First off, what does that phrase even mean? Well, it refers to something that has made an unwelcome appearance or has become a troublesome subject that requires attention.
I can't think of one person who is not insecure. Not even supermodels or A-list actresses. What makes a person insecure? How would I know - I don't have a Ph.D in that department but I do have a lot of friends, male and female, exhibiting that behavior. Yes, guys have insecurities too; it's just that we don't know about it or hear about as often as we do girls. Naturally, yours truly is guilty of that too, no matter what I say or how strong people think I am. And no, not body building strong because I'm pretty frail and bruise easily.
So back to the issue at hand, what causes insecurities? Some might say it's a feeling of jealousy which brings insecurity to surface like a 100-ton whale. I've seen my friend get so angry at her BF because he got drunk and went around a party snapping pictures of random girls that she spent almost an hour yelling at him and wouldn't even let him touch her when he tried to apologize and smooth things over. Granted, he was still drunk and nothing coming out of his mouth made much sense. I think that was the first time I've ever seen her act that way because they've been going out since the beginning of time and they're the disgustingly sweet couple, the "it" couple that everyone compares to and wants to be like.
It's really not something you can control either. I mean it, it creeps up on you.
For example, you can be in a happy- ass relationship and then wonder one day why all his friends are females. Would you be okay if he's going to the movies with his BFF but they didn't invite you? Would you be okay if they talk every day and meanwhile he forgets to call you back because he was tired and went to sleep instead? Sure, he tells you it's platonic and you've met them and think "okay if something was going to happen, it would have happened by now." So how long does that hold up until you start cracking and end up cyberstalking him through Facebook and MySpace for hours?
Take a deep breath and back away from the computer...
Some may argue that if he/she makes you feel that way, do you want to be with them anyway? Shouldn't you feel secure in a relationship without wondering and guessing what ifs and why not? Or is it because you love that person so much that it wipes the confident person you've spent years creating off the radar only to have that little insecure girl who's afraid of the dark or the open closet door to pop up?
Would you rather be in a comfortable and content relationship where you know he's not going anywhere? Sure, it feels like instead of a bonfire, you have a match lit but it's secure, right? Or would you rather have the relationship where it keeps you on your toes but every time you look at him, you get butterflies in your stomach, his smile makes you smile and when you talk about him you light up like the north star?
So how do you deal with insecurity when it rears its ugly head?
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Comments (24)
if i'm at home, i'll do my makeup. it always makes me feel better, like i'm suddenly a model or something (haha).
but if it happens when i'm out in public, then i try my best to disappear from view.
i thought the saying was jealousy rears its ugly head, but i guess its about the same thing, since insecurity causes jealousy.
but how i deal with insecurity is pretend that i'm not even an ounce of insecure, mask it over with a pretense of confidence.
Wow, reading this is like reading part of my life. My sometimes boyfriend (whatever he is right now who knows) has a lot of friends that are girls. And initially that made me very insecure. But over time you gradually realize, "He chose Me", not them. It takes some time getting used to the idea but I think you eventually reach a level of acceptance and there is a loss of fear in the situation. However, if they are really close friends then you'll still feel it because perhaps something could happen. But I think I need to agree with the post above me. Live life to the fullest. No use being worried about a future you can't predict anyway. So basically I think when insecurities rear their ugly heads, I mostly step back, take a breath, realize that he picked me, that I'm very amazing in my own right, and try to go on my way.
Well. I don't know. I have a tendency to be drawn to people I know I cannot have, and I am aware that I will most likely be hurt. I don't know why.
I use positive affirmations, as much as I think they are dumb to do. If you really put your thoughts into it, it works. I don't have this problem much, as the only females he really deals with are his mother, sister, boss and me; but when I do see him facebooking a female friend he knew from high school or something, I just take a deep breath, step back, and remember why he chose me over them. He may not show the affection as much as I want (I want an ungodly amount btw), but those happy memories we have and times where I am confirmed that he does love me, I remember them. Then I get engrossed in a non-jealousy activity and move on. It is extremely hard, but possible.
Just for the record, it's possible to have the bonfire/butterflies and the safety without the insecurities. And somehow I found the one person that could give me butterflies and make me feel secure, beautiful, and loved...without my worrying whether he'd be off with someone else. and yes, for the record, he has a lot of female friends, one of whom had a massive crush on him at one point. And some of them have flirted with him, but I try not to let it get to me. I trust him implicitly. We've been together for four years, lived together for three of those, been married for 2 months, and while we have other problems (because what relationship doesn't hit minor bumps every now and then?) I've never doubted his love or his faithfulness. And yes, even after being together this long, I still get butterflies when I look at him. I guess my point is that you don't have to choose. You really can have it all. So my answer to your question would be, I'll have both, plzkthx.
-Katie
Unfortunately, in the past I've dealt with my insecurities in some pretty unhealthy ways. But I'm slowly changing my ways. Now I just try and remind myself of my own good qualities. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. And when it doesn't, I don't know what to do. I just keep it inside, I guess.
All I can say in this post is girls can be super annoying (and I'm a girl myself, mind). Especially when they like your boyfriend. GAH.
I get over mine pretty quickly so the problem never elevates. And if something does bug me, I tell him. I don't get jealous though. I hardly do, to be honest. I'm more possessive of my friends than my boyfriends. Weird. XD It's so rare and when I feel it, I do my best to deal with it. I don't let it get the best of me or my relationships with anybody.
i get insecure when i know i'm not better than anymore. more like comparing and getting jealous
Yeah were all bound to get jealous once, in a while. Plus Swathatley is right the chances are that future mate chose you and not anyone of their friends to go out with Guy or girl. If a person is having those issues to the absolute exteme its time to let go, because obviously they are not ready to cope, right now I have friend who has an girlfriend that calls him 12 times a day just to know where he is and what hes doing. They just started going 3weeks ago.
i'd want the bonfire. and when i have insecurities in a relationship, i try to talk them out with the other person. more often than not, it's worth exposing those little emotional bruises to then be comforted by a person you love, and who loves you too.
i think i would question a relationship if i didn't wonder about other girls. i mean, when you worry about other girls it shows that you are worried about losing him and that you think he's pretty-damn-alright enough for him to attract other chicks. both are things that confirm the relationship. that being said, he shouldn't be giving you solid cause to be concerned. it should be and insecurity, something thats in your mind, and in your mind only.
"Or is it because you love that person so much that it wipes the
confident person you've spent years creating off the radar only to have
that little insecure girl who's afraid of the dark or the open closet
door to pop up?"
call me bad at english but i don't get this part.
you = the insecure person right?
"it wipes the
confident person you've spent years creating off the radar" is the insecure peson confident or the SO? and how come it's off the radar?
lol...
@Sadistic_Empathy@xanga - holy shit me 2. and in the end i just convince myself not to go for the person cuz i think she's too good for me
one word. trust.
i'd say, stop overthinking. if something did happen, id like to think it would be pretty obvious. dont let your let your guard down, but dont over analyze to the point where it ruins the relationship.
i just tell myself i'm being paranoid. i'd step back and rationlize the actions that are harmless and ask him about the ones that are potential warning signs.
and for the record, i prefer the butterflies at the moment. i'm at an age where i can't even imagine trying to stay with someone forever. it might change when i get older but right now...eh :P
@e4st0n_5ynth3sis@xanga - I do mine for other reasons. I think I just may be a glutton for punishment.
I write SERIES of xanga entries, analyzing every thing that's going on in my head and talk to my voices of reason (best friends all around) so they can assure me or at least bombard me with rationality in order to bring me down to the real world where people aren't layered with gazillion different emotions like I am.
but ultimately, I view the relationship at hand from the start to that point and if my list of pros and cons happen to be heavier on the cons due to emotional stress then I try to make a logical decision after careful deliberations.
It's funny. It happened to me just two days ago (the insecurity part) and I don't know where it came from. I'm still tryina figure out what to do but unfortunately I might have bigger problems than that </3 :(
My insecurities definitely rears it's ugly head when my calls goes to voicemail and I know he's there. Then it makes me wonder who is he with or what is he doing that he screened my call? I wish I knew how to handle it because it drives me insane!!!
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