I was thinking about this hypothetical after I saw 16 And Pregnant and just now remembered to write a post about it.
Catelynn and Tyler had a kid together and gave her up for adoption. Let's assume Catelynn and Tyler break up in the future. They haven't raised their baby together, just created her.
When they are with new people, are they obligated to inform their new SOs that they have had a child?
I think I would want to know if a guy had fathered a child, even if he never actually parented the kid. I wouldn't call it a dealbreaker, but the thought that he was so serious with another person would definitely be something to think about.
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Well to be honest, i think i would like to know.
It's clearly not something you would bring up on the first date or something but also it's better to find our from the father himself that he had once fathered a child rather than his friends or his mother.
Well, if the relationship is serious, I'd say that you should tell them if you've had a child and gave it up. Having a kid is something important in your past, whether you raised it or not. I'd want to know.
It's a major event, but if someone doesn't want to tell me, that's up to them.
I would. If they can't deal with it, fine then.
While I don't think it should be mandatory I do think morally people should feel almost obligated to tell. Of course, they can wait until the relationship became more serious before letting others know.
@ordinary_gir1@xanga - Agreed, I'm sure the father wouldn't want you finding out from someone else as well.
Like the poster said, its not a deal breaker, but it is important information. Knowing that someone fathered a child with someone else would change how you look at them, not in a negative way but it is important to let the other person know. I mean, how heartbreaking would it be to be having a kid with this person, thinking its a first child for both of you and being so excited about it.. and then finding out he's already been through it? I think I would be a little hurt by that.
I think if they are in a serious relationship or at least getting to that point, one should inform the other person for sure. It is not a dealbreaker, I think, but it is a huge and important part of a person's life so that your partner would want to know.
I don't see why not.
@mustardcat@xanga - I agree with this. Someone's first child is a big deal even if he/she was given up for adoption. I would want to know if my husband fathered a child before us as he knew our daughter wasn't my first. She was *our* first, but my 2nd.
"...but the thought that he was so serious with another person would definitely be something to think about. "
Exactly what's serious about giving up a baby for adoption?
just because the two had a child doesn't necessarily have to mean that they were "that serious" with each other, all it has to mean is that they had sex. it could have been a one night stand. I agree that I would be upset if my boyfriend never told me he fathered a child but not for the same reasons. people have sex with more than one person, that isn't the issue. the fact that he was irresponsible enough to get a girl pregnant when she didn't want to be would bother me. i wouldn't want to be with someone knowing that he could potentially get me pregnant by accident as well.Â
it's not the best thing to throw up in the air after a month or two, but when a person gets very serious with another person, this kind of information is important.
Maybe it's just me, because I have no discretion and like my boyfriend to know absolutely everything, but yeah, I'd tell them.
I'd tell a serious future SO, but not on the first date as an icebreaker or anything...
I don't think you're obligated, but I think it says something about the relationship if you don't. I believe that relationships should be 2 people who are completely real with each other and honest, not just presently with things in their life, but with major life events that have gone on before. Things that we've done or things that have happened to us, can shape who we are, and I think it would help our partner to understand us.
I have a son. He died shortly before birth, and was born still. I went through 9 months of pregnancy. He was a part of my life, and he still is, just not how I intended him to be. I do have a tat of his footprints which makes it impossible NOT to tell someone (and I also have a c-section scar), but even if I didn't, once I get to know a guy and begin to date him, he's gonna know that I have a son. My pregnancy and my loss is a HUGE part of my life, and to know me is to know the hurt(s) I've been through in my life.
If you can't trust your partner with information about your life prior to them, then I think one should rethink the relationship.
I would want to know for sure. I mean, what if he was irresponsible and that's why he got his ex pregnant?
And if it was vice-versa, I'd definitely tell the person. Not right away, but once I knew we were getting more serious.Honesty.
I would want to know. I wouldn't want to start a serious relationship based on secrets.
just because he fathered a child didn't mean that he was committed to the woman. or "serious", or anything. just an fyi. one night stands can cause babies. doesn't mean it meant jack shit.
I do not think I would be a man to disregard the fact that I am the giver of life to an infant, no matter how difficult it may be raising the child.
So yes, I would tell, but yes, raise the child also.
Now that is something for the girl to think about, haha
i would if it ever came up in convo.
It's Something That I Would Rather Him Never Mention If Not Necessary. I'd Rather Not Know, Cuz Once I Did Know It Would Change My Perspective On Him.
Having a child with someone has nothing to do with being serious.
Although I think I would like to know... just incase something goes down in the future.
it depends,
is he someone who would want to know, or you feel has a right to know? or would he be a threat? if he's dangerous, i don't think he has the right to know.I personally would like to know, and I would be completely honest if it had happened to me too.
But everyone is different, I guess.
If they're going to get married, then the SO should know for sure that this kid might pop into their life asking questions sometime in the future.