Kissing Gone Wrong...

Friday, 21 August 2009

Kissing Gone Wrong...
When you get to a certain age, you've probably kissed your fair share of guys. (Speaking from a girls point of view) Some are good ones and some are bad ones. A girlfriend of mine recently confessed that she's had a score of bad kissers. I asked her "what makes a guy a bad kisser?" and she said because the kiss didn't spark anything below the belt, as in the bear is still in hibernation.

After listening to her bad experiences, I've compiled a list of types of kisses that you should avoid.

Hungry Man Kiss
He's kissing you like his last meal, practically eating your face.

The Snake Kiss
His tongue is darting around your mouth in quick jabs that's causing you to have gag reflex.

The Leech Kiss
He's sucking your tongue so hard you feel like it's stuck in a Hoover vac.

The Porn Kiss
He's kissing you like he's trying to win a sword fight. Listen, just because we love it when you tongue moves like that down there doesn't mean we like that action in our mouth.

Too-Much-Everything Kiss
Too much mouth, too much tongue, too much saliva, too much everything...the name said it all. We don't want to feel like there's an invasion going on in our mouth and neither do we want to feel like we got kissed by a St. Bernard.

The Pecker Kiss
He's not really kissing you but pecking at your mouth. Makes you wonder if he's imitating a bird pecking for seeds. You have to use a little tongue action. If you keep it dry, it's going to stay dry down below.

The Teeth Gnasher Kiss
He's kissing you all out of sync making you feel like he's playing bumper cars with your teeth. Please pull back a little and refrain from chomping down.

And finally...

The Kiss of Death aka Halitosis
His hot breath is enough to put down a horse. Sure, you can hold your breath and stop breathing through your nose but is it really worth it?

Those are just some I've come across. Do you have any good or bad kissing experiences to share?

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Comments (71)

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Lmao the pecker haha..
- 8/21/2009 4:08 PM
- soniiuh@xanga (message)
- reply
hungry man... my face was chapped.. that bastard
- 8/21/2009 4:21 PM
- socal411@xanga (message)
- reply
what's the dif between a snake kiss and a porn kiss? is the porn kiss more aggressive?
unfortunately, I have dealt with a fair share of bad kissers.
- 8/21/2009 4:26 PM
- goblinsinthemirror@xanga (message)
- reply
OMG just the drooly kiss! haha not even too much of everything- just too much saliva! that's my least favorite
also, the Hungry Man Kiss can be kinda hot, if you're into primal urgency and all that....
- 8/21/2009 4:27 PM
- JennyGee@xanga (message)
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I think the snake kiss is the worst!
__________
threadless
- 8/21/2009 4:29 PM
- omg_itztaco@xanga (message)
- reply
You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he kisses. The pecker? Probably emotionally stingy. The hungry man? Greedy! Halitosis? You don't know what else he's neglecting...
- 8/21/2009 4:34 PM
- lmtrainor@xanga (message)
- reply
Awkward kiss! When a guy leans in
and goes for it and it’s totally unexpected and UNWANTED!
- 8/21/2009 4:35 PM
- eliza7654@xanga (message)
- reply
you should have put the Sand Paper Lips man.
There is nothing worse than leaning in for a kiss & his lips cut you cuz they're SO freakin chapped. omg...
- 8/21/2009 4:37 PM
- Ich_liebe_michx3@xanga (message)
- reply
Ew. Sadly, i went through em' all.
- 8/21/2009 4:42 PM
- at_eex3@xanga (message)
- reply
I havn't had many bad kissers. Probably only 1 guy.
I've got to play devils advocate here- if your friend has experienced so many bad kisses, who isn't to say that it is Her who is the bad kisser?
- 8/21/2009 4:53 PM
- maybmaybnot@xanga (message)
- reply
HAHA I LOVE YOUR POSTS.
- 8/21/2009 4:56 PM
- XoAsianBabioX@xanga (message)
- reply
you forgot the super kinky bite the hell out of your lips kiss.
- 8/21/2009 4:57 PM
- XoAsianBabioX@xanga (message)
- reply
what about the Mountain Man Kiss? when the guy has so much facial hair/ stubble that it feels like he's trying to exfoliate your face.
- 8/21/2009 5:10 PM
- Honey14 (message)
- reply
LOL...I've only kissed 1 guy in my life and that's my current bf and I haven't had any of the above
- 8/21/2009 5:24 PM
- xSayakax@xanga (message)
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I love the intimacy of an amazing kiss, and I in fact dearly miss it. My last girl friend Julia was a terrible kisser, in essence I guess the snake kiss just for girls. My first GF was amazing. And a girl I kissed a few months ago makes out but with NO tongue. Grr. I'm yet to kiss the girl I'm liking so much, but her lips are like made for it so I await the feeling of them upon my own.
- 8/21/2009 5:33 PM
- xourlastendeavorx@xanga (message)
- reply
the teeth gnasher was my last kiss...
- 8/21/2009 5:38 PM
- Trigger821@xanga (message)
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Nope I haven't had any of these. Lucky for me.
- 8/21/2009 5:40 PM
- Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga (message)
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I've only kissed my boyfriend. :] Hahaha, luckily he's not criminal to any of those xP
- 8/21/2009 5:51 PM
- depp_and_meaningful@xanga (message)
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@xSayakax@xanga - -high five- :D
- 8/21/2009 5:52 PM
- depp_and_meaningful@xanga (message)
- reply
Lmao, ew. D:
- 8/21/2009 6:08 PM
- mywordsx@xanga (message)
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@xourlastendeavorx@xanga - my girlfriend does the no-to-very-little tongue makeout, and it drives me fucking insane.
- 8/21/2009 6:21 PM
- lesbohemian@xanga (message)
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heh, luky for me i've never had a lot of bad experices... except for one where we were making out and the guy's tongue was really dry. idk how to explain it, but it was like licking sand paper :\ ew
- 8/21/2009 6:42 PM
- ROCKtheB0ATx@xanga (message)
- reply
haha, i think i do the porn kiss. oops?
- 8/21/2009 6:43 PM
- heroinefairytale@xanga (message)
- reply
I hate hate HATE! #1. Eww.
- 8/21/2009 6:49 PM
- xbluejay_way@xanga (message)
- reply
ooops i need to brush up on my kissing style...
- 8/21/2009 7:00 PM
- kissy
- reply