Miss GiraffeI'm about to drop the f-bomb: feminism. I do consider myself a feminist. I do believe in equal rights and representation. Women's and men's roles in society fascinate me -- although they're more likely to enrage me. I enjoy reading about feminism and partaking in discussions about it. There is a slight catch, though.
My boyfriend is not a feminist. We have entirely different views. Granted, it might come from the culture he was raised in, or maybe it's because he's a man and "knows how guys think" (Which, I guess not so surprisingly, the way he says it, the only things guys think about is: girls and sex.) He's not a chauvinist pig, but he is more aware of the social implications of what a man does compared to what a woman does. He will never consider himself a feminist. He supports me in my decisions, but he would never be involved in it. And frankly, that's okay for now. He respects me and my views, and if he can't embrace feminism as I have it, then I'm fine with what I have now then.
What do you think? Could you date someone who isn't feminist? And guys, I'd love to hear your opinion about this.
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Comments (102)
I generally don't like feminists. -shrug- I don't like full on traditional sexism either; extremes aren't really my thing.
I prefer that my friends or boyfriends hover somewhere in the middle, not getting worked up over gender issues.
What?!
I don't think people understand what the word feminist means. A feminist just believes that men and women should be given the same opportunities. It's not a bra burning, army boot wearing nazi.
I would never date someone who wasn't a feminist mostly because I'd never be able to deal with it. Psh, especially if he expected me to stay at home and be a full time mom. What....
Hmm, what kind of "not a feminist" is she? Is she reactionary, i.e., "My place is in the home and you have to be the breadwinner"? Because that's fucking gross and I won't have ANY of that. Or is she more like, "I'm not a feminist, I don't need to burn my bra just to get a point across"? That's fine as long as she's not also reactionary.
This is hard to answer, because I identify as a feminist. I think it's BS that women earn less per hour than men do. I think it's BS that rape victims have to in some cases pay for their own exams. I think it's BS that some people don't acknowledge a woman's right to choose (there, I said it, please begin flaming me now....not).
But I'm not "militant" about that. I'm willing to have intelligent debate, but of course, I do get along better--particularly in relationships--with women who share my p.o.v.
Cheers!
i could date someone who didn't claim to be a feminist, but anyone with a "women should just be barefoot and pregnant" mindset can forget it.
Feminism is about equality. While I can understand why a man would be a bit hesitant to label himself as a "feminist", I would never date someone who didn't treat me as an equal.
Well, I believe in equal rights for everyone but that dosent mean it should be too extreme. Of course I'll cook for my husband and family, but not do everything because I'm a girl.
Well I don't know because it seems that the term feminist has changed. It has turned into the female version of Chauvinist and that is definitely not what I want.
As far as I go, Im a respectful equalist. lol. I believe in being equal while still being respectful and logical. Women: on average we are physically weaker than men so don't be offended when they offer to help you with things. And don't be offended when a man just wants to be nice and hold open the door for you.
And as a physically weaker sex I believe it isn't right for a man to ever hit a woman -first. However I feel he has every right to defend himself and fight back if it comes to it.
And to girls.. sometimes men want to feel manly. Let them do things for you and let them take care of you once in a while. A little give goes a long way.
As long as my future SO respects me and my decisions I don't see anything wrong with it.
i think labels are for the most part unnecessary.
date one, be friends with one, live with one, marry one....does not matter to me. as long as we get along. it should be mutal respect. i work in a profession that is considered more female than male, traditionally speaking. roles in the home and in the relationship etc. should not be seen as threatening if non tradtional. and could i date one that isnt? sure. would i be happy? i am not sure as i like to be considered an equal in the relationship. it may take more work on my part in a traditional role view than not.
you woman, me man and that is the way it will be. <---not my idea of fun all the time.
@xpialadocious@xanga - I concur; bra burning isn't my thing.
But being honest, I think at the least, the guy has to respect my view on it. I'm a feminist, I know, especially with my audacity to make the first move (YEAH, I said it). I'm not a raging feminist, though, just subtle here and there. And that's probably one of the qualities that show up in anyone's first impression of me. So it's a take it or leave it kind of thing on my part.
I could never date someone who is a feminist. Ew.
There are many different levels of feminism so for me it would depend on where the guy stands. If he believes in the traditional gender roles but respects that I don't want to adhere to those then that's fine with me. If this guys basically puts me down because I'm a woman and he thinks he's better than me then I'm gonna kick his ass to the curb!
I dated a guy who really upheld his Italian based views on gender and we only lasted for two months. He wanted a little house wife and someone who was there whenever he wanted something. i was 18 years old and didn't plan on settling down. This is just one big bad story but in the end I'm glad he left me (I only cried for 10 minutes lol).
No, I could never. That would be too insulting. It's jut like racism or hating gay people, makes me so angry I could spit.
I couldn't date someone who is feminist. I believe in equality, but anyone walking around with a chip on their shoulder about life isn't someone I want to be around.
I don't think I could date someone who believed that gender should affect a person's role in life. If he didn't want to call himself a feminist, fine. But if he believed that just because I am a woman, I should be a certain way and do certain things, I don't think I could deal with that.
No. He wouldnt have to label himself a feminist, but if he couldnt support the fact that women are just as capable as a man to do things, I'm not interested. Cavemen personalities arent too flattering.
I felt the real difference between my bf and my thinking process when we had a discussion about why it's okay for a guy to use fake names at clubs and pick up women he had no intention of seeing again but why it's not okay when a girl does it (me). His argument centered around the idea that "guys and girls are different" and insisted that we have different set goals. This is probably about the time I have uttered the words: "You are gender Biased!" He protested but in the end, I think I won because he couldn't argue his way out of it. His views about how a woman should be treated (professionally or within family--his future daughter is going to be stuck to a gps chip and sent to a convent til age 21 to prevent dating or unwanted pregnancies while his son would be allowed to party all day and night) is so completely different from mine. Every time I point out his male centered pov, he shouts: "you're a feminist!"
I majored in Sociology, I am not a head-on feminist but I have feministic views in certain topics and I don't know if in the long run, this is going to be a problem. But I don't think so. Not in your case either... If he supports your beliefs, values and ideas even if he doesn't care to be involved in them, I think that's enough. You don't always have to be involved in what he believes in, right?
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - you mean a man who thinks women should have equal rights and legal protection?
Eh.. maybe a half and half. I don't like the either end of the extremes. Just a bit of everything is good. Too much of one side means I will hate our conversations REAL fast.
@Theophilus166@xanga - I'm right there with ya, couldn't have put it better myself.
I'm in the same boat as you. I'm a feminist, my boyfriend isn't. We just laugh about it. :)
I wouldn't date someone who considers themself a feminist.
@Theophilus166@xanga - then you don't know what a feminist is.
@dreaminlikethis@xanga - or perhaps you don't know how feminists are perceived.
@StarlitGoo@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga -
dude. run. fast