Well I am doing this one sooner than expected... But I've got to throw some thoughts out there.
I have known a few people to state that they can't love. Most of these people were in relationships at the time, and the people they were with rather apparently loved them. All but one of these people I haven't been in a relationship with.
This inability to love has always confused me, mostly because it is so opposite of who I am. Does their inability stem from a past where they have been betrayed too many times? Each of them have loved in the past and then been betrayed by the one they loved.
Each of them have had parents walk out on their families, and even some of them went on to betray the families they left their first families for! Is it that love is intimately wrapped up in trust? Trust is hard to come by sometimes. Can someone go through so much that they loss the ability to trust there in aren't able to love?
Recommend
Comments (20)
I don't think that they're truly unable to love, but it is much more difficult for them. I can understand that, though, even though I have to tendency to give love rather freely
For some people it's the bitterness of their past experiences, and for some it's just something they are born with. I am the lattest.
when you have someone who was always suppose to be in your life walk out it's harder to love someone. because you believe if you love them as well they too will leave.
Depends on the person, their bitter experiences, and how they coped with their situations and adversities. Can't love if you can't trust.
There is no such thing as not being able to love. I myself am now trying to find somebody, but I have zilch in experience. Still, that's not going to stop me from giving it a shot. It all depends if a person is WILLING to let their guard down to somebody else.
Your friends too will find that they too can love. Personally speaking, a person can and will harden themselves up when they've been repeatedly betrayed because they can't find a solid ground of support for themselves. There is a difference between not being able to love and not opening up easily.
i believe love cannot exist without trust. i think that if they knew how to trust and if they could trust people,t hen they could love.
It seems like a big cop-out with one exception those who have so much baggage (detrimental experiences) and fear of past recurrences.
Humanity is all about connecting, you must have to have some desolate up-bringing to not be able to love. If animals are natural social beings, we as humans, should have an additional advantage with our vast range of communication.
Love and trust go hand in hand. One without the other simply cannot exist... or it can, but only for a little while.
Trust enables you to love openly and freely. When someone loses the ability to trust, they lose the ability to love openly and freely. It's not that they're unable to love, but they put up walls between themselves and their loved ones.
Yeah.. Its probably bcoz they can't trust anyone seeing what happened to them. And u need to trust in order to love. Like the others say, they go hand in hand. Awww hope ur friends meet the right person thatd make them so comfortable that they'd forget abt their issues.. Hmmm
@Eternal_Nocturne@xanga - @Parsimony@xanga - @rena8125@xanga - FOR THE WIN.
Yes, that's bullshit, this "I can't love anyone" nonsense. It's a copout. What it really means is something like, "I'm too beat down by life" or "I'm too betrayed to trust anyone with my emotions" or "I'm too angry at whatever to give anything to anyone." The dynamic WINDS UP saying, "I can't love you," but that's not a cause, it's an effect.
Wow, I needed this post. This is something that's been on my heart lately.
I agree with those comments that trust is important in love and if you have trust issues it can be very difficult to love. But I definitely don't think that people are incapable of love. I think people tell themselves that they are unable to love and adopt that attitude out of fear. My boyfriend is one of those people...
I love my boyfriend and I've made it a point to make sure he knows that. But he's made it a point to make sure I know that he's not sure if he loves me and if he did or one day does, it is very unlikely that I would hear him say it. This is a tough concept to handle and I'm still trying to figure out how or if I can accept it.
Honestly, I don't think he's in love with me and I'm not sure if he ever will be, because when you tell yourself that you don't think you can love, I think you end up making it true.
it's not that you can't... it's just really really hard to you know. it's like what they thought was love, actually wasn't. like i can understand what they mean, but it's just hard to explain
like many people have stated, it's more that they can't trust. without trust you can't love competely.
Yes. And it's not exactly a happy thing when everyone else is fortunate enough to have never experienced the misfortune of an unconventional (that's not exactly the right word, but work with me here...) childhood, and you're left trying to explain (ie: defend) yourself. Of course, to you it makes perfect sense but to others... not so much :( @LonerB@xanga - Yeah, but one sort of fuels the other though, right? At least, at some point that becomes true. @Parsimony@xanga - What you learn as a child stays with you for the rest of your life, for better or worse. And equally as important, what you don't learn as a child, stays with you as well. Whether or not you're aware...
yeah, i think it has a lot to do with trust. but in the right situation, i think anyone can learn to love- at least, i did.
my father walked out on our family when i was 12, and i took it hard. but a few years later i found a wonderful guy who would be my boyfriend for 4 years, and love me and accept me unconditionally, and he provided the safe environment for me to learn to love again. i think if someone accepts you and love you enough, anyone can learn to love.
considering what background information you've given about the people you know who describe themselves as unable to love, maybe the reason that they're not finding that common trust in relationships is because they don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. i've said this before, but it's hard for someone who's never had a good example of what a relationship should be. my own parents divorced when i was very little, and it's always been hard for me to open up to a relationship as a result, and even more difficult for me to want to have a substantial relationship. but i work on it, and i think the most important thing that's helped me on my way is when someone suggested that maybe my troubles are due to not knowing what a healthy relationship should be like because i'd never really seen one in real life.
@MochaSprinkle@xanga -- true that.
Yea I've had people love me, but I have never loved anyone back...who knows...I figure I just haven't met the right person.
I don't think they are completely incapable of love but for the time being, it probably just isn't something they can see themselves doing because they've been betrayed, or they actually are just focusing on other aspects of their lives. I also believe that love is different for everyone and maybe they just experience it in a different way.
Well for someone not to love, they must have been through a lot. I, myself have been through a lot and I didn't think I could ever love again. But my boyfriend I've been with for almost 2 years now has taught me to love again. All they really need is to trust the person and just have some fun..
i believe that the people can't love can't depend on anyone. They have no idea what it is like for someone to give them love & say i love you. THey have probably been put-down or let down so many times it is impossible for the scars ever to heal. Love is a choice you choose to love someone they don't choose you.