Thursday, 13 August 2009

• What Men Really Feel

  This goes out to all the females that think that they’re always misunderstood. I know I can speak for all the guys out there, when I say that we feel the same way as well. Here are some things that we feel that females get the wrong impression about us men. These are some of our guidelines you need to take into consideration.
  
  We are not mind readers, so don’t think we always know what’s on your minds, you want us to know how you feel just tell us in the easiest way that we can understand you. We are definitely not mind readers. You know what, learn to work the toilet seat, you're a big girl. If it's up, put it down; too easy! We need it up, you need it down. You never hear us complain that the toilet seat is down. This one is very important, Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides, just let it be... and no, shopping is not a sport and never will it become one.
  
  Crying is blackmail, don’t bother trying, we men will eventually learn not to cave in. When special holidays roll around, ask for what you want. Let me be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work, strong hints do not work, and obvious hints do not work! Just tell me what it is that you want! Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it, that's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem, please go see a doctor. Anything we say six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  
  If you won't dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Please don't ask us, it’s a lose - lose situation for us guys. If something that we said can be interpreted into two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we definitely meant the other one. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, but definitely not both. If you already know what the best way is, just do it yourself. When watching TV, please say whatever it is you have to say during the commercial breaks.
  
  Most men see in only 16 colors, like the Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit, but we have no idea what mauve is. If shit itches, it will be scratched. We do that; please don’t tell us otherwise. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong. We know that you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  

  If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, really. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, cars, hunting, fishing, the shotgun formation, hockey, baseball, basketball or golf. Lastly never complain that you have nothing to wear. You have enough clothes and you have too many shoes.
  
  Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that; soft couch, big plasma TV, and a cold brewsky. Can’t get any better.

  Reader's Comments

  -"...males had heard of that 7 day rule, it would have solved 95 percent of our problems. Well...ok, maybe 50 percent anyway. Some men love to save up that kitchen sink and dump it on you when out of sorts. f*ck that!" -Loonsounds

  -"I always told my ex what I wanted and what's wrong but he still continued to ask. *shrugs* I don't play mind games." -SimplyNita

  -"...men/ women- we are all unique individuals. can't speak for all women- but... it doesn't hurt to give them 'extra' attention sometimes..." -EternalLove
  
  Editor's note: It's been pointed out that this is a rewrite of a classic email forward. Thanks for pointing it out - we think the poster's insights enhance the original message!

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