it matters if the woman is older..
but personally i'd rather be the younger one.
that is a huge gap to me; 2-3yrs apart is enough for me. although, i am 2 yrs older than my bf but it works for me.
I really would NOT like to date a guy a year or more less than I am.. that's just, akward ish for me. My boyfriend is a month younger, though. But you can barely notice a month.
i think more than 5 younger is a big gap for me. but as older as a person gets, the age gap shrinks like @just_the_average_jane@xanga -said.
i'm dating someone younger too. its really really awkward and hard at times coz i can't even take him into a bar LOL but i mean, we're happy so why go against it right?
Age is just a number!...but personally I wouldn't know cuz my husband and I are only hours apart in age.
Love doesn't see age... as long as it is legal
as long as you are both of legal age, go for it. as long as you are happy with eachother, what does it matter to anyone else?
my boyfriend is 6 years older than me. My Mother is four years older than my Dad. I don't think age matters, as long as the older one does not maniulate the younger one--but manipulation is not always to do with age.