Saturday, 08 August 2009
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Dating Your Sibs' Friends - Is It Okay?
I have this theory. If you're close with your brother or sister and you have a lot in common with them it's most likely you're going to have things in common with their friends.
The older my brother and I get, the more we face a certain a problem. The problem is whether or not it's okay to date each other's friends. I have dated one of my brother's friends once. My brother wasn't friends with him at the time; we started talking because they had a falling out. My brother literally begged me not to date the guy because he knew he was a pathological liar and not good enough for me. I didn't listen and figured it all out on my own (he really was a pathological liar and not good enough to date me). While we were dating, though, my brother and his friend (they patched up their friendship for me) got along. In the end, of course, my brother pulled the "I told you so" card.I tried to see the situation from my brother's point of view. When guys sit around and talk about chicks, it can get graphic and sometimes dirty. They blab about sex and this girl or that girl. That's the thing, though. My brother doesn't want to associate me to one of his friends as just "this girl". If I'm dating one of my brothers friends, my brother and his friend can no longer talk about sex or anything personal like that. It affects their friendship in that aspect.My brother is really protective but to the point where it's ridiculous.
Recently one of his close friends came home from school and he and I were flirting a little bit. We've always flirted. I've known him a long time (the guy used to come to our family's beach house and spend weeks with us). My brother's friend asked me if I wanted to see a movie with him. It wasn't a date kind of thing, it was just that I really wanted to see the movie and he did too and we were just going to hang out.My brother flipped out. He said it was "disrespectful" to him if I made any moves on his friend and vice versa. He told me he didn't want me going to the movies with this friend.My brother also had a "talk" with his friend and pretty much told him he wasn't allowed to hang out with me unless he was there.I told my brother he was acting crazy. We may flirt but it won't go any further than that. If it did, I would tell my brother. The funny thing is, I'm older than my brother. I'm not the baby sister, I'm the older sister. I guess it doesn't matter.If my brother wanted to date one of my friends I can honestly say I wouldn't care. Mazel Tov!Do I see myself dating this friend of my brothers? Not really. Do we have fun when we hang out? Yeah. Is there anything my brother needs to know as far as his friend and I are concerned? Not at all. So I can't stand him yelling and freaking out on me. It's so silly. Supervised hanging out? REALLY? Come on.My brother and I duked it out (we needed to) and finally he agreed. If there really isn't anything going on (which there isn't) then he is okay with us hanging out. I wonder though...what if hypothetically speaking we did want to date. What then?So my question is...do you think it's okay to date your siblings' friends or for them to date yours? Would you think it would be weird?
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About the Author
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- From: ally_bay_bee@xanga
- Name: Ally
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Comments (34)
Well I've pretty much been in the same situation, except I am the baby sister. My brother was very against the idea and I guess it was understandable. Although, in the end it only lasted for a few weeks due to my own decision.
I think that whether or not it's okay depends on how your sibling feels. Boyfriends/girlfriends don't always last, but you'll always be siblings.
For me, no it wouldn't be okay. I'm 23 and my brother is 16 so his friends would be anywhere from 15 to 18...a little too young for me and my friends would definitely be a little too old for him...so luckily, we don't have that problem.
i think this is a pretty common occurence. but i don't have any siblings, so no.
No. Never okay.
I don't think I'd be comfortable with that. When you break up, it's even more awkward. I've dated someone my older sister's age and even then, it was weird because it seemed like he should've been dating my sister instead of me.
My older brother is four years older than me... and he's pretty protective of me, like many older bros are. Its kinda simple for us though cuz his friends were my friends while growing up, and I have no problem with not liking them in that way. I just like them as friends and nothing more. Some of them did show interest but I think my older bro had a few talks with them.
I don't date any of his friends and he doesn't date any of mine (he thinks it's weird dating 15/16 year olds when he's 19... and yeh, it kinda is. They're minors.)
This may change in the future though, when I'm like 22 and he's 26... gah. He'll get 10 x more protective of me.
Great post!
Had the same problem. Dated one of my brothers best friends (i'm a triplet with two brothers) and it ended badly and strained my very close relationship with them.
Not always worth it
It should be. It's your life, not their's. It's only weird if you make it weird.
It won't be weird for you, but I don't really know about your brother. He just feels a bit uncomfortable.
The most weird situation I have seen is my friend's dad is dating my friend's ex.
yea i think it's weird
Yeah I have an older brother who is 4 years older than me, and this question comes up.
Personally I've never actually been interested in his friends in that way before, and also I don't really hang out with, or even talk to, any of my brother's friends.
But we've pondered the possibility of that before, and we both agree that it is kinda weird, especially if it is a close friend. Somehow it would feel like losing both a close friend and a sister at the same time. You know how intimate people become when they become couples...
I would think whether it's okay or not would depend on the situation. My brother and I are only 2 years apart and rather close. We've never talked about it before, but I don't think he would mind too much. He's even said he doesn't have to worry about me around guys because i'm not a slut and I have no problem hitting them if need be. (:
I'd be pissed if one of my friends wanted to date one of my siblings. Mainly because I know my friends... can anyone of you honestly say you see nothing wrong with it and your friend wont get hurt OR do the hurting later on?
I know you all love your friends and your siblings, but tell the truth, one of them in that equation is an asshole when it comes to dating. Which one is it and how important are those relationships to your life?
I think it would be ok, it's your relationship and his friendship so whats wrong?
You can't exactly hide what your feeling so you might as well go with it.My brother isn't like that, we literally tell eachother everything and I know I wont go out with his mates but I doubt he would have a problem because it's nothing to do with him really.It just depends on the friend and whether they're good or notI don't mind it. My older brother and I get along well, so his friends are always my friends- it just comes hand in hand, so there really isn't a way for me to NOT date my brother's friend.... because we're all friends.
So right now, I'm dating my older brother's (one of his best) friends. My boyfriend and my brother are the same age. It doesn't make anything awkward or anything like that- and what's funny is... my brother recommended my now bf to me
If you or your siblings make it awkward- yes, it'll be awkward.... but it shouldn't be!
Well...seeing how it's illegal to date most of my brother's friends, I'd have to say no, it's not okay! Haha.
I think it's okay as long as your sibling is ok with it.
I think the question should rather be, "is dating your best friend's siblings okay?"
It's normal, but risky. I made out w my best friend's older brother and I know she knows but it's something we can't really talk about. She's had other friends of hers date him and it makes it hard for her b/c if anything bad happens she has to choose b/tw her brother or her friend. Ick.
you gotta tell the sibling first, but i dont see why not
haha well my bro is 7 years older then me so ..:p dont think a 22 year ols ull be going after 15/16 year olds .. im not worried ;)
It depends on who the friend is, how close the friend is, and the siblings opinion of that friend.
My brother dated one of my best friends, who in the end broke up with him and now hates me because I didn't want to get into their mess. That was a mistake. But I thought they were good for each other, so in that case no I wish it hadn't of happened. I dated a friend of my brother who my brother warned me against. My brother even went as far as to tell the guy "If you hurt my sister I'm nailing your balls to a wooden bench and giving you plyers to pull them out." In the end the guy was a douche (like he told me) and I went crying to my brother (who yelled at him.) My brother even went to a guy's house he didn't like with my dad, and 4 of his friends to yell at the guy and tell him never to speak to me again (major creeper, I should have listened to him but I didn't.) But then again I saw he was talking to some chick online, found out she wasn't who she said she was, cussed her out and told her never to talk to my brother again, and got her myspace deleted.
It depends on the friend :)
PEOPLE SHOULD NOT DATE THEIR SIBLING'S FRIEND!!! I don't understand why this concept is so hard for someone to understand. It doesn't matter who the friend is, no one can say any couple will stay together forever. If it is a good break-up, then okay fine whatever. What if it is a bad break-up? Anyone who is willing to put their sibling into that possible situation is, excuse my language, fucking selfish. And don't tell me it is the brother/sister's duty to tell the sibling why they shouldn't/can't date, b/c that shit doesn't work. How many people would actually listen to that?...maybe 1%, that figure is me being optimistic. I'm truly surprise on how many people actually say it is okay, how it is their lives not their sibling's, and they happen to be from the girls...hmmm...I'm willing to bet those girls also think it is okay to date their friends' ex.
@ViciousGrin63@xanga - it is only weird if you make it? Let's say you date one of your brother's friends, and he fucks you over so you guys break-up. Your brother knowing how his friend screwed you over, but still friend with him. Your telling that would not bother you at all?
I think its a bit weird..My brother is 2 years older than me, every time he goes out with his friends and he takes me as well..I'm kinda close with his friends,, and they told me "if i do something to you, your brother would kill me"..obviously, my brother does not want his friends have any moves on me..