Thursday, 20 August 2009
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Can I Take A Rain Check?
Each time my boyfriend plans to see me, something comes up on that day and I have to reschedule our date =( Well, most of the time I have to stay home and clean because it's always an uber mess. Sometimes, I have to be there to drive my siblings to places 'cause I'm the only one (other than my parents) that has a driver's license. Each time I tell my boyfriend, "Sorry... I can't go." I feel so bad!Don't you hate it when your plans have been conflicted with another event?
He's always the one driving long distances to see me, the one who pays for my meals, the one who initiates the dates, but I'm the one who always rejects him.
I know I don't do this intentionally... but I still feel bad.
Half of the reasons why I'm unable to accompany him is due to my ... unsupportive family.
1) My father doesn't give two thumbs up to this relationship because he thinks I'm too young to mess up my life (his theory: having a boyfriend conflicts with school and family life). By the way, I'm starting my first year of post secondary in the fall, so I guess he's got a point there. No need for distractions?
2) My younger sisters think I go out too often with my boyfriend. They're tired of seeing him at my place every other day.
3) My older sister doesn't want me to make the same mistakes as she did. Falling grades and lying ways.
But my mom, on the other hand, is the number one supporter. She loves the glow in his face when he walks into a room, his friendly, kind smile and his aspiring goals to become a doctor.Seriously, wouldn't you fall head over heels for someone like that? ;)
Anyway, because of the issues I have with my family, I feel like I should make the effort to fix the problems and make compromises. Since they don't want to see my boyfriend too often, I try not to see him too much (although it's summer right now and I'm bored without him!). And as for my boyfriend, I think he's always disappointed that I can't see him whenever he wants to see him. What should I do? I can't make BOTH parties happy, can I?
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About the Author
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- From: awkward_me
- About Me: This is my secret Xanga, which includes many posts of my love life - good and bad. I'm here to vent, pour my heart out, share some stories and get some advice. I'm just a regular teenager, wanting to get through life without falling too deep.
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Comments (15)
Sticky situations, but what I'd have to tell you is, if you make plans with him keep them. If you make plans with your fam, keep them. So what if your sis gets tired of seeing your boy, your the one dating him - not her. However, if she asks in advance for a night out, you and her- respect it.
It isn't impossible. I hold up a 4.0 and I have a boyfriend. As long as you make time for your school work and you make time for family, it shouldn't be a problem.
I agree with the above, it doesnt matter what your family has to say, your dating him not them, at least your mother approves of him so u do have some kind of support there. i say stick to the dates when u guys have plans...stop breaking them because very soon he will get tired of it and stop asking u so just try your hardest to stick with them. it doesnt matter if your sister sees him all the time, hell tell her to look the other way when he comes over if its that serious lol.
in the end it's really your choice and yes, you are the one dating him. you can make it work with compromise. =)
One word. Compromise. And don't plan the day before.... make plans about a week in advance and don't back out.
Just don't back out of plans. You make a plan, with either your boyfriend or your family, then you have to keep it.
Meet him halfway somewhere? if your family is tired of seeing him at your place, meet him somewhere lol
I agree with most of the comments above. Compromising is the way to go. Can't you leave the house when he's over? Maybe go hang out in a park..
I have been the younger sister and I am here to say--she really is hurting, but she has no idea what it is like to be you right now either. So commit to making a certain night girl's night, a certain night family night, a certain night the boy's night, and make plenty of time for school! And for all of those other responsiblities your family is throwing on you, sit them down and talk about how you are all going to make this work, allowing them to understand how much they will always mean to you, but how right now you care so much for this guy and how important he is to your life, and as their beloved daughter how important he needs to be in their lives as well.
Maybe you could hang out somewhere besides your house? Or you could drive and meet him halfway...
if you work hard to keep your grades up, you're showing your father and older sister that you can excel in both school and life. and try really hard NOT to post pone too many dates, no matter how benevolent and understanding he is to you, he can't be patient and sweet always and forever eh?
talk to your mother in helping you in dealing with your 'unsupportive' members of family. you gotta work with what you have, right? :) good luck.
if you can drive, you should drive out to see him more often then. it really sucks that your family isn't more supportive. i had to end a previous relationship because my parents disapproved, and it was definitely hard for me to end what i thought was a perfectly fine relationship. and yeah, older sisters NEVER want you to hurt. im the eldest one and i always tell my sister to not get into relationships until later...just so i can prevent her from getting hurt. sounds like im exactly like your older sister LOL.
You cannot, of course, please all the people all the time. That's just about the only quip I actually agree with wholesale. But your sister's problem (lying ways, bad grades) is HER problem, not a problem with dating in toto. Your father is anxious, I'd suspect, because his daughter has something to do with boys and he "knows how boys are" (as I've heard it, virtually ALL fathers of daughters, get some of that). So maybe that's his problem too.
I'm with your mom on this one, well, insofar as we account for the fact that I don't know any of the people involved.
I think it's important, very important, to remember that relationships are between you and the one involved. Obviously if you're living in your parents household you do have to abide by their rules but it's important to not have 5 people in one relationship. It should just be two. You're not dating your siblings and parents, you're dating him.
It is important too however to remember that your family deserves your time just as much as he does. I agree with most everyone else, just plan ahead and be sure no matter what to not back out. If you have to take your siblings somewhere invite him to come along or meet you wherever you're going for some time to hang out.
It's funny that my role is kinda switched with yours in a way. My boyfriend is always the one cancelling on me. I always drive the distance and initiate the dates.
Anyway, it's a tough situation. Seeing as how your mom is supportive, it makes it a little easier to deal with your family. If she's supportive, then there's no reason why the others shouldn't be. Your dad is always going to be that way, that's how dads are. He needs to get over it, seriously. Your sisters, they matter--but they don't. You're not dating them, and you wouldn't be complaining about seeing their boyfriends all the time. It's hard to please both parties sometimes. But it can be done. Try inviting him to family outings sometimes, that can break the ice and maybe make some of the other members of the family be more supportive of your relationship.