Tuesday, 18 August 2009
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So This is What Happens When You've Been in a Relationship for 3 Years
My SO and I have been in a very committed relationship for 3 years. I've never really had to deal with the "being hit on" thing because we've been together for so long and everyone at school knows. I've had the occasional guy friends that liked me, but never really dared to say it out loud. But I guess there's always a first for everything. So the other day, I was at my cousin's goodbye party (she's leaving for the Air Force at 18). Most of her friends that were there were guys. Several of them and my cousin were riding their skateboards. But there was one that was just standing around. Let's call him Duke.
We talked and he seemed really nice. When I was about to leave, he asked me for my number. Thinking little of it, I gave it. My mistake? Soon he texted me and we started talking. He asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I said yes. Then he goes "Aw, if you were single, I'd date you. I think you're really cute." Not that I mind, but too straightforward, much?!
Errr....change of subject?! So I tried to change the subject. But he kept saying "You're cute." "I like you." "If your boyfriend ever lost you, I'd slap him." and such like that.
He's sweet, and cute and all. But I just want to be friends. And I want that talk to stop. How do I tell him to stop nicely? Advice please?!
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About the Author
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- From: super_retarded_dork@xanga
- Name: Lucy Thach
- Location: Santa Barbara, California, United States
- About Me: 18 going on 19. UCSB. I can't seem to leave xanga. I love blogging here. It helps me remember wonderful memories, even the bad ones.
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Comments (59)
"He's sweet, and cute and all. But I just want to be friends. And I want that talk to stop."
Replace "he's" with "you're" and that's basically all you gotta say.
If you want to tell him to stop complimenting you, perhaps your best course of action would be to say "Thanks, but...you know I have a boyfriend and we're just friends. Right?" *hinthint* Or you could just start mentioning your boyfriend around him a lot, but that might faux pas-like. XP
There is not a guy on this planet that will ask you for your number just to be friends. Keep that in mind, the way he is talking to you is your own fault, and no there is no "easy way" to let him down. You need to straight up tell him you dont like the way he talks to you, and think twice next time you give out your number when in a relationship.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - I would take out the 'cute' part. That would be leading the poor guy on.
@mustardcat@xanga - I kinda think that in a less sketchy setting, ie a classroom or clubs or something, a guy who asks for your phone number might just wanna hang out/be friends. I mean, in a bar or a club, you give out your phone number, you should probably be single...But what if the OP wants male friends?
@mustardcat@xanga - You got a point. Yeah, scratch that cute part. Sweet is good enough.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - i agree, well minus the cute part hahaha. xD you're clever.
@proudsmartypants@xanga - Yeah, I deffinatly see your point. But looking at it from my pov, I would be pissed if my boyfriend came home with some random girls phone number or e-mail. Ya know? You just don't do that, especially in a 3 year relationship as she states.
"Please stop saying things like that. I have a boyfriend, and I'm only interested in you as a friend."
Of course, I would just tell him to shut the fuck up.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - Good advice. Take out the cute part lol.
just tell him politely that those comments make you uncomfortable, and that you'll have to stop talking to him altogether if he keeps it up. you're only interested in being friends, and if he's secretly hoping for more, he's just wasting his time. just be straight forward with him, otherwise he might be misled.
Be firm with him. It takes a while for some people to get the hint. I'm in a situation similar to that, but I'm still trying to maintain my friendship with this dude. Though, we've been talking for much longer, and he only recently came out about liking me.
yeah i agree take out the cute part. but he clearly was interested when you gave him your phone number so i'm not really confident you two can be friends. that's up to you though.
Tell him straight up.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - yep. add me to the list of people who agree (minus the cute).
Just be straight forward with it,just like he was. If you don't say anything he might take it as there's a possibility you like him.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - yep agree, that's a nice reply. ;)
Just tell him straight out.
Duke, eh? You should tell him you'll rip his head off and shit down his neck, 'cause you have ballllllls of steeeeeeel. It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And you're all out of gum.
well, if i were you i would tell him straight up! haha that i wouldn't want to be with him.. it shouldn't be that hard now
Talk alot more often about how much you like your boyfriend and so on. He will get the picture, cuz he is trying to convince you to leave your boyfriend for him basically but once he gets the hint that you aren't leaving, he will probably let it be. Or just straight up ignore his texts and calls. Thats what I do, and it works ; )
At least it's clear to him that you have a boyfriend, and from the sounds of it, he realizes that your in a committed relationship, and knows that nothing will be happening between you, which is good. I can understand where it would start to get frustrating though. As far as how to get it to stop? Be honest. "I know you realize that I have a boyfriend, and that's not going to change - so I'd really appreciate if you stopped talking about it. We're just friends, and that's not going to change either. I appreciate the fact that you like me, but maybe if you can't stop thinking of me in that way, we shouldn't be hanging out."
I don't think you should've gave him your number anyway. I mean you're in a relationship, and unless you would be okay with talking to him with your boyfriend right beside you, you shouldn't be talking to him.
I did that once, and ending up breaking up with my boyfriend to get to know the guy.
BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER.
Don't take what you have for granted.
And if the guy persists to say nothing but comments like that, tell him that you tell your boyfriend everything and that if he can't text you without hitting on you, then he shouldn't text you at all.
I know exactly how you feel. The only thing you CAN do is just keep on changing the subject whenever these guys start the sweet talkin'. They'll eventually get the hint, ha
one of my BOYFRIENDS FRIENDS keeps doing this to me. apparently "he just flirts with everyone" but i've told him to cut it, or ignore him when he talks like that, or have had my bf talk with him several times. seriously! BOUNDARIES! i mean its a shame he's a cool kid to be friends with but i truly love my boyfriend and this kid just gets ridiculous.