Friday, 21 August 2009
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How to Ruin Any Chance of Getting Laid
1. Mention her weight, or one of her physical imperfections, even in passing. Now you've made her self conscious. Self conscious people don't take their clothes for other people.2. When you sit down at the restaurant, pat your knee and tell her to have a seat.
3. Whip out a calculator and split the check down to the penny. I don't know if it's just me, but I always perceive super-stingy men as selfish lovers, or as the emotionally withholding type. Men, this is one time you want to do mental math. Nothing kills horny like a cell phone calculator.
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About the Author
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- From: lotta_valdez@xanga
- About Me: "...I found myself fantasizing about a career in television. It was my dream to create and star in a program called 'Socrates and Company', in which I would travel from place to place accompanied by a brilliant and loyal proboscis monkey." -Dave Sedaris --Naked
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Comments (44)
1. Makeup sex
2. Since when is this a bad thing?
3. I use my cell phone to figure out tips, but I'm getting just as much as someone who doesnt.
i agree with you!
@Dustin_wind@xanga - LOL! love the reply.
to kill it for a guy she can mention that her gay friend wants her to measure you and tell him how big... that effectively killed my horniness for about two minutes, then she broke out the whipped cream and order was restored
Going dutch on the first date is the surest way for a guy to place himself in the friend zone forever.
don't shower, don't work out, and leer at her every couple of moments.
@babyymiichhh@xanga - Lol I'm only telling the truth haha :) But thank youuu!
@Dustin_wind@xanga - you`re welcomeeee (:
-Negative talk about his exes...or about his life in general...all the freaking time, bad breath/body odor, constantly cussing ------------------------total turn offs
people should really try to be less swayed by the innocuous comments of others. what's this self-conscious bs?
Whoops, I forgot that having any sort of post appear on datingish means commenters will rampantly tell me I suck and that my post is super-lame.
Rest assured, everyone: I know I suck!
Save yourself the snippy comment and go have some ice cream.
1: I agree with you 100%. If guys want a super model, go get one. The last thing anyone, must less a girl, wants to hear is something bad about them or as some people I met call it "something you can improve.
2: This is tacky & earns the guy a slap. I wouldnt mind sitting on my BF's lap but not out in a restaurant..
3: This is tricky. I think if you asked you should pay, atleast when you start dating. I dont mind going dutch but I agree with you on the down to the penny issue. I work in retail so I get the value of a dollar but if my food costs 50 cents more & you nag me over it, I think you're a cheap asshole. When I go dutch with friends, we just slip the bill evenly, right down the middle so what's his problem? What I hate is when someone forgets their wallet/money & knows that when you're sitting down to eat but conveinently doesnt bring it up until AFTER the bill comes thinking I'll pay for it. Mom always taught me to never go out without money so I had the waiter split the check & I paid for mine & left them stuck. XD I mean if you tell me BEFORE hand, I dont mind but if you're sneaky, I'll think you planned that.
There are definitely more than 3 ways not to get laid... Actually I think an entry on 3 ways to get laid would be more useful :)
1. word.
2. i think thats cute but it's just not appropriate at a restaurant.
3. carrying a calculator around on a date..haha. id probably just laugh & not even think too much about. oh but i agree with you on the whole selfish stingy withholding thing.
lol.
Are there people that actually do those things? hahah
amongst other things....
4. Talk about sex the ENTIRE date- a sure-fire way of showing you are just out to get laid and will disappear like batman afterwards
5. Ask her if she has condoms.
6. Hit on every girl that crosses your path on the date-the waitress, bartender, hostess
I almost think that since it was just 3 tips, it's not worth the feature. But, it is Datingish and these are dating tips. :p
But, I do agree with what you said in the tips! They were good tips for any guy who might stumble across this to know at least a few of the no-no's that you would think ought to be obvious but apparently aren't. :p
@Starring_Hobo89@xanga - @beebeak@xanga - LMAO to both of these.
Are these first-hand experiences you've had? When I was reading, I was thinking to myself, "Aha, well THAT guy isn't getting laid, based just on how she describes it." Plus, there are much easier ways not to get laid. Beebeak gives a fab list. So no harshness intended, but I think what you mean here is, "Three things that made me decide not to lay Guy X."
ok, i liked. however, if i am taking a girl out to eat, i'm paying, unless it is clearly defined from the start that this was going to be a "dutch date" it just isn't my style. I'm married now, but if i where to find my self single again, there are just things that i do.
open the car door for her, at least to let her into the car
pull out her chair
stand when she gets up to leave the table or when she returns.
pay the check.
I'm not to shy and i'm outgoing, but when it comes to getting physical, i am kinda stand offish, I don't want her to think i'm pushy and i dont want to be accused of anything bad. I don't know anymore, are there no more gentlemen?
hahha #1 is dead on.
4. Try suggesting an unconventional romantic setting, like the backseat while parked in a secluded alley or a porter potty
5. Spend the entire first date talking about your exes and what was wrong about them (yes It's happened)
6. Make sure to live with your parents as long as possible (until you're 35, at least) and always insist on inviting her to your place
suggest dinner but have her meet you at your place. when she buzzes up, leave the door open, and have her walk in on you with your pants down, dick hanging wide in the open. when she finally takes her eyes off your meat to look you in the face with an inquisitive expression, throw her a sly grin with a knowing nod.
@Kneehola_elbowadios@xanga - LOL what a nightmare!