Thursday, 13 August 2009

  • Follow-Up: "I Lied Because I Loved You"

    Several of the comments on my post "I Lied Because I Loved You" stated that you wanted more background information in order to decide whether or not you think he really loved me.

    I did not provide that information in the first place because I was really more interested in how you might react had it happened to you. This situation has been over and done with for over 3 years now.

    But, for those of you wondering about the full story and my reaction, here it is:

    We'd been dating for about a year and he started asking me for sexual things that I was not willing to give him (He knew this from the beginning - I'm waiting). He then went out with a mutual friend of ours after a night of our arguing about why I wouldn't do these things with him. Apparently she kissed him and he did not stop her and they went all the way. Afterward  , he sent her several messages thanking her for a wonderful evening and telling her that they should get together again. He had given me access to his email account a while back, and encouraged me to look at it whenever I wanted. I never did, except for the day after he sent those messages. I confronted him about it and he denied it at first until he finally said "I did it because I loved you" (there's that love word again).

    He claimed that by getting the things he wanted from her, he would be able to "more fully love [me]" because he wouldn't have to be constantly pressuring me to do those things. Also, he told me "I would have kept doing it had you not found out and I would have taken it to the grave; you would have never needed to know." However, after all of his sorry's and I love yous, I decided to try to "work it out" (I was 17 and "in love"; Just FYI: he was 18). I was really more upset about the fact that he was planning to do it again than that it had happened the first time. We stayed together for a while after that and he cheated again, but we ultimately broke up because of other issues.

    If you responded to the first post, does any of this change your answer or reaction?
    If you did not respond to the first post, how would you have reacted given this situation? Have you been in a similar situation?

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Comments (60)

  • ViciousGrin63@xanga

    What a dick.
  • yourkbear@xanga

    If he cheated, he obviously didn't love you all that much--especially if he cheated AGAIN. He was a jerk who was using the l-word to get his way. It sucks, but it's a fact of life; some people are just that selfish.
  • Dare2BDiferentt@xanga

    He'll make a great husband some day.
  • chadwilly@xanga

    I'd make fucking mincemeat out of him for feeding me lines like that.
    I'm sorry.
  • Rozewyn@xanga

    That's such a hard situation to be in. Although if you weren't right for him, instead of cheating on you, he should have ended the relationship and searched for someone who fit what he wanted more. Not to be insulting, of course. Most men cheat because there is something lacking in the relationship they are in. =/ Or because they can't resist the temptation. At least that's how it is from what I've seen.

  • loveashii@xanga

    Wow. What a fucking moron. Sorry, but it's the truth. If you really love someone then you don't need the excuse to go out on a one night stand. Better yet you don't need to do it at all because if you love someone you will wait.
    If someone did that to me I would dump their ass the minute I found out.
    Deceitful, cheating assholes like that shouldn't be tolerated, no matter how much he says he "loves" you or how much you may think you love him.
  • PervyPenguin@xanga

    Love isn't real. In this case, he used the word as an excuse for not telling you and making you believe that the reason he deceived you was because he cared for you. If he did "love" you, he wouldn't have went behind your back in the first place. Using the L-word in that context was a pathetic excuse to justify his breaking of your trust.

    You'll find a better mate.

    - Kunoichi
  • lovelaborcomplex@xanga

    Yeah... if he really loved you that much he wouldn't have cheated.
  • Minndi@xanga

    He's either an idiot or an asshole.


    He cheated after you found out about the other time and you'd been hurt? It'd be one thing for him to slip up once. It's another if he doesn't show regret or try to avoid repetition.


    And saying he cheated because he loved you is bullshit. Lying out of a want to protect the person is something else, which is what I got from the other post.
  • shaggyglasses@xanga

    he slept with someone because he loved you, because it was for you... sounds more like it was for him, what a selfish twat. never been in that situation but if i do come across then i'll simply leave. what greater way to show love to a loved one then to keep your pants on in front of someone else.
  • JessxMaxine@xanga

    he is an asshole. i fucked some other girls (planned on keeping it from you) to protect you? or make me love you fully? wtf kind of bullshit is that? fuck that. i would have kicked him the balls.

    xo
  • Heart_Mary25@xanga

    he's a dick, i would've messed his shit up... just saying
  • keio213@xanga
    A cheater is a cheater there is no out for that. Like I said on the first post, something was missing in the relationship. That doesn't mean that he have the right to bang another girl.
  • Southeast_Beauty@xanga

    Selfish bastard. He thought he got to screw her and keep you too? Naw. It doesn't work like that. He should have ended the relationship with you and stopped you from getting hurt any further, if he had been a real man to begin with.
  • SWEETxN0VEMBER@xanga

    he was an a-hole. simple as that and i would of kicked his ass for doing stupid shit like that and for saying idiotic things. ugh.
  • waste_my_time_x7@xanga

    the first time i read it i thought it was could be legit. but now, wow. what a dick face.
  • Lushy@xanga

    Wow.  That's ridiculous.  I wouldn't waste another minute thinking about that idiot.
  • xpialadocious@xanga

    So he separates (in his argument, anyway) his sex life from his love (emotional) life and claims that by satisfying the former, and cheating on you, he actually gratifies the latter, "so that he won't bug you for it."  Since when does wanting sex make love impossible? 


    He should either have broken up with you because you didn't want to (pardon my French) put out, OR you should have broken up with him because his logic is faulty, OR you both should have wanted to break up because you were (at that time and perhaps since) simply not sexually compatible, love or no love. 


    Basically, he should have been honest and said that he needed either to get some or to get out.  You should have then said, assuming that you wouldn't have given it up, for him to get out.  Then you two would have been spared all this fuckassery. 


  • eatdrinkandbemaryy@xanga

    wow. now i firmly stick behind what i initially said, "EXCUSES."  plus asshole, douchebag, flake, selfish, bastard. 
  • storiesandsinker@xanga

    Someone should punch him in the face.
  • patience_isnt

    That's really stupid on his part. Like, he just wanted to get with you obviously, and then get with anyone (and everyone) else. I have no idea how I would react, given I'm not in that situation and I never have been. But considering, I would probably break up with him. I know that's just from someone who's criticizing the situation after it's over and done with, but that's what I assume I'd do: leave the bastard. 
  • mynameisblueskye@xanga

    @chadwilly@xanga - Straight. If he wasn't sexually satisfied and she wants to wait, the least he can do is kick rocks so she can find a man willing to comply with her. Getting sexual favors anywhere else is just bringing her down, like he doesn't love her enough to be patient with her. That's not love, that's complete disillusion to what she treats sex as: not just an act to scratch the itch, but a true act of love.


    Any man would have actually did what he wanted to do, before being with someone they truly loved. Or had the will power to wait with her.
  • Camouflaged_by_night@xanga

    WRONG! If he loved you, he'd keep it in his pants, take a cold shower, and wait it out until you were ready. Once it was clear that he has a jacked up state of mind (when he said he had sex with another woman because he "loved" you) was the point at which he should've been let go.


    My opinion from the other post still stands, though. And this post just reinforces it.
  • retardtm@xanga

    he did it because he loves you? thats the biggest BS i've heard today.
    like others have said, if he loves you, he wouldnt need to cheat, and therefore, respected the fact that you're waiting, but he took none of that.
    what an a**hole!
  • rhiannonator@xanga

    he is a sick person to have tried to manipulate you into falling for his ways. what a jerkoff--that needs to learn how to jerk off

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