Wednesday, 05 August 2009
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My Ex Hid His Identity...And it Gets Worse
In my last post, I left out the most important part...My ex is into BDSM. I didn't know fully when we were dating, but I've since found out that he is sincerely interested in being someone's Master. We would play around with things, and I knew that he was into it...just not that he actually wanted to live it. His wife is not into this at all and according to him, has given him permission to see his Subs. She allowed it, as long as he didn't have sex with the women. Anything leading up was allowed.Almost a year ago, I was cleaning out my bookmarks one day when I saw a screen name I didn't recognize. I Googled it and it took me to a website called Collarme.com (it's NSFW in case you couldn't tell) and to my ex's profile. He was listed as single, which I knew not to be the case. He wanted to meet people to dominate.
This profile that I saw in my footprints was one where he was going to disclose his "conquests" with his Sub. As I said before, there was only one entry, so I don't know if his Sub canceled on him, or if he just chose not to share what happened...Either way, he is seeking to be unfaithful.
There are pictures on this Xanga of women tied up in various forms of Shibari (erotic bondage - be careful if you Google that). Some are current...and some are old enough to have been while we were dating, though I can't be quite sure.
The relationship I had with my ex really got to me. I felt so used. He lied to me about why he dumped me. He lied to me about seeing anyone directly after. He lied to me about seeing her *while* we were dating. And I imagine he lied to her about contacting me while they were married, and not in the innocent Hey-How's-Life kind of way.
I have thought about contacting his wife, but I would hate to ruin their lovely facade of a life. I would hate to hurt her like I was hurt...I sort of don't feel it's my place, since I don't know her other than a name and a face.
The main thing is that I'm happy now. That's the point I must stress. Before I met my boyfriend, I may have been "susceptible" to something, but I quit having any inkling of feelings for my ex a long time ago. Yes, I was really in love with him, but after being strung around so much that changes...into hate, and anger, and then complacency. I'm beyond that and am kind of just interested to see how his life is going to pan out, because of how insane the whole thing is.
Yeah, I know, it's really crazy. So, a poll. How many of you would:
A) Ruin their lives and save the wife a lot of hurt down the line, by telling her something she possibly already knows, and hurting her a lot in the present(?)
B) Ignore, ignore, ignore.
C) Pitch the story to Lifetime.P.S. He had been visiting my Xanga from two different accounts, so I figured he was interested in what was going on with me. I'm going to ignore the message. I don't need that...especially because it's not worth it. All I wanted is to see how he was, not get involved in any twisted games because...I already have what I want!
P.P.S. For the one that said I should delete my Xanga and create another one...Heck no! I love my Xanga. I love seeing how I've grown (and sometimes regressed) and all the memories I've had. Plus, it helps me remember stuff.
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About the Author
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- From: i_r_keiko@xanga
- About Me: I'm Keiko.
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Comments (51)
That's a tough call. Maybe an anonymous letter to the wife if you don't want to get directly involved? I don't know.
Well, you know what, if you feel guilty or bad for her, then go ahead and tell. She may possibly already know and the dude is still trying to pursue. He is making it your buisness.
If you feel you dont really want to go there, then dont.
Either way you choose, pitch it to lifetime or WE. No harm in trying =P
Ignore. You are supposed to be moving on and past him. He isn't your business anymore.
Pitch it to Lifetime.
Could make some money...
A
I wouldn't consider it ruining her life b/c it seems like he's doing that all my himself.
If I were in her position, I would want to know.
@MangoWOW@xanga - I agree.
Option a. That dude has some serious problems
I don't know if I'd want to tell, but I would know that I had to. It'll hurt her more later.
woah..
C, because i wouldn't have anything to do with them though you'd want to be careful too you don't want anything bad legally to happen.
ignore, ignore, ignore
B, ignore it.
simply because, this dude seems creepy enough as it is, sneaking around on your xanga and stuff. if you tried to contact his wife, he might try to keep contacting you again. which would not be a good thing.
she needs to know.
end of story.
My ex and I had a bitter break-up, but have since had our closure and are on good terms. I found out that his current gf cheated on him several times with a guy that she hangs out with. I wanted to warn him without being stuck in the middle of their problems. So I created a fake Myspace account and sent the evidences (pictures and emails) to his cousin. She denied it and they stayed together. Months later, he admitted to me that he's miserable with her. To this day, he doesn't know it was me who sent the anonymous tip.
Even if you tell her, it doesn't guarantee that she'll leave him or that she'll believe you. You're the ex. To her, you may have ulterior or vindictive motives.
Tell her- but it doesn't mean that she'll listen to you, but hey, if you can prove to her that he's been looking for more women, (and the fact that you guys were dating at possibly the same time she was him)- I just hope she believes to because it would be horrible to not know that her husband is kind of cheating on her.
And block the guy. Just keep blocking him from getting onto your page. haha, he's kind of creepy!
ignore it. disable your online status, and enable friend's lock.
also. install a tracker from suhock.net
wow u're really caught up in this whole drama. why don't u send her an anonymous tip off, ha.
I would tell his wife..I don't wanna sound like a jerk, but the idea of someone cheating makes me so angry I start to shake. I can't stand it. His wife's going to find out at some point, and it will hurt her a lot. The longer they're together, the longer he's lying, the more it will hurt her...and you know she'll find out, it's inevitable. Besides, she may not even believe you, though I hope she does, for her sake.
b: don't get involved; look at all the problems he's already indirectly causing you! you don't want to get in that mess. it would be a nice thing to tip off his wife, but that's not something you want to be in the middle of.
Just leave it alone. It's none of your business now that you're broken up and if you're looking for revenge, the best form is not giving him the attention he's looking for.
Although it's none of your business and even if you told the wife she may not believe you. The wife may be oblivious or in denial, but if I was the wife, I'd want to know the truth, even if it hurts. I would think most women would want to know what kind of guy she's with or what type of husband she married. Of course, I can say all I want, but you have already made up your mind. I just find "his type" disturbing, especially when he is married. I can't imagine any wife would be willing to let her husband "mess around" with other females either.
If I were you I would embrace the happy life with your boyfriend that you have right now & stay away from him. He is obviously entirely too crazy to make anyone happy, but you're right, it ISN'T your place to say anything to his wife about his issues. If she is allowing him to play games with other women, she is allowing her marriage to be destroyed from the inside out, & it isn't anyone's fault but her own. Sure he is messed up & should not be attempting to contact you, but the best way to save yourself a lot of emotional hardship is to just stay away. "Ignore, ignore, ignore." & if you don't want to delete your Xanga then at least block him. There are plenty of ways to get rid of a person that you believe no longer fits in your life, & I don't think you are attempting to do so. How does your boyfriend feel about all of this? Maybe turn to him for advice? I completely believe that there are tons of other options for you other than turning to the wife. You can be happy without him in your life, without knowing how his life is going, without ruining things for him, I promise.
IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE, HE ISNT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE...FORGET ABOUT HIM. U MOVED ON AND YOUR HAPPY WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. I UNDERSTAND WHERE U ARE COMING FROM ABOUT THE DELETING YOUR ACCOUNT I WOULDNT EITHER SO STICK WITH IT AND IF HE WANTS TO KEEP READING YOUR STUFF THEN GOOD FOR HIM. SOON HE WILL HOPEFULLY MOVE ON AND STOP READING YOUR XANGA IF NOT THEN OH WELL YOU WILL JUST HAVE A NORMAL READER ON YOUR HANDS LOL