Cynic. It happens. Commitment issues, or reality issues?

i sometimes do that with my boyfriend, well cause i've been insecure but i sometimes go "you can always find someone better than me" but than he laughs about it and everything's all right.

xpialadocious <- is an insensitive jerk, don't listen to it. (; i call him/her an "it" . :D

You're both a little wacky. If you're happy in your current relationship, you shouldn't casually bring up its potential end. Nor should you make empty promises of eternal love. Enjoy the time you're spending together and discuss such things when they come up.

There is a middle ground here. Yes, it's unrealistic to think that you can (or should) be together forever; but at the same time, talking about breaking up is quick to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I propose a better approach: Admit that you can't know what the future will bring, but remind yourselves how happy you are now. Don't wonder how long it will last---cherish it for what it is today.

It is annoying. Even though you guys may not last forever, it doesn't mean you bring it up every now and then. You don't tell everyone that you're going to have lunch, dinner sometime later and breakfast tomorrow morning do you?

If you love him and don't want to hurt him and know that this IS hurting him little by little, then you should make the effort to stop saying such things. Yeah, it may be a part of you but, if you want to keep him than change it.

Also, you shouldn't look to far ahead in the future. I was like you but instead of joking I constantly reminded him that he was free to leave if he wanted to. Forever terrifies me but if I focus on making today the best day possible then even if it does come to an end I will have those memories alway.

The thing is, I am a forever kind of person, but only when I mean it. Only when I make the choice in my heart that no matter happens this person is important enough in my life to stick it through and not let go. I have only made that choice about two people, my best friend of 12 years and my fiance. And forever does happen, meet my grandparents and all the adorable couples who lived in the retirement home where I used to work. You just have to believe and make your fears quit controlling your life and feelings.

It's annoying. I understand your position, but the best way to deal with "nothing is forever" is to just live in the moment. If you're happy then, be happy then, and don't think too far into the future. 

My boyfriend and I never really talk about the 'breaking up' topic. I don't really see a reason to unless you really are thinking of breaking up. I mean, I laugh at the people who say 'I KNOW I will spend the rest of my life with this person'..or 'I swear I'm going to marry this person'..but at the same time, I don't think it's that bad to hope for. I mean, even with the person I'm with now, of course I want to be with him forever and want things to work out..but I don't just assume we're going to be no matter what. Breaking up isn't what either of us want though, so if he were to keep bringing it up - I would start thinking that's probably what he wants and I would be hurt and upset. I understand that you don't like the idea of 'forever' but maybe cut back on the break up topic. That probably makes him feel like you don't care if yous were to break up.

Okay, forgive me, but i'm going to be a bit of a jackass here .. well.. more than normal.

-- " I don't want someone to love me for always ... and never let me go." --

BULL SHIT!... 100% absolutely bullshit.  Honestly, do you really believe this line that you're feeding to yourself and us?  NO ONE wants this.  No matter how hard and manly the guy, or no matter how hurt and jaded the girl, we ALWAYS want someone to love and cherish us like we're going to die in 38 minutes!  We might not admit it, but thats the epitome of what a relationship is!  Really, who is sitting around saying "i want a relationship that will be temporary and only lack luster... yeah, that sounds like a good idea!" 

**Okay, off my soap box**

But no, I realize that probably wasn't your intent in saying that, but really...  throughout this whole blog you make it out to sound like you want a temporary relationship.  And yes, you're definitely right, nothing lasts forever... and yes we are all human and make mistakes and are all fallable... but thats kindof the beauty behind the relationship if you think abou it.  Love is so not safe and is so volitale that we always run a huge risk of being massively devistated!  Love is a HUGE gamble.  You invest yourself into the relationship hoping and praying that the other person will at least match your wager!  Maybe you dont go all in and wager 100% of yourself right off the bat.. .but you do wager some!  And then we get all panicky after 4 months of dating, thinking we've wagered 40% of ourselfs and we think the other person only wagered 20% and end up obsessing about it for the next  3 weeks not getting any sleep, developing a stomach ulcer and trying to figure out what the hell to do... because.. like you said.. nothing lasts forever.. nothing is definite... so why try!  Why invest yourself?  Why put out the risk?  Because no one wants to get hurt!

Totally understandalbe.  But understand this.  Your relationship is only as good as the gamble.  If you only put in 40% .. then your relationship CAN ONLY BE 40% good. 

And as for the "find another girl"  / "go in another direction" thing... man, no offense, that would want me to be with you less and less.  If someone were to say that to me, it would almost make it sound like you weren't in the relationship.... like YOU are the person who doesn't want to be there.. .thus making me massively doubt you.  I'm gonna go ahead and put out the idea that, there's a good chance that you're on the way to sabatoging your relationship.

So, stop worrying about the tomorrow's the laters and the what ifs... just... enjoy your relationship now.  Enjoy the guy today.  Its fine to be apprehensive... be scared about the future.. we all are... just... dont let it overcome you.

The thing is, I do agree that you can't say you guys will stay together forever. But you simply can't say that you guys won't be together either. What you really need to ask is, "Are you guys happy now? Is the relationship healthy?" If the answer to those two is yes, then why question your relationship?

I know I would hate it if my girlfriend acted like that. Men are complex creatures that can be insecure as well. I remember when my girlfriend played a supposed harmless joke on for for April Fools, saying that a guy asked her to dinner and she asked me what to answer. Of course, I simply forgot it was April Fools and I simply told her that I can't answer for her, but she should know what to answer. And of course, that got me really upset. In a past relationship, one of my exes dumped me out of the blue even though she wanted to stay together over the summer.

All I'm saying is, don't play with a guy's or girl's emotions because it can seriously tear the relationship apart.

My ex used to do that - he'd threaten to leave, usually when things got a little rocky between us.  I finally called him out on it one night.  I asked why he stayed with me at all if every time we went through a rough spot he was "going to leave."  I also told him that if he was serious about it to go ahead & do it, I wasn't going to force him to stay in a relationship he didn't want to be in.

He stopped saying those things after that confrontation.

You may think you're joking, or you may think you're being realistic, but the fact of the matter is that it's not healthy for your relationship.  You're hurting your boyfriend, whether he'll admit it or you realize it or not.  It's not fair to put him through that all the time, and it certainly isn't helping create a solid foundation for a future together.

You may be right in that you two won't end up together forever, but that doesn't mean you need to be so pessimistic about it now.  Try to enjoy the relationship for what it is - if it doesn't last forever, you've at least learned some things from it (hopefully).