Sunday, 16 August 2009
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WYD Someone Who Had a Kid He/She Never Saw?
Ladies, let's say you meet Mr. Right (Now) and you find out he's got a kid. You ask about said child, but don't get straight answers because Mr. Right (Now) hasn't seen his child in months.
What if he didn't see his child because he didn't WANT to? What if he wasn't ALLOWED to?
Would you still date him?
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- From: El_Prego_Nikki@xanga
- About Me: Nicole, 18, mommy, pulling myself together.
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Comments (25)
Well if someone has a kid at my age that they never saw...-shrugs- what would stop him from doing that to me?
if he didn't want to see the child, no i wouldn't date him. if he wanted to but wasn't allowed, i would.
No. I wouldn't. Compassion and responsibility are two big things for me. I don't want an immature brat who doesn't take responsibility for his own actions. We're not talking about skipping classes or forgetting to feed a dog. This is a kid.
I doubt it.
This hits close to home. I married a guy who never saw his kid. He claimed that is was because his ex wife's family wouldn't allow him to and that he really wanted to and that he was paying support and everything. After we got married, I picked up on the fact that he was lying and it was by his own choice not to see her, communicate with her, and support her. Now, I have an almost 11 month old little boy who hasn't seen his sperm donor (I mean seriously that is all he is) at all except for 2 hours when he was 2 weeks old. I don't get any support and am still trying to divorce the bastard. So ummm, I say if you come across a guy who has a kid he doesn't see (even if he says he isn't allowed because honestly as I figured out he would have had to have done something horrible to not be allowed to see his own kid) run the other way. Chances are he'll do the same to you...
no. because that's like two strikes. 1. he has a kid. 2. he's irresponsible (in two aspects too). he's irresponsible because he had the baby, and he's irresponsible because he doesn't take the effort to take care of his own child.
I'm thinking no on both. If he doesn't want to, he's not worth anyone's time. If he's not allowed to, that makes me wonder WHY he's not allowed. The court doesn't usually deny a parent visitation without good reason.
No way. There has to be a reason, and it's probably a crappy one.
no... neither one sounds good
No.
If he didn't want to, then no.
If he wasn't allowed to, well it would depend on why he wasn't, right?
hmmm probably not..i dont like a man who cant take care of his own responsibiltys. thats on some little kid shit and im not intrested in dating a kid, i rather a man thank u! and by him not taken care of his kid makes him a imature little kid. but he can lay up and have babys right, Pretty much its obvious if u was to get pregnant he would do the same thing to you. and im sure women dont want to be with a dead beat. but if u date him then you are settling your own self up.
On the other hand if he couldnt see his child, i would ask why and depending on the situation with that then i will make a descion from there.
he didnt want to see his child? that just shows you if you have a kid together & things don't work out, then how would you know he won't do the same thing to you & your child?
if he's not allowed to see the baby, well... Why not? Children need to see their parents.I would have to get some answers out of him before I'd go any further in the relationship. I don't think you'd want an immature guy who won't take responsibility for his actions.hope everything works outMy dad died when I was young, so I know the importance of a father's role.
I would date a man with kids.
I would date him if he wanted to see his kids, but for whatever reason wasn't able to.
I would not however be with a man who had kids but who did not maintain or want to see them.
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Depends on the back story.
If he CAN visit his child and chooses not to then no, I wouldn't date an asshole bum father.
If he couldn't visit him because of drama legal reasons then I think I'm too young to be getting into that mess.
If its something like him and the mom gave the kid up for adoption and it's a closed adoption then I would consider it. I might date him but I know myself, and after the while the tension of knowing you have a child and never seeing it would kill me.
@So_My_Life_Begins@xanga -
I was in the same situation twice! *hug girrrl!*
I've finally learned my lesson!
The first time this guy told me that his daughter's family didn't want him around, something like gang rivalry. We then had a pregnancy scare and he started running away and dumped me. Then I found out that he got another girl pregnant and put up her baby for adoption, she gave him many chances to go prevent the adoption. He likes to use anything and everything to not confront his responsibilities.
The second time, my ex lives in Utah and his kids in NY. So the distance was hard and plus he was "emotionally too hurt to deal with it and was afraid to not be able to get custody of his kids ever" um, yeah...I believed it because he would get emotional and I wasn't able to get a straight answer from him about why he didn't try. Now that we're separated I understand that as much as he WANTED to see them, he was a coward and he didn't want to get a job so that he could start paying child support and get a lawyer so he could assure custody. But now, it's been 2 years of him actually getting off his butt and trying to contact them, but he doesn't even try to send any money or try to save up money to attempt to see them...time is against him in this situation.
Maybe in his heart he WANTED to see them and loves them, it doesn't
mean that he's actually motivated to do anything about it. If he was
prohibited from seeing his kids, well yes there is a really big reason
behind that decision from the court.
My point of view is: If your Mr. Right WANTED to see his kids, he wouldn't let anyone or anything make him give up fighting for them. He has to show that his kids are the center of his universe. No excuses.
This one hits me close, too, as I am dating someone who has a seven year old that he never sees. Honestly, it makes our relationship a lot harder than it needs to be. Unfortunately, despite that one problem, we are perfect together. I'm not sure if he wants to see her or not...but I know I have to be careful because I don't want that to be me, either, in the long run. She's just something we don't talk about because basically it was a one night stand gone bad, from what I've gathered. I keep reminding myself, that at 17, he was a completely different person than he is now.
Um, first of all, in the age of "family preservation" it takes something EXTREMELY bad to NOT be allowed to see your child/children. Basically, you need to abuse them violently/sexually or be so entirely neglectful that to have contact with the kids would kill them emotionally or phsyically.
My ex and sperm donor to my son is a horrid person, never laid eyes on my boy, never paid child support and periodically harasses me and my family. I've been to court several times over violation of protective orders.
How many times have I been to court for visitation issues? NEVER. He files, says he wants to be a father and NEVER follows through. As AWFUL as he was to me, as much as he hit me while I was pregnant, and being over $20,000 behind in child support, he is still allowed reasonable visitation.
Hell, I even paid for him once to have supervised visitation since he'd never met my boy. He cancelled at the last minute.
So if your man isn't allowed to visit his children by order of the courts, he's a monster. If the bio-mom doesn't allow it, its beause he's not really interested in persuing visitation. If a man wants to be a dad, he will. He will jump through EVERY hoop to be a parent no matter what.
By the way, most divorce and custody agreements and judgements are a matter of public record. You can go to the courthouse that handled the case, view the custody arrangement for free and find out IF he really is NOT allowed to see his kid(s).
I'd rather not have a guy who has a child already. But if he did, I'd want him to be in his child's life from birth to death.
no way. if he didn't want to see his kid, he's obviously a bad father. and isn't the point of dating and everything to find someone you could marry and have kids with? and if he wasn't allowed to see his kid, he's obviously done something to the mom or the kid that the mom or the state doesn't want him around the kid. so no way would i date a guy like that.Â
i think i wouldn't date someone with a child- period. in a way, there would be less baggage if they never saw the child- for example, if the kid lived in another state or something- and less contact with the ex. but quite frankly, i can barely stand the baggage from a kid-free relationship- that would just be too much
also, mightn't it be easier if he never sees the child? i mean, that way at least there would be fewer crazy ex issues. if it were me and i had a kid and the guy left me, i wouldn't want him to see the kid, either. i'd want him out of our lives, and i think kids have more stable lives if they have consistent parents, whoever those parents are (or aren't)
I'd have to know the reasons why he doesn't want to see his child or isn't allowed to.
it would definitely depend on why he wasn't allowed