A few days ago, I submitted a
post to Datingish about what I'd expect in a man. In other words, the bare minimum standards. I was a tad disappointed to see that many women find that I was expecting too much. I don't think I was expecting much. Many of the things I listed are immediate things us women look for in a man to begin with.
Anyway, as I was reading through the comments, I noticed that some people also suggested that, instead of writing a laundry list of what I want in men, that I write out what I can personally bring to the table. My expectations and standards in a man are what I expect of myself. I won't ask for anything I cannot give back in return.
Now, please read carefully. The following is what I bring to the table in a relationship. Of course there's room for improvement, but what I bring, is what I expect in return.
1. I wanted a man who can make me laugh.
- I'm a big dork in person. I've never had any of my friends "get bored" of me. I like to keep things interesting!
2. I wanted a man who is presentable.
- I don't mean to sound full of myself, but I think I'm pretty decent looking, cute even.... I have never gotten complaints about looking trashy or unpresentable.
3. I wanted a man who wouldn't mind going to random places with me.
- I don't mind taking adventures. I don't mind sitting at home and doing absolutely nothing. I enjoy the time spent together. That's what's important. If my man wants to stay home and watch some sports, so be it. If he wants to drag me to a strip club, go for it! I'm open to new ideas.
4. I wanted a man who can physically please me.
- I'm sure I can do the same back. No doubt about it. On top of that, I enjoy giving people massages...in all sorts of ways! *wink*
5. I wanted a man that is/will be successful and can cater to my VERY LITTLE NEEDS.
- I'm a determined person to make myself succeed and prosper in life. I cater to my own needs and ask for very little, if anything at all. I'm currently working 3 jobs and about to start school full time in the Fall. I will be successful.
6. I wanted a man who can take care of himself.
- I've grown up independent. I was raised to think for myself and take care of myself. I fight my own battles and win all the wars. Ok, so not always all the wars, but no one I've ever dated had to stand up for me in anything. I can do things myself.
7. I wanted a man who can have fun.
- I love adventures. I love doing silly things when appropriate. I love having fun and just laughing the day away. I believe that life is too short to not have fun. I make things enjoyable for people.
8. I want a man who is financially independent of his parents.
- With the exception of still living with my parents, hey...I'm only 18. I do not depend on my parents for much. I chip in with bills including water, electricity, internet, insurance, etc. I pay for my own stuff and won't ever ask my man to buy me stuff. It's important that I know the one I'm dating, is not using his parents money to take me out when he wants.
9. I wanted a man who is independent.
- This philosophy came to me a few years ago, when an ex and I got very attached to one another. It became ridiculous to the point where "we couldn't live without each other." All that mumbo jumbo. I am my own person. I can take care of myself. I expect the man to be the same way. When dating, or even getting into marriage, we are two whole individuals that complement each other, not supplement each other)
10. I wanted a gentleman.
- I don't treat people like trash, I don't act inappropriately in public. Be reasonably tame and I'll do the same!
11. I wanted a man who is a man and not a boy.
- I try my hardest to act my age. To many people, that may not seem like much now, but I can tell you that I'm not your typical girl. I believe I'm way too driven to be successful to waste my time just wallowing around and doing nothing. I'm not a little girl who's going to cry over every little thing either.
12. I wanted a man who can handle me.
- Compliment my personality. Don't add to it. I'm a flexible person who gets along with many people. For a certain special few, I even click with them better! I've dated people with temper problems before and I was able to calm them. I've dated psycho people (literally), and was able to handle them as well. I'm up for any challenge. BRING IT ON!
13. I wanted a man who would show me the world and what I'm oblivious to.
- In return, when I find something wonderful and amazing, of course I'm going to share it. If I have a new experience I'll share it. Open a world to me and I'll open another one to you. Who knows...once you get to know me well enough, that new world is filled with...good stuff ;)
14. I wanted a man who trusts me.
- I believe trust is earned and not given. I'm a trustworthy being because I've been so hurt in the past before. I hate hurting people that I care for... I am a secret keeper. I am loyal. I am faithful. Believe it.
15. I want a man I can trust
16. I wanted a man who will keep me focused on what's important.
- If I believe that I'm dragging a man down, it's time to let go. Goals are important to me and I like to see that they get met. I'll keep one focused on what they need accomplished to help better their own life.
17. I want a man who is a kid at heart.
- Although I asked for a man and not a boy, small specks of childhood are always okay with me. I have times where I love to have fun and just do things I might've done as a young kid. However, there is an appropriate time and place for everything.
18. I wanted a man who would get along with my parents.
- I've never had an issue getting along with parents. I've gotten along with all my friends' parents, and all my ex's parents. I believe that having a good family relationship is important.
19. I wanted a man who has good principles and morals.
- When presented with a situation, I'll always try and use my best judgment. I'll do right over wrong. I'll choose right over easy. Tough decisions are always hard to make...but I'll always choose the better over the worst. I'll have my lover benefit over me any day. I'm not selfish.
20. I wanted a man who would see me for me and still love me through my flaws.
- Flaws is what makes one perfect. Without flaws, a being would be imperfect. This is what I believe. I'll love you for your random quirks and wackiness.
21. I can cook a few things wonderfully. :) You won't go hungry if you're with me.
22. I don't nag. I'll remind a man about things once. MAYBE twice. After that, they're on their own.
23. I won't ask you to go out and buy me tampons. I know how some people are touchy with that topic.
24. I'll respect that you want to hang out with your friends, instead of me. Go ahead! Have fun! Who am I to stop you? I have my own life too...I won't smother you.
25. I won't put you down. Unless you really ask for the blunt and honest truth, I won't try and hurt your feelings if your jokes aren't funny, or your face is funny... :p
26. I won't pressure you into marriage. However, I prefer long-term committed relationships
27. I won't take anyone's crap.
28. I won't ask the dreaded question "does this make me look fat?"
29. Ask me a serious personal question and I'll do the best to my ability to answer. I have nothing to hide. NOTHING.
30. I'm not a hopeless romantic who wants Edward (from Twilight) to be my man. I'm a nurturing caring person by default. I'll cater to your needs if you will to me.
Am I missing anything?? Do I seem like the perfect person? I can tell you right away that I'm not. I have my own flaws, but I always give 200% in something I care about. Of course there's always more to me. This list seems to be missing a lot...but it's a general idea of what I have to offer. I love being myself. I won't act accordingly to this list just so it seems that I fit it. This list...is just who I am!
True
Comments (32)
well, to be honest i think a perfect man in a relationship would get boring and predictable eventually. :/
The "perfect" significant other is perspective and different to every person. Good luck on finding the one that fits your idea of perfect. :]
it wasn't that you have expectations that i disagreed with, it's that you went to the extreme to write a long list of those expectations without having met the person. Even though you've answered with what you'd "bring to the table", I still find the whole concept of having personal "expectational check lists" very extreme.
the other post was lame....this one is irritating. your "list" and the very notion that you actually think you bring all these things to the table is so naive....it's irritating to be frank. that list is who you are on paper......but not in the context of life. in 10 years you will look back on this crappy list and realize why no one can take this post seriously.
@silvermoon_lauwa@xanga - agree.
@silvermoon_lauwa@xanga - I agree.
I personally thought that you were being unrealistic by expecting too much in what you were looking for all of those qualities in a guy. Any guy who has all those traits is too good to be true.
although we all have expectations of what we want our special someone to be like, what if there was a person who was equally compatible but didn't necessarily fall under the way they looked, or the way you thought your significant other would act like? would they not be considered just for not being the person you imagined?
i personally just threw out all my criteria out the window. but i'm one of those types of people who gets to know someone as a friend (enough to judge whether i want to date them) before i head into the relationship.....
Holy crap I did not actually need to read a list of thirty things a girl I don't know wants in a guy and thirty things she thinks she can bring to a relationship.
Was anyone waiting with bated breath for this to come out or something?
Why are you laying yourself out here on xanga like this?
Are you hoping to find someone here on Xanga?
Otherwise, I don't think you should go back on forth like this...it doesn't increase/decrease your worth.
Damn, too long. Lol.
How about this? I need a man that will love me faithfully and will not embarrass the shit out of me.
This isn't a job where you make a resume for your significant other.
I don't have a problem with you have standards for the guy you date--everybody has standards in regards to their SO...but O_O wouldn't you be scared if you met a guy, and on your first date, he lays out a list like the one you just wrote? To me, it just sounds like you want some validation that you're good to get a guy that meets your standards o.O
I love it! I think its awesome that you've made a list and are asking what you want in life! Ask and it is simply given! How do people achieve there goals: by asking! Every single one of us does it, sometimes by not even going the distance in making a list like this but doing it another way! I have one similiar to this (except more of what I want in my guy), and I know that you'll find exactly what you want!! Im really excited for you!! With all the experiences you've previously had in your last relationships you already know exactly what you don't want and now your concentrating on what you do want making it easier for your mr. right to find you! I can't wait to read the next post you write thats about your new bf or who knows maybe your fiance!
Faith
@silverlocket_88@xanga - that's pretty much my philosophy. That SHOULD be everyone's philosophy.Â
I just want someone who love me and accept me the way I am
@SamiiSaysHaii@xanga - Yay! Eventho its not easy to find someone like that!
@InTheThin@xanga - haha... i also did not NEED to read it. in fact, after being semi-annoyed by the first list....i'm pretty angry at myself for reading the entire second list.
That's a long list, but it hardly seems like asking for too much. I actually know several guys who I think would fit that list, perhaps aside from any sexual activity (all are very devout Christians and most are virgins). Most of them are my close friends. Just keep looking and I'm sure you'll find someone, but perhaps you aren't looking in the right places?
hope u find him =) it is a list of what most girls wants, however i think as long as both can accept each others flaws than everything would be great.
keep it up, ignore what others has criticized, its a healthy post, cos ur thinking positive ;)
Once you mentioned Twilight you just became an idiot.
I actually think you are being semi-reasonable. I personally don't think your standards are that high. IDK maybe I'm just crazy and have similar standards myself. The only thing I didn't care for was the twilight thing.
that is kind of ridiculous...and the list is kind of long. sure we want a SO to have certain traits, probably a lot of the ones you listed. But those traits are never a deal breaker...its hard to quantify it like that..and you really shouldn't or you're in for some major disappointment....what we want in a relationship is not what we get. however, what we do get in a relationship, is usually what we need.
I agree with someone from above who said what if the guy she dated brought a list himself to show her. That'd be quite interesting.
"Ok, your resume pans out, here's my heart. You start Monday and the job duration is the rest of your life and mine. Welcome aboard"
No clue what you're looking for but you're clearly NOT looking for love. And you'll NEVER find any man, let alone another human being, that possess all of these traits that you'll also be attracted to who'll be attracted to you... shit YOU don't even posses these traits if you're squawking on about it(TWICE) on an obscure corner of the web versus going out and looking for it... which you'll never find in the first place. There are way too many variables, lies and people on the planet to think otherwise.
I mean, if you don't WANT kids and you just want a tailor made perfect man... that you may not find until your mid 50s, then I say go for it. Just don't hold your breath.
That was really really mean of me to say and I'm sorry if I offended... but if you have to make a list of all the things you bring to the table you're SCREAMING desperation and will probably end up settling for A LOT less and compromise with what you THINK you want and what you'll end up falling for. You can't calculate love. Love isnt a job interview... and if more people realized this more people would be in loving happy relationships. If a guy fits all of your criteria will you THEN cut on the love like a switch? Your list is full of things you learn about a person over a lifetime.
love is unconditional.
i once had a list like that too, full of expectations. but once you fall in love, those expectations go down the drain. You'd be more willing to sacrifice the expectations you had.
your post got to a point where you're advertising yourself as girlfriend material..
With that list, you're going to need like.. 20 guys at once to fill all that. Good luck finding your non existent man and i hope you fall in love sometime so you can throw away all those expectations.
@silverlocket_88@xanga - ahaha yeah, pretty much :P but there's always going to be someone that loves you anyway :D