Wednesday, 12 August 2009
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A Fear of Letting Someone Like Me
Today I realized I think I have a problem. I had a "boyfriend" when I was in 6th grade. Since then, I have yet to have a relationship. I always thought I wasn't pretty enough or smart enough or cool enough or whatever, but now I think that I have been sabotaging my love life subconsciously.
I usually fall for guys that turn out to be real jerks, or are unavailable for whatever reason (long distance or girlfriend for example), and then get very sad when things don't work out. Even worse, I hang on to these guys for far too long in hopes that something will change when I know that it most likely won't. Then, when a nice guy actually comes along and starts showing that he has feelings for me, I get freaked out and run away.
It's like I come up with excuses for the jerks for why they're being jerks, and I come up with excuses why I can't be with the guys that are good for me. I feel like it's something along the lines of a fear of letting someone have feelings for me. Does anyone else ever feel this way?
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- From: wtf_idk_quotes@xanga
- Name: wtf_idk_quotes
- About Me: I'm Katie and i'm 18. I like to write quotes when I have the inspiration. Take what you want, no credit necessary. Comments are awesome! I'm not here to make friends, but i'll be your friend if you want. I guess that's about all. Have a nice day. :)
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Comments (40)
It sounds to me like you have a self-confidence or fear of abandonment issue. -shrug-
I think I live this way. Sad to say. But I'm getting over it. I don't take things at face value anymore and I always question my feelings/thoughts a lot. I don't know. I tend to over analyze things.
i see in your About Me that you're 17. don't stress about it yet. you're probably not emotionally ready for an actual relationship, which is totally fine. you don't have to be a freak not to be ready.
it's too early to tell if you have serious issues (unless there's something about your past that would indicate why you do what you do) but usually if it's a self-confidence issue, and it sounds like it is, it's likely to resolve itself as you mature. if you don't think that's going to happen, talk to someone not on the internet :)
I think you should try to figure out what is/are the causes that causes you to go for emotionally unavailable men. were you abused as a child? absent father figure? are your parents divorced? etc. perhaps you should watch tough love, or read why men love bitches and hes just not that into you.
do you know what you actually want out of a guy? at 17, I didn't really know. maybe you should just have male friends for a while, like 6 months, and then date again.
I'm 19 and I do the same thing. I purposefully push guys away, because I don't want them to get too close to me and because I enjoy the chase.
The right person will come along, dont you worry.
I was like this too, but not exactly the same with the jerks/nice guy complex. I flirted, but when they started confessing feelings for me, I hightailed it the other way. Then I decided I didn't want to fight love anymore and sort of got into a relationship. It didn't work out but I don't regret the experience.
I've been in your position before and it's the worst kind of feeling. That's for sure. :\
From what I've read, it sounds like you may have a self-confidence issue. That usually goes away with time or once you meet the right individual. Or maybe you're just not ready for a relationship.
Don't worry too much about it, though. The right person will come along for you. :)
Maybe you actually have a fear of commitment? :D
I understand, though. Perhaps you will come to outgrow that unease eventually, when you meet the right one. :)
we're on the same boat....
You're afraid. Simple as that. Age doesn't matter. You're obviously afraid. You are down on yourself. So you surround yourself with people you know that will hurt you. When they treat you like shit, it hurts. But a part of you enjoys it. You can't quite explain it, but you believe you deserve it. And you run from the nice guys, simply because you don't want that. You set yourself up for pain, place yourself in that situation first, so it won't happen later.Â
I think I have the same problem. I'm afraid to get into a relationship that might ultimately leave me heartbroken. I have trust issues, blahblah. Hey, you'll never know unless you try, right? I guess I need to learn how to get into relationship not expecting them to last, but be grateful for the good experience (if there was one).
i appear to be attracted to assholes too. i'm seventeen and i've only had one serious relationship with alot of little meaningless things. i agree, i guess. i don't really like when guys like me because i don't like getting my hopes up..everyone seems to leave. but honestly, sometimes you just gotta trust yourself and what you want and need. you'll find someone, and if you just have to try to push the fear aside. and don't worry! we're still young. we'll go through alot of guys before we find the one. just let things flow.
Self confidence issues, I think. Ever hear that you have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can love you? Well, it's true. I'm working on that now...
I am the same way, I think the first step is to acknowledge it at least you can see the pattern...now do things to build up yoru esteem start your day/end your day looking in the mirror saying 5 things you like about yourself. Do the things you are best at, fix yourself up the best you can to highlight yoru attributes.
As for the relationships, that's hard....what you need to do is break a pattern..I once heard some psych. saying if you have a particular type the next time you go out and meet a guy and find yourself really attracted to that person run...haha try dating someone really diff fr ur "type" or trying meeting a guy somewhere else...or befriending a guy first then dating..
i sort of do the same thing. seventeen right now too. never had a boyfriend =P i always become good friends with a guy, and when they start to be more interested, i sort of freak out and ditch the whole friendship. then they get hurt and i lose a good friend. bad, and sad. i'm hoping university next year might loosen me up. i wish the same for you!
i'm sort of similar ... i don't really fall for jerks or unavailable guys, i just rarely ever fall for anyone in the first place. i've only had one "boyfriend," and realized right away that i'm not sure if i like myself enough to be entirely comfortable with the idea of someone else liking me enough to ask me out. so i'm working on it, and it seems to be getting better. my advice would be to concentrate on yourself for a little while. hopefully, when a good guy comes along, we'll both know it. ;]
Never had a boyfriend, but I mainly gain information through the see, and evaluate reponses. I watch what other people are going through at the moment. Plus dating for me right now is completely on the back burner, after watching of all things Rurouni Kenshin, my standards for men were significantly raised. Before that my standards were for mean jerks. I mean why not have a guy who totally will not be a jerk to you.
Yes. Most definitely, yes.
Yeah, I have a simular problem.....but the guys never go after me in the first place =\
<3
Hmm...well my issue is a little bit different...I've gotten tired maybe of dealing with failed relationships. You are probably sabotaging yourself a bit. but I read in someone else's comments that you're 17...so you got time to find the right guy. for me i'm scared of commitment and just getting hurt because of what had seemed to be an ongoing bad experience. When there's a good genuine guy...i warn him and tell him i'll just hurt him...which sadly is mostly true because i get scared and end it. But you just need to talk to yourself sort of speak and boost your confidence. Honestly confidence...or at least acting confident is a big key.
I feel the EXACT same way 100% and it blows D:
@KaeishaVixen@xanga - ahaha! kenshin ftw. :D
I feel as though I wrote this. :)
it's okay. i feel like that too sometimes. I fall for the wrong guys. and when i do go with the right guys, i hold my feelings back
there's nothing wrong with protecting yourself, and guys can really be so evil sometimes
just take it easy and listen to what your heart's speaking