I always wondered why my man tells me to watch my back around other guys. He is constantly telling me that So-And-So is trying to touch my butt. Or my boob. Or who knows what. He makes me so nervous at the time clock at work because there are so many guys standing close behind me. He says they're trying to touch me.
This concept had never occurred to me until I met him. I never thought that the reason a guy would stand behind me is to rub himself on me or to cop a feel. I always thought it was innocent. Apparently, most of the time, it is not. They may accidentally touch you with their hand or leg or whatever...but it's not on accident. A lot of guys actually get a thrill from this. I've witnessed it through the banana appearing in their pants so discreetly.
So, now I know why he is so adamant about not spending too much time around the time clock. Tonight, at a friendly gathering, a few friends of his family started drinking. And my man started drinking... heavily. By the end of the night he was so trashed he could barely stand. When one couple was leaving everyone started to say their goodbyes. As did he.
It was then that I saw it.
He reached over one lady friend to shake her husband's hand. I thought it was odd because he never wanted to be such an amigo to this man before. He lingered just a little bit too long while shaking this guy's hand - and there it was. He brushed himself against the woman's behind! I could not believe my eyes! He actually held such a close distance that I had to say his name before he stepped back. This poor woman just thought he was drunk and it was an "accident". But it was deliberate. And now I know why he is so concerned about the issue with me.
I don't know whether or not to have a talk tomorrow or not. I may just want to block this from my memory because we have enough problems right now. The worst part is, when we were on our way home he admitted that he thought she looked good and was hot. Hot? Why did he tell me that?
We are pretty open with each other but if I ever mentioned that some guy was hot we would probably break up. I admit it I led to into it, but was that necessary? What do I do now?
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Drunkenness could be the cause, but I have often heard that alcohol merely magnifies someone's true intentions and desire. You could talk to him about it when he's coherent, but is it really so serious that you would break up?
1. Drunk people are stupid, so I wouldn't put too much stock in his actions while inebriated.
2. I think you're becoming a bit paranoid. While it is true that some guys get enjoyment from stuff like that, you shouldn't be under the impression that every time some guy's body part (crotch excluded) comes into contact with you it's part of a perverse game. Sometimes it's just an accident. Personally, I've never done or seen anyone do anything like that. I'm not saying you shouldn't be on guard, I'm just suggesting that you don't instantly judge every little accidental bump as a perverted act.
I've witnessed this behavior in middle school! We were walking into the gym when I felt someone brushing against my ass, so I moved. Then I looked down in front of me and saw the kid purposely brushing his hand against another girl's ass. I was only 11. Didn't know what to do or say, so I just blocked it out and tried to pretend that it didn't happen.
I agree with Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga in regards to the drunkeness, but he sounds like an ass who doesn't have much respect for you. If you guys are having so much issues that you can't even bring this issue up, maybe it's time for a break. I'm always one for working things out, but I would never be okay with this type of behavior.
Sounds like somebody's a hypocrite. Bring it up to him that you saw him do something that he is so adament about warning you about. If it were me, I would say something along the lines of, "Why do you have a problem with guys doing it to me, but it's okay for you to do it to other women?"
This is something that I would consider cheating, if I saw it and could tell that it was being done on purpose.
Reasons why people shouldn't get drunk, they do stupid things.
@i_r_keiko@xanga - i so agree. i dislike it when people are hypocritical esp. with someone they love. i second your suggestion.
if he does get mad about it and break up with you, don't you think that's a teensy bit of a clue that he's not a guy who respects you?
I think your boyfriend "doth protest too much".
#1 - I know what you're talking about, and yes it does happen, but not nearly as much as your boyfriend has led you to believe.
#2 - The fact that he is absolutely adamant about it happening, and happening a lot, and adamant about you taking steps to prevent it from happening shows two things - he is too jealous and possessive, and he is a bit too controlling.
#3 - The reason he's so adamant about it is because he does it. I bet you he does it when he's not drunk too, where you can't see it. Kinda like how someone who is cheating on their spouse constantly accuses their spouse of cheating, or someone who has a kleptomania problem is constantly paranoid everyone is trying to steal their things.
Be careful.
I've heard from a friend, who actually gets drunk and knows what she is doing. She tells me that drunk people knows what they're doing and alcohol is just an excuse to do those things they wouldn't have courage to do when they're sober. Anyways, I say you should talk to your bf about this incident when he's sober. How can he warn you of other guys, yet he does this to another woman, who he thinks is hot? I don't know how open your relationship is, but I suggest you talk to your bf, since you are obviously bothered by it.
Um your boyfriend is a little bit too paranoid, I think. I accidentally brush against people all of the time, but it's nothing sexual. People aren't always sexual.
Also maybe he thinks that all people are like that because he is. Sounds kinda suspicious to me.
Talk to your boyfriend about it. He's being a hypocrite... if he can do it to other women,then why would he have a problem with guys doing it to you?
If he gets mad and wants to break up with you, he's obviously not worth it. I'd dump the guy if I were you.
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - agreed.
True feelings emerge from intoxication
" he was drunk" is never a good excuse to use for anything, because when you get "drunk" you tend to do all the things you want to (but wouldn't when sober because of everyone around you). I would say talk to him about it.
As for saying she looks hot and good, don't sweat it.. I am sure that you would say (maybe not out loud) the same thing about a guy who looked hot and good (but you can tell him that you don't want to know that next time)...
this explains why i don't get on packed skytrains or buses.... ive been "accidentally" rubbed on before and it's twisted. UGH
him being drunk is a major point although he could also been trying to get a rise out of you (ie. jealousy). and he's quite (pardon me for saying but) stupid since he has always warned you about guys brushing off on victims/women and he did it right in front of you. did he think you wouldn't see the telltale sign?
if you're already having problems, maybe this should be the additional weight for you to reevaluate your relationship status.
It is very rarely if ever an accident. Guys know exactly what they're doing in these situations..but oftentimes play it off as "accidental." Being drunk is when your true feelings come out..but it's not too huge of a deal on its own. Just discuss it a little with him if it bothers you that much, to clear the air. Depending on his responses, you can go from there...hope it all works out.
ew. sounds like an ass.
I've accidently touched guys butts, and girls butts for that matter. I don't think that everytime that happens it's on purpose...
He shouldn't of let himself get that drunk, or do that. Have a discussion and see what he says about it. I don't know what else to say..
as i was reading the intro, i thought, this dude is a paranoid f*ck. sure maybe freaks like that exist, but it's 1 in a some large number.
then i kept reading. looks like your bf is one of them freaks. lucky you!
that boy is not normal. let's say he gets his jollies off like that, fine. creepy, but fine. but to constantly berate you about any man standing close to you because he assumes they are all like him... is a big problem.
Just do yourself a favor and dump his cheating ass!~ If he can't even respect you, then it's not your fault, it's his for taking you for granted... As a wise woman told me a long time ago, "it's better to be single and wish you were in a relationship, than it is to be in a relationship and wish that you weren't."
Usually paranoid guys that freak out about other guys doing things, are in fact doing these same things themselves.
@i_r_keiko@xanga - I don't know if I would say hypocrite, I think it is more knowing what he would do, so that's why all the warnings. It seems like he is one of those guys that just likes to cop a feel when given the opportunity.
It seems to be pretty clear to me that the reason he keeps warning you about guys doing this is so that you would be ok seeing him do it since "every guy does it!". I'm almost certain that he'll use that excuse if you confront him about it. Or like some of the other commenters suggest, he could just be trying to deal with his guilt for doing it by trying to convince you that it's normal.
One thing to realize about being drunk is that what's actually impaired as far as decision making goes is the part of your brain that tells you not to do things. We all have sexual thoughts that we don't act on because we know it's impolite or wouldn't be welcomed but you throw in some alcohol and suddenly the downsides to the action aren't there anymore.
I think he's a little too paranoid about this...I hang out with guys all the time and I know that doesn't happen as much as he has led you to believe. And I'm with everyone else on the drunkenness. Being drunk doesn't make you a different person, it just magnifies your true personality.
This sounds like my father. Get rid of him before you become like my mother. I don't want to go into detail. Just get rid of him. He's not worth it and if he makes you think he is, you're an idiot.