Saturday, 08 August 2009

• She Wasn't Ready to Give Him Furniture At Christmas

  We had my sister-in-law over for dinner last night, and got to talking about the Amish. Random? Hardly. For those of you who don’t know, I live in an Amish area of Ohio. Anyway, my sister-in-law (now referred to as SIL because typing out “sister-in-law” takes way too much of my valuable time, heh) mentioned how she misses working with some of the Amish girls at her last job. I was curious if these girls acted like other “Yankee” girls (anybody who isn’t Amish is a Yankee) or if they somehow acted Amish. I guess I meant "do they act like you" or "are they withdrawn and shy or self-righteous?"
  

  And I realize how ignorant that makes me sound, and how close-minded, and whatever else. But let's be real. I’m not Amish, I don’t have friends who are Amish, and I don’t have regular conversation with anyone who is Amish. It’s not that I make a point of keeping out of their way. It just happens. And because it happens, I’m at a severe disadvantage in trying to understand them. My SIL had inside information. I’m curious. So I asked the incredibly politically incorrect question - “Are the Amish girls you worked with normal?”

  

  Thankfully, my SIL knew I meant “normal” in a non-offensive way and started to tell me how great this one girl in particular was. How they would talk about the same things, how fun she was, etc. My SIL really missed this girl who had become a good friend. She said they even talked about boys - actually, she talked about her boyfriend and my SIL talked about her boy...who is not actually a boyfriend right now...but probably will be...but for now they’re just friends... you guys know the drill.

  Anyway, apparently this awesome Amish girl had recently experienced some grief because her relationship with said boy had broken off. It was sad and she was having a tough time, my SIL felt bad.

  At this point, my ridiculously nosy husband asks, “Why did they break up?”

  SIL answered, “She didn’t feel ready to give him furniture at Christmas.”
  

  …

  And at this point, I’m gawking. SIL laughs and explains. Apparently, in the Amish dating culture, it is customary for couples who are planning to get married someday to give each other furniture at Christmas. That way, when they marry, they’ve already got the essentials for setting up house. Practical, eh?

  So if Johanna and Eli are seventeen and thinking about getting married in a couple years, they would buy things like rocking chairs and knife blocks for each other? It would seem so.

  Unfortunately for my SIL’s friend, this was not to be. Her boy didn’t feel ready to buy furniture either. So they broke up. Over a mutually-apprehensive feeling about rocking chair exchanges.

  I feel bad for the girl, it always hurts to go through a break-up. I respect her feelings and I respect her way of life. I can honestly see how furniture purchases would be a big step. Sort of like engaged-to-be-engaged-to-be-married.

  It makes this Yankee girl chuckle to think of dining room sets as dealbreakers in a teenage romance, but wherever you’re from and whatever your culture sees as a sign of commitment - breakin’ up is hard to do.
  

  What are some odd dating rituals and regulations you've heard of or experienced?
  

  ~Happy-to-be-off-the-dating-scene Victoria

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