Wednesday, 12 August 2009
-
What's The Difference between Waiting and Dating?
Besides the obvious differences in definition, I've found myself in a situation in which I am "waiting" to "date". But what really is the point in this? I suppose waiting is a higher level of commitment, but does that mean it would hurt him any less if I were to find someone else while we anticipated dating in the future?
My friend introduced me to one of her friends online. He's 4 years older than I am and to be honest, he seems practically perfect. He has already graduated from college, he's starting a career, he's funny, nice, sweet, romantic, intelligent and absolutely flawless (to my perception).
Unfortunately, with his new career on the way and my first year of college starting in under a month, it would seem that right now would be an ill-advised time to start dating. He's assured me that he likes me, that he finds me "perfect" and "beautiful" and that had we met at a different time, we would have been in the perfect position to date.
We continued to talk about this and as we did, his answers went from blunt and hopeless to ambiguous and promising. In the course of one straight forward conversation we went from "We have no future together" to "Maybe once things settle down, we can grab a coffee."
I told him I had learned not to hold my breath when guys say this, but have I? To be honest, I'm exactly the type of girl to hold on to hope when it is given to me - especially when I really like someone. I'm not sure the depth of my feelings for him, and to be honest, we've only been speaking for 1 month, 1 week and 2 days (which we spoke every single day without fail, even if it was just to say "goodnight"), but, I feel as though, had we met in person, and not online, we would have been dating by now.
So what really is the difference between waiting and dating? Because at this point, I'd still feel bad if someone else were to hit on me, because on some level, I've committed myself to liking him, and the possibility of "maybe".
The only question left in my mind really, is "Has he?"
So, is there a point in waiting to date? Or is it really just an excuse?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: oXSweetAviators@xanga
- Name: Jennifer
- About Me: Hi Everyone, I'm Jen and I'm 18. I'm a musician/artist/writer/actor/dork. Xanga is just something to pass the time =] Hopefully (if you're reading this) I've posted something of interest that you've liked. =]
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 2803 Comments: 0 72 View all posts by oXSweetAviators@xanga
Comments (40)
If you find someone else, go for it. That someone might be even more wonderful.
If the first guy's hurt by it, too bad. =\
He had his chance.
I'm a waiter, so to speak. I am usually fine with waiting for a guy. That's mostly because I don't know how to be a girlfriend and am slightly unwilling to go through that awkwardness, along with that fact that it's not fun to be pressured into sex. But that's just me.
I feel like if he was really into you... he'd just say, to hell with it, and make it work-- with warnings about his crazy whirlwind of a life.
Keep him on the back burner but... don't screw yourself over or else he won't feel any pressure to finally make the move and COMMIT!
If he isn't ready, he will NEVER be. If he can come up with an excuse now and have you believe it....you're going to have an interesting "wait." Waiting for someone that you're actually dating is completely different from waiting for someone TO date. You may possibly be throwing away the best years of your life just because some guy gave you a slight possibility vs. the real deal.
to wait or not to wait... id say put a deadline...
If he says he's not ready now, believe it. I don't think he's playing hard-to-get or anything. Same thing happened to me and I thought we were going to be together eventually until he told me, "Oh I thought you knew. I don't want that...at all."
Don't wait for a potential relationship when you're SO YOUNG. Come on, you're starting your first year of COLLEGE! These are the best years of your life, and I wish I had known that my first year. I spent my first year moping around because I was waiting for my boyfriend to realize that I was the one, that he won't find anyone better than me at his college.
Turned out? he was dating all these girls while I was wasting my youth thinking about him and rejecting these great guys that were interested in me.
Leave him be at this moment. If he wanted you, he WOULD do something- not just give you a vague response.
I say move on, for some reason this guy doesnt seem that intrested in dating at the moment. he seems to be more focused on his future (which isnt a bad thing at all) and not ready for relationships and normally when that happens it usually takes awhile before the guy starts to get intrested in dating again. so just be careful and dont let a good man pass u by.
sounds somewhat like my past situation. i met someone online who was absolutely perfect in my eyes. we talked and decided that at that point in our lives a relationship wouldn't work out, but maybe in the future. we both did our own thing, yet still talked almost everyday. we dated other people and even ended up going a few months with veryyyyy infrequent chats (
) BUT! things picked back up and we're now together! we've been happily dating for a little under 3 months and i'm SO glad things worked out. 
hopefully things work out for you. just make sure you both mutually agree on what you're going to do.
Move on.
This is pretty much like my situation. Except my boyfriend and I are dating each other; he's around 5 years older than I am. I'm in highschool whereas he's in college. I was never allowed to date even now, but hell.. As I got to learn about him online through a friend, he came out to be.. the perfect guy in my eyes. He was.. so much like me and we loved being just so weird and random together. We made each other laugh.. cry.. loved.. And he's even my perfect height. Just a few inches taller than me cause I'm short. Well. We had been going out for almost half a year before I stood up to my mom to tell her about him. Of course she got mad and nearly banned me from dating him for another year or so (when Im ALLOWED to date). But I didn't want that. So we snuck out to see each other.. I confronted my mother once again to get through to her head that I wanted this badly enough to snoop this low.. But now.. she told me we HAD to wait. And so we are. For another year we'd have to wait for each other..
And in our own way.. we committed ourselves to each other.. trust each other enough to do this. Because I know he's the one for me..
I'm "waiting" too.
So I'll wait for a few more answers.
date while you wait.
hey, if it rhymes, it must be good advice.
Again, as I have for other people, I point you to the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." If a man wants to be with you, he will make it happen, regardless of circumstance. I don't claim to know what his deal is, but if he wanted to date you, he'd be dating you right now instead of waiting.
If he really is wanting to date you in the future, then he'll come calling when he's decided it's time (which is another thing that bugs me...why don't you get a say in when to date him?) But meanwhile, you're going to get very tired and strung out waiting for "the right time" to date him. Don't give up on meeting other guys...you may find someone who's just as perfect for you, but is actually willing to date you and make it work. Don't pin all your hopes on this guy...or you may be waiting forever.
-Katie
ehm yeah he really gave you no real reason to wait around. sorry but i'd keep looking ...
move on, somehow this guy seems like he's searching for someone better, someone who's going to be successful, someone who's going to (well, you get it, the list goes on)... especially from the read of it, he seems like a pretty ambitious guy, especially with education and career...
this hope he's giving you at the moment, could be false hope... if you think about it, how else would he push you away without hurting you... he did mention he doesn't see a future with you and he's probably hoping you find someone new and forget about him while you're waiting for him...
so yeah, just move on... if i'm wrong, then i'm wrong, but at least you would've found someone new... someone you care more than him... if that's the case, it's really his lost...
@SeaChaCha@xanga - she could be waiting for a slight possibility vs. the real deal...what a brilliant insight. obvious, but still a viewpoint some girls may never have. thanks for this.
it's okay, technically i'm waiting to date too. if you like him, then sometimes you gotta put yourself out there and risk getting hurt you know. you dont know what the future will bring and if you worry too much about it, you're gonna hurt yourself in the end. Just chill out and enjoy the conversations you have with him. enjoy the moment while it lasts, because when it's gone, you'll regret it
This is very similar to my situation. I know a lot of people are saying that if he's not making a commitment, then you should see other people. The thing with my situation (I'm not sure if this is the same with yours) is that I don't really WANT to see other people, and that I'm willing to wait for him.
Again, you may feel differently. This is just my perspective. =/
You two are in different life stages..you'll meet SO many new people in college--be open to opportunities and feel free to date around--he doesn't sound like he's reserving himself for you in the future, so you shouldn't for him or risk getting hurt later on.
You seem to be asking at the end if waiting is something people use to avoid dating..out of fear perhaps? Something to think about for yourself personally, too. If it were me, I'd be open to other guys and even try dating them if you feel they have potential, and later down the road if this older guy comes to, you'll be pleasantly "surprised" in a sense..but don't put your life on hold for someone so iffy. Guys are constantly telling me that if a guy is really interested in you, he will pursue you actively and make it work somehow, despite any difficulties that may exist..so enjoy your new college life and see where it takes you..or to whom.
You should talk things over with this guy. Is he really ready to commit to you? If he really wanted to be with you, he'd want to be "officially" with you already. Something must be holding him back. It's not fair to you if he wants to wait things out. Since you guys aren't really dating yet, if I were you, I'd feel free to do what I please.
It's a touchy subject. There are plenty of areas where something can be said. It's best to break 'em down. The answer to the most obvious question is; wait. I say that because you never know if the stars will align and that perfect moment will arise. Now that can be applied to what people have been saying here, don't let some guy pass you by. I also say don't do that either. But, because you mentioned you'd feel bad being interested in someone else, (or someone taking interest in you) I believe that you truly are committed to this guy. You have your reasons why, but what I can say is if something does end up bad, you have no room to complain. You committed to him, you understand the risks; there will be consequences (good or bad).
Personally, I've been this situation twice, one bad, one good. I waited thinking there was a possibility of an "us" coming out of it. I was naive and ignored the signs. But I just wanted to believe. I didn't anymore. If there wasn't a definite date or some mutual agreement, I wasn't waiting for anyone. Fast forward two years, and now I'm waiting because we both agreed that we can't be officially a couple until we meet. He lives 20 mins from my college (I'm in my second year) and we'll meet for the first time in a week!!!
So yea, waiting has it's ups and downs, but if you're not trying to date anyone else, and this is what you really want, you really aren't missing out on anything. You can't say you've wasted time either because you enjoyed talking to him right? Ok then. That's my sensible response.
As a Christian who walks with God daily (not just on Sundays), I believe waiting entails trusting God enough for HIM to choose your mate, & not running after someone yourself. This means...you can be friends with people, but you don't consider dating them until you are absolutely sure that is the person for you! (this is my case right now & hopefully until I am married!)...It's actually "courting" vs. "Dating." Courting is dating with the purpose of marriage (usually/should be one man & one woman, not multiple partners).
I have heard this before and honestly he is NOT INTERESTED and you should move on. He is being as nice as possible because if he WERE interested he would MAKE TIME for you and would move heaven and earth to be with you. move on he is not worth it and is making up lame excuses because he doesn't have the balls to tell you the truth.