Tuesday, 04 August 2009
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My Ex Needed to Hide His Identity to Talk to Me
When I was in high school I dated a man for over a year. I was 16 and he was 22 when we started dating. Our relationship was very secretive because he was a teacher and I was a student. He didn't teach at my school, or even in the same county, but we knew that no one could know that we were dating. We saw each other once a week for the majority of our relationship. In March of 2007, over the course of a weekend, he had broken up with me and told me that he still loved me, but his parents would never accept me because of my age.For the next couple of months we talked a few times, but our correspondences generally consisted of me sending him an email, him ignoring it, me saying "Fine, I'm deleting you," then him begging for me to talk to him. An endless cycle. I couldn't tell then that he was just trying to pull me around. We met at a mall once and walked around together like old times. The whole time we were together that day he seemed on the verge of tears and was obviously hiding something from me. In August I happened to search for him on MySpace. He would always go through phases where he would have a profile then delete it, et cetera, so I wasn't really expecting to find anything. When the page loaded he was there, standing next to his lovely bride. They had gotten married three months after he broke up with me. It wasn't a small wedding, either, from what I saw in the pictures. It was something that would require planning...a lot more than three months' worth.
He actually contacted me because I made an angry Xanga post about it, so he realized he was found out. I asked him how much of what we had was a lie, and to this day I don't even know. After talking a couple more times I gave up. I did still have feelings for him, but I realized that it was definitely a lost cause.
I met my lovely boyfriend and in some kind of cosmically correct way, he asked me to be his girlfriend on the exact day, one year later, that my ex broke up with me. I'm not superstitious or anything, but for some reason it feels really good that things worked out that way. I'm very happy with my boyfriend and I love him a lot differently than I loved my ex.
It took a long time to get over my ex. Now I just have a general curiosity about what's going on with him. He was a big part of my life and sometimes I do wonder where he is, and how things are. This brings me to today, and my current issue. In my footprints a couple of days ago there was a screen name that looked oddly like one of my ex's. I looked and the person had joined that day...so he created a Xanga to look at mine. I ignored it. If he wanted to talk to me, I supposed he would. Then, two days ago I see another footprint from another screen name that was similar to one of his old ones. I check it out, and it is him, sure enough. His profile information was complete with his name, education information, occupation, et cetera. This profile, however, was created in November of the year he broke up with me and had one entry.
I decided to send him a message to see how he is, since he's obviously been checking on me. He responded within an hour in a veiled sort of way, and he asked me what my occupation was. My ex knows my occupation, so this struck me as odd. Disturbed, I checked the profile again. He has changed his name, the signature in his only entry, deleted some education and work info, and edited others. He changed his name! Why would he do that? He still responded to the message...but I really don't want to play any games with him. I just wanted to see how he was doing, not get tied up in some kind of crazy game.
I'm feeling like it's not even worth it to try to talk to him if he's just going to do some crazy stuff like pretend to be someone else. Should I reply to this message and ask what the heck he is doing or should I just ignore it all together?
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- From: anonymish
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Comments (49)
He obviously just play you like a fool. Don't bother him and save your times. Hes not WORTH it at all. Think of how he hurts you at the first place and be glad that he's out of your life. YES. BE GLAD!!! Do you think a person like him will treasure his wife?? The answer is NO.
Now that you both have your own lives, there's no need to "pretend to be someone else" just to talk. That is if he really is your ex. There's nothing to hide and you're only greeting each other on friendly terms. If you feel that he might still have feelings for you or he's pulling your leg, then forget about him. It's the best for both b/c you have a bf and he's married. If you've never told your bf about this ex of yours and he finds out you chatting w/ a guy online and finds out the whole deal later, it might hurt your current relationship. I would suggest you think of all the possible consequences before deciding to continue talking to your ex.
From my point of view, your ex did hide a lot of things from you and your secretive relationship makes me question his sincerity. However, it's your choice.
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or message his wife, if you're bored enough and up for it
I tend to be a forgiving person and if that happened to me and he contacted me later I would probably at the very least give a polite response but I would not have contacted him first. People who screw me over and walk out of my life always have a place in my heart and prayers and I am polite to them if they call and sometimes I will even help them out if they are in a bind but I don't go looking for them or invite them back into my inner circle. I think that going looking for an X is sort of like fishing for sharks while standing in the water it seldom ends well.....
what a creeper.
You need to ignore, block, do whatever you can to get him out of checking up on you. As much as you loved him, he's married. He needs to move on, and let you to continue to move on.
I'd say create a new account, let all your friends know, and allow both of you to move on.
If I were you, I would just ignore it all together. Nothing is worth mind games, thats obviously what hes trying to do.
wow... wat kind of guy is that? but u can just ignore him, its not worth ur time.
You need to get over this guy, the good times you've had, and just not care of what he's up to in his current life. Even if you're just curious and not intending to reminiscence in the past, he will still have some type of hold on you, and is obviously playing you.
I don't understand women who actually want/do talk to guys who've wronged them after it's all said and done, solved, supposedly, and over. I see it with girls here all the time.
hes being an immature retard, no need to do anything back to him. he'll get what's coming to him soon enough if he continues to live like this.
but ur situation is quite unique, i have to admit
what everyone else said. ignore and block. from what u write, it seems like he's a creeper to me. iunno, but if he went through all that trouble to find you and then change his info, then he's a creeper or a stalker. i know it is tempting when u see that ur ex goes on ur xanga. heck, my ex goes on mine too now that i've restarted my blog. but i'm over him already and because of that, it doesn't bother me anymore when i see his footprints on my blog.
what a creepy guy... the quicker he's out of your life, the better. Some people are just a lost cause.
Ignore him or else tell all this to his wife
if he tries to contact you by all means, dun respondJust stop talking to him. He sounds like a creep to me.
If you still want to be friends with him, just ask him what's going on. Andd... if you don't really want to stay friends with him, ignore.
He does kind of sound weird, though... trying to talk to you as though he doesn't know you.
Ignore, he's clearly not worth your time.
IGNORE.
Ignore. Your ex sounds psycho.
Forget him
Hahah. Everyone says ignore. But I'd play along. Just to see what he'd do.
he's curious. you're already ignoring him; he's online 'stalking' you but hasn't really made a huge impact in your day except to stir up some curiosity on your part and to inspire this entry to be written.
you can't blame him for being curiuos.
actually, one of my exes that i haven't talked to in almost 2 yrs, just suddenly decided to write an email. i wrote one back without much hesitation (he was the LAST person on this planet that i'd expect to write me) and i doubt he'd write anything further... but he's curious about me and he doesn't know why. everyone gets curious from time to time... until he does anything STUPID (try contacting you so he can meet you, just like "old time sake"), that's when you should bLOCK him.
OMG that sounds like something similar to my situation!
He's just a creeper. IGNORE!!! There's no need to be involved in any way with a guy like that.
You will feel much better if you just IGNORE. Besides you have someone new. Focus on him.
What an incredible story! Thanks for sharing.