Thursday, 13 August 2009

  • Friends Sworn to Secrecy

    Miss Gorilla

    Last night, I decided to indulge in a few hours of HBO on Demand. I ended up watching The Women, a film that follows a group of female friends dealing with the aftermath of an affair Meg Ryan's character, Mary, catches her husband in.



    In the movie, before Mary discovers the truth about her cheating husband, her three closest friends find out through the grapevine and struggle with the decision of whether or not to tell her. It got me thinking: should you tell a friend if you find out that his or her SO is messing around? What do you think?

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Comments (34)

  • snapeful@xanga

    Dont understand why not if you guys are good friends. isn't it a duty? 
  • ViciousGrin63@xanga

    It's not really anyone else's business besides those who are involved in the affair, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing if someone told the person being cheated.


    I would want to know, regardless of who told me.
  • Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga

    yea you should. end of story.

    i myself struggled with the decision beforehand as well, but ultimately, my real best friend came before her shitty ass relationship. she was glad i spoke up ...
  • Fairywife@xanga

    I'd confront the person cheating and tell them to tell. But if they don't, then it'd be my obligation to. How angry would someonne be if I knew but didn't say anything?
  • soberheartss@xanga

    i think so.
  • Girl_Without_Pity@xanga

    You should watch the original movie...it's a lot better.
    As for the question: I see it as a no-win situation. If I discover my friend's boyfriend cheating on her and don't tell her, when they DO break up she'll wish someone would have told her sooner making me feel like shit. Now if I did tell her her boyfriend was cheating on her, her initial reaction would be one of two: either she doesn't believe (which would just piss me off) and continues the relationship or she's skeptical, tries to find out herself--and after a long while maybe she'll believe me. Like I said it's a no-win situation but I'll feel obligated to tell her. This also goes for my guy friends too.

  • abh816@xanga

    If one of my close friends found out my boyfriend/husband was cheating on me, and didn't tell me, I don't think I could ever forgive them. If I found out one of my friends' boyfriends/husbands were cheating on them, I'd call them and tell them in a second flat. It's not pleasant to be the messenger, and she might accuse me of lying, or think I'm mistaken, but at least when she found out, she'd know I had her back all along.
  • Minndi@xanga

    I'd prefer my friend to tell me than to ignore the situation or interfere by trying to get my SO to tell me. If I trust the friend anyway, I don't see why they'd lie to me.


    It gets sketchier if they're both my friend as well as my SO's (in which case, they might have been told something in confidence), or if I know they have a negative opinion of the relationship otherwise (though most trusted friends still wouldn't make something up).
  • XoAsianBabioX@xanga

    i definitely would tell. i can't stand by watching my friend get hurt. 
  • xLadyFireCrotchx@xanga

    absolutely tell them 
  • xsPoNgEs_go_SQUISHx13@xanga

    not unless she wants a reason to break up with him.
    or he's abusive and she thinks he still has redeeming qualities. (aka. when she's 'love-stupid')


    it's not my business and she's going to find out anyway. it would be better if she hashed it out without my influence.
  • Opiate21@xanga

    Happened to my friend. We approached the girl and told her to stop cheating. Upon one repeat offense, we had an intervention and informed our friend (the dude) that his girl was cheating on him.


    Yes! If you're a friend, you should absolutely tell your friend if you know their SO is cheating.
    Don't judge or make assumptions - just tell them what you saw like an objective reporter. It's up to your friend what they do with the info....friends have to look out for each other.
  • annamariuhh@xanga

    I had a very good friend for a few years.  His girlfriend constantly hung out and talked to a crowd of people he didn't want her to talk to without his knowledge (I used to be friends with them too).  I kept telling her to tell him and she never did.  One day I finally told him.  Result?  He stops talking to me. =_= How does that even work out?
  • mycontinuity@xanga

    No. Once I told my friend her bf was cheating on her (with more than one girl, mind you), but then she decided that she didn't care, got mad at me and never talked to me again. 
  • patience_isnt

    I would probably tell the person, even if it risked our friendship. I mean, life is full of risks, and it would be in their best interest, I'm assuming. 
  • XxFireXboltxX@xanga

    I've been in this situation. I saw one of my guy friend's fiance at the mall...kissing another guy. I felt like he needed to know before they got married. I called him as soon as I got home. I felt horrible being the messenger but he confronted her and she fessed up. My husband kept telling me I was doing the right thing but...I kinda felt like a snitch. :( My friend said he was glad I told him. We're all adults so I'm glad everyone could act like it and be honest. 
  • Camouflaged_by_night@xanga

    If the friends have checked and know without a doubt, and the husband hasn't come clean, then I'd say yes.
  • joycemiles@xanga

    I would want to know as soon as possible.  So if my close friends knew, I would want them to tell me as soon as they find out (that its true).
  • msakiki@xanga

    @Girl_Without_Pity@xanga - Oh I KNEW I'd seen a movie like this before!! LOl do you remember the name of it? was it still called the women? I just remember that the woman was a perfume lady and they were in the same dress shop at some point =/
  • Girl_Without_Pity@xanga

    @msakiki@xanga - Glad to know of someone else who's heard of it Here's a link that will help you out. 
  • EcstasyBliss@xanga

    I thought this situation was a no brainer? If you are a true friend you would tell them. 
  • momoschill

    i think its a tough call no matter how you look at it, and depends on your relationship with your friend. some friends will get mad and some will appreciate it. so i guess id tell my friend depending on how good and serious/deep our friendship is. i told one friend once and she listened to me and told me she appreciated me telling her but shes gonna keep dating him and see how it all works out, of course they broke up but she was happy she knew about it. 
  • ate_kate@xanga

    The only thing worse than your guy cheating on you, is feeling betrayed by your FRIENDS.
  • linguistic_nonsense@xanga

    I think it's a tough situation to make. Either way is sure to bring unwanted risks our way. If we tell then we risk biting more off than we want to chew. If we don't tell then we take the risk of the friend finding out we knew and damaging the friendship if not destroying it completely. Not only that, but then we have to live with the guilt that we said nothing, wondering if having said something might have made a difference.
  • Vacantwhispers@xanga

    I'd tell them.

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