Monday, 17 August 2009
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Dating Preference
First of all, I have never had a boyfriend and there are reasons why I have never had a boyfriend. The main reason is my preference on dating. I'll only date a guy if I am serious about him. I have liked a few different guys in the past years but I only liked them and there was nothing more to it. I don't like getting involved in superficial relationships and probably never will get involved in one because in the end, I'm going to end up heartbroken or I'm going to leave someone else heartbroken.
Secondly, there has only been one guy who I have been serious about. When I mean serious I mean I want to grow old with him. He hasn't been my boyfriend and I'm not quite sure why not. I do have intense feelings for him and a strong connection to him. He's in other words perfect for me in every single way. I don't plan on dating another guy and hopefully he'll be with me someday soon.
What is your preference when it comes to dating?
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Comments (39)
aww, i hope you get him! does he like you the same amount?
As for paragraph one: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." See also, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Sure, they're trite, but seriously, if you don't fall now and get some knee scrapes, the falls only get taller and harder as you get older.
As for paragraph two: there is such a thing as friends forever.
I would say, with minimum snarkiness intended, that you're taking a big risk by insisting that all of your love/like/dating interests be hooked up to "forever." Heartbreak happens; it's not something to feel guilty about or afraid of. In fact it's a big learning experience and you risk missing out on it by going out of your way to avoid it. Plus, avoiding it now doesn't in any way mean avoiding it later. It just means that you'll have less experience with it when it DOES happen.
That said, my own dating preferences are based in conversation. If conversation is easy and honest, especially about things where the other person and I are doing just a little soul-baring, taking some risks with revealing what matters to us, then that's dating material. But you have to take into account that I've already done the whole discovery bit about touching and physical attractiveness and sexual tension and so on. That probably comes first for many people before they can find conversation attractive.
I'm pretty serious about dating too. I won't date someone who I can't see myself being with, personality wise or life plan wise. I've had a few crushes on people who have entirely different beliefs and life goals than me but I'd never ask them out. I just don't see merit in dating someone who doesn't meet my preferences while I can keep looking for someone who does.
I'm at a point in my life where I just want to date for fun, see what's out there & learn more of what I want/don't want in a future partner. I'm usually the type of person that doesn't date around and goes from relationship to relationship. There have been times where it's been difficult (i.e. having to end things with someone, being heartbroken, etc.) but I think it's been quite a learning experience!
mm... I think a large part of dating is figuring out more things about yourself that you never realized, because otherwise you'd never get close enough to another person to know.
I wouldn't just bet it all on one person, even if I felt sure about him.
I settle a lot. Which is bad. But I'm only overcompensating for the self awareness that I have high standards in guys.
Getting to know smeone intimately is the best way to FIND OUT if you want to spend the rest of your life with them, and also a great way to learn about who you are. You don't have to be sure that the person you are involved with is the one you are going to spend the rest of your life with, in fact, even if you are 100% sure that you are with someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with, there is probably a 95% chance that you are wrong. And if it does happen, it will not be the perfect fairy tale you are expecting.
Put yourself out there. That way when you and if you do meet that "perfect person" you will know how to be part of a relationship. Or maybe, you will realize you have been missing out on a plethora of potentially "perfect" people.
Letting someone else know you intimately helps you to know yourself intimately.
P.S. If this guy is so "pefect" for you, dont' you think he would have noticed you by now? Time to move on. He probably isn't attracted to you in a romantic way.
If you really like him and he feels the same towards you, than things will be.. Just make sure he knows how you feel.. Yet, at the same time, don't take any leap towards him... Just let things slowly progress... Remember, the best kind of relationships are the one's created through friendship...
sorry, that's crazy talk.
I really can't see myself dating a guy who I have nothing in common with or that I'm not serious about. I agree with you, I won't get into a relationship that is ultimately superficial and whom I have no future with.
how can you get serious for someone you hardly know? and what makes not-intense relationships, "superficial?" i'm not suggesting you go out with every guy that catches your fancy, but i think you're deathly scared of being getting hurt and this is your method of protecting yourself until you find the right one...but let's face it, do you really know the guy you're SERIOUS about enough to consider him to be THE ONE YOU GROW OLD WITH? Does he want to be the guy you grow old with?
overwhelming someone with your intensity is not a good way of developing mutual respects and interest in a relationship setting. pace yourself.
my preference; i must be physically attracted to him first to engage in conversation afterwards. ppl say it's quite superficial, but as long as he looks good in my eyes, what do i give a rat's ass about what other ppl say? lol GOOD LUCK
I'm with you on this one, i don't date unless I'm serious with them. but I'm not sure about growing old and such, 'cause honestly, how do you know THIS person is the one you're growing old with?
I've had one relationship and came out realizing that I won't get into another unless I think the guy is worth the effort. However, I try to keep an open mind with dating - as my friends are always telling me, you never know what a guy is worth until you give him a shot. My problem is I attract either the guys without a spine or the ones who cannot hold a conversation with me.
I don't have a preference... Not really. As SOON as I say, "I don't want a guy like this (insert adj)" a guy pops into my life that is "this (adj)" and so much worse... So yeah, I should actually raise my standards lol.
Well, I guess I'm still young and not exactly hoping that the next guy I date will be the one I marry. Hooray for carefree flings (for now)!
Totally agree with
I actually thought a lot like you when I was in high school and college. But what happens is you tend to get even pickier and pickier. Then when you do try a relationship....you find out it isn't a cakewalk. There are a ton of things I learned from those failed relationships....and so if you wait till you find "The ONE" (which , really, there is no such thing).... the relationship might fail simply do to something like timing and lack of experience.
Of course I'm not saying to simply date people for practice..... but in a weird way, it kind of is like practice. You not only get better at relationships...but you also find out what you like/dislike and need vs want....which could be very different that what you initially thought.
Things change, even if you found Mr Right, you may not be his Ms Right...or he may turn into Mr Right Now Only...
I tend to waiver kind of like you-- with the whole `` I don`t date guys unless I`m serious about them``, and I love how you think, its exactly the same way I feel. So that`s the reason why I`ve never had a boyfriend either.
I just don`t like ``wasting my time`` with a guy whom I`m not so serious about-- for other people, it works that way, first your not interested in him then next you guys are in love. I`m kind of waiting around to see if there`s a guy who`ll just sweep me off my feet and prove to me that he`s worth my time and while.
I hope for you you think about what feelings you are putting out for a guy that you don't know if he even thinks the same way. I think too few people are saving themselves for other but it shouldn't be abou the heartbroken feeling it should be more about keeping your soul untethered to someone that doesn't respect you or feel the same about you.
I'm somewhere along the same lines as you. I figure if you're not serious, there's no point.
I get to know guys as much as possible first and try my best to give most guys a chance because I'm too young to know what I want. Heartbreak, hurt, tears.. They come with most relationships, I've learned, so I just deal with it and wait til it passes. You never know whether or not he might be something really good. :]
You learn from your experiences.
And you make memories whether it be mistakes or not.
Dive in head first. what's the worst that could happen?
a few bumps and bruises never made someone stop.
While I understand your perspective, there can be a lot of benefits from dating before you meet 'the one.' You can get experience under your belt, not THAT kind of experience, but I for one made mistakes in my early relationships that have been a lifesaver for my current relationship. I would have just died if I had made those mistakes during my current relationship.
i don't go for superficial relationships either, but i have ended up with jackasses who have made me believe that we will end up "forever"...only to find out that those were complete lies as well. if you have strong feelings for this one guy and he IS single...then you should totally go for it. otherwise i think you'll just be waiting for quite awhile if you bat those other "potentials" away.
I'm the same way. I can't be with someone if I don't think we'll be together forever. I could never understand why someone would date anyone just for the sake of having someone to date.