Tuesday, 18 August 2009
-
Can I Get Off This Ride?
When I was a kid, I used to watch "The Love Boat" on TV. For those unfamiliar with the show, the basic formula for every episode could be summed up as follows:
1. Boy Meets Girl
2. Boy Gets to Know Girl, resulting in an agonizing he/she loves me...he/she loves me not period
3. Major Conflict/Climax due to this uncertainty and assuming the worst--he/she does NOT love me
4. Confession/Reconciliation/Happily Ever After. The End.
I loved watching that show as a kid, but the thing that I never understood was how anyone could be that confused about what was absolutely crystal clear to me. Every time we would get to that second stage, where everyone was tortured by whether or not the object of their affection felt the same way, I, as the know-it-all eight-year old that I was, would sigh in exasperation and say out loud, "Of course they like you! How can anyone be so stupid?!" It was incomprehensible to me where the confusion came in for these adults. Often, these adults would reply with, "It's complicated," when asked by someone why they had become estranged from one another. Little did I know then that years later, I would be that same clueless adult saying, "It's complicated." Darn. Where did it become so confusing? And why?
I am in a situation right now where that eight-year old in me is screaming, "Of course he likes you! How can you not see that?" But then the more "logical" adult in me looks at all the other signs, missed opportunities he dropped, and the silence on his end from the last two weeks, and I can't help but admit it is complicated. It is confusing. When did the lines blur so much so we can no longer tell what these behaviors mean? Why do we engage in these games of trying to determine whether or not we like each other and assuming the worst? So we back off instead of talking to one another because of fear of rejection or not wanting to ruin the friendship. I guess somewhere along the way, we have encountered enough of these weird situations that we don't know what to think anymore. We sure do manage to muddy things up, don't we?
Ugh. All I know is that I don't really know anything for sure. There are too many variables, too many mixed signals. And neither one of us, I fear, are going to cross that line to broach it. So instead I have taken to opening this silly account, to allow this confusion an outlet. I hate it. I hate it. And because life is funny this way, do you know what I hear playing right now? John Mayer telling me to "Say What You Need to Say." Ha. Ironic...I hear you Johnny. Maybe I'll take you up on that advice. Maybe.
-
recommend
- recs 3
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: the_girl_in_grey@xanga
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 738 Comments: 0 10 View all posts by the_girl_in_grey@xanga
Comments (10)
The reason you knew they'd get together when you were 8 was because it was a movie/tv show, and people usually do get together in those. In real life, we don't have anyone to write the script.
lol maybe all of us should get an eight year old version of us to yell at us when the sign are THAT obvious. maybe that's what we need.a little push from a kid, who can see things as simple. not the complicated thing we made it to be
I totally get what you mean.
I was talking with my current boyfriend,the day he asked me out and I said yes and he said "awesome..I thought you didn't like me" and I laughed and told him how obvious it was.
Sometimes you just need to stop analyzing things.
Risk losing it, and you'll have a greater chance of gaining it.
this is off-topic, but i like your kate hepburn picture. :)
@Stalinn@xanga - I second this. Sometimes you just gotta be straight up front and take the risk. And if it doesn't work, you say "all right, that's fine" and you get on with life. You don't necessarily have to block them and tell them they are a moron and why did I ever waste my time with you. You just learn to be cool with it, and you could avoid talking to them for a while or you could just keep the just friends route.Â
Haha this reminds me of my 9 year old cousin. A couple of months back we were at the wedding of my older cousin and one of the groomsmen continuously asked me to dance and we even exchanged numbers, but nothing ever came of it after the wedding. However, everytime I see my cousin she tells me I need to call or text him because she knows he really likes me and wants to date me. I told her that it wasn't like that, that we just danced and had fun that night and that was the end of it. I would love it if I actually believed her because I could really see myself falling for the guy, but my reasonable adult self tells me that he's not really interested so I shouldn't even try. Life would be so much simpler if we all believed in things the way kids do.
It's different when you are experiencing it, rather than being an objective third party. Especially when that objective third party gets to see everything BOTH people in love are doing, thinking and saying, even when they are not anywhere near each other.
In a movie or TV show, it's easy to forget that while he's thinking how much he loves her, and she's in her own cabin area nowhere near him, that she doesn't hear what he's thinking even though the audience does. Or that when she's talking to acquaintances on the boat about him in some way, that he probably isn't there to hear her. Unless it's something that could be taken the wrong way. ;)
In real life, though, we aren't privy to the things we aren't around to hear, or see. And nobody can read anyone's mind. And the problem with body language is that very minor and subtle differences in the body language can give mixed or completely wrong signals.
In a case where everything is completely confusing, I think it is best to just tell the other person how you feel. At least, that way, everything is out in the open and you will probably get an answer.
The fear of rejection is strong, but what does it matter either way if you never take the chance? Everything in life worth while hurts at least a little bit. And sometimes you have to take a chance like that. :/
Lol, I'm not a big fan of signs, but maybe in this case that John Mayer song's irony was supposed to stand out to you? :p You never know!
Good luck with however you choose to end up handling things. :)
Ha ha. The Love Boat. What a lame show! I never missed an episode!
The trouble with the couples on that show, and with so many couples in real life is lack of honest communication. Not only between the two in the relationship, but within oneself.
Seriously... I (or anyone commenting) could advise you to just bite the bullet and ask him straight out about his feelings. You may or may not like the answer, but whatever the his answer is, it will most likely not kill you to hear it.
But his answer, good or bad in your opinion, relies on whether or not he's been having an honest inner dialogue on the same subject with himself. If he's been thinking about it at all, that is a way good sign! A guy (even a commitment phobe) can lie to himself all he wants. But if he's been thinking about a woman, even to deny to himself that he wants a relationship, then he has some feelings for her.
But some feelings doesn't mean that any guy is ready to make a commitment, or even admit that the feelings exist. How strong are your feelings? Do you really want to know if his are the same or if he has any at all... Or do you just want some kind of connection with him after all the weeks of silence?
go with johnny. tell him how you feel. what do you really have to lose? if you guys are friends then you can get through that, especially with a little bit of time. but i've noticed guys are just as confused, so my style is to just say straight up that i'm interested. then i know for sure we're both on the same page. then the ball is in his court. if he likes me too, cool let's get this show on the road. if not, alright, i tried. moving on. why waste time wondering? it's stupid. take the chance.