I think whatever the guy said is true to some degree but I can't really explain why or how. 

I think I agree with you that being crazy about someone is the first step in falling in love

I think that if two people connect remarkably out of nowhere then yes, the chance for a disappointment later can be high, especially if that connection is mostly sexual.  I just think it is the more normal result of two people connecting randomly instead of intentionally building a connection.  I knew my fiance for nearly 2 years before I started to let him into my life on a deeper level.  I already knew he was a quality person and that we had a ton in common.  Then he said something that sparked a slight interest and then I acted on it by talking to him more.  The more we talked, the more I saw, "Wow, this is a QUALITY man!!!!  Not just a good guy, but a guy with some amazing abilities in friendship and connection like I have never seen before in my life."  I knew that he was the type of man that knew how to nurture a woman and to meet her needs aka the type of man who can make a woman happy over a lifetime.  My interest was still on the milder side, but I decided that it would be really smart of me to be with someone awesome and so I didn't let the chance in front of me pass by.  And within a month, I was extremely passionate about him and deeply attracted.  At first as we were getting used to each other there would be times the feeling of connection would grow dim.  Instead of freaking out or faking it, we talked about it and would take initiative to connect more.  We figured out how to break through to feeling connected again.  Now we are so good at it we rarely feel disconnected and are crazy about each other.  BUT our relationship is not based on a brief moment of extreme intimacy that we are trying to recreate but somehow can't.  I would liken that to a flame.  Rather we looked at what it takes to make and keep that flame going and spent our time investing in having those elements in our life.  Some people chase fire, but the happy ones learn how to build lighters.  I know that if the romance in our life dies, we know how to fix that quickly, and we both are devoted to our relationship to the point that we immediately take care of stuff as soon as it comes up or shortly after.  

Loving yourself

This is something I think about as well.

I really don't want the honeymoon phase to ever fade;

Love is definitely a paradox, to create a sense of 'perpetual, institutionalized' infatuation is to learn to love and yet, not give in right away to the gratification of love so that sense of 'honeymoon craze' would stay.

Love is also about passion- meaning learning to suffer.
ha, kind of irritating to think about
But overall, Love is definitely an art

@linnelleum@xanga - "Some people chase fire, but the happy ones learn how to build lighters."

nice line.

i think the writer meant something different. not that love dies after this "honeymoon phase" but that it morphs into something else. that it becomes more personal and more true. and that this first phase is often less to do with the other person and more to do with your own veiw on the world. but once you outlive it, you become more entwined in the other person, so their veiws on the world start to affect yours.

idk...

I admire Erich Fromm so much, and this excerpt only solidifes my love(haha) for him.

I think Fromm  was just being as honest as possible when he wrote that. It might not exactly what we want to believe, but his insight is very accurate.  It's how we end up falling for someone that we're incompatible with. We're drawn in by the exhilirating closeness, but it will eventually subside if the other extra components of love aren't present.

You are right in saying that it is the first step to love but at the same time he is right for saying after that point, a new type of real love develops. The whole part about being crazy about someone means you crave not to be alone is crap. Some people are perfectly fine being alone but can meet someone and fall in love just as easily as anyone else. If we can love our family members for the rest of our lives I don't understand why people think that we are incapable of loving someone else just as long. 

I've read that book some years ago.  There was a time I was truly fascinated by Erich Fromm's books including The Art of Love. 

I think love is multifaceted. It endures many things.  It doesn't have to exclude excitement later on down the road.  It just has to get creative.  If two people are willing to allow their love to continually grow, develop and evolve with time, then it'll hit many mountains as well as many valleys but it'll always stay true and "exciting" in the end simply because there are no limitations to love, at least the real kind.

I think love starts for different people in different ways- maybe not too many different ways, but probably more then one. Some relationships may start with that bang, that infatuation with the sudden realization, while others may have a hard time pointing out where friendship ended and love began.

I mean, friendship very often starts the very way this author says that love starts- with opening up and realizing you aren't the only one, having a connection, some kind of intimacy. Every time you connect with someone like that isn't romantic love. You can have a very close bond with a person of the gender you aren't attracted to, and except for the physicality, it's pretty similar to what this guy is talking about.

If you are friends with someone for years before you fall in love, the line between the connection of friendship and the special bond of love doesn't start with that first feeling of opening up and sharing.

For example, my husband and I were friends for quite a long time and never considered each other as a romantic possibility for various reasons, perhaps mainly lack of interest. We were good friends and shared rather deeply, but for some reason weren't even attracted to each other for the majority of our friendship. So when was it love? For him, perhaps when he was first attracted to me. For me? It wasn't when he asked me on an official date- I almost turned him down because I wasn't interested! I did accept, just for fun, because I wanted to dance. Was it when we were dancing, and I saw a deep tenderness in his eyes and suddenly never wanted to let him down? Or was it later, when we were sitting in a library talking, and I finally realized my feelings for him? Or was it even later, when we had a serious discussion about our mutual feelings and what it would mean for us to date, and whether it would even work?

In this day and age, all relationships probably start with some emotion. To say that any relationship that starts with the normal "honeymoon" infatuation is destined to have all good feelings fail while annoyance and frustration sounds somewhat ignorant. Almost every relationship starts that way, and while about half of marriages end in divorce, the rest do not, and let us not forget that among those there are some seriously happy marriages. My mom and dad are still a very cute, romantic couple after many years. They act like teenagers, still in love. I asked my mom if there was ever a cold realization after getting married that this wasn't all it was cracked up to be, if it ever felt like the honeymoon phase "died." She said it certainly hadn't died. She said it gets even better. They still do romantic things for each other, work as a team, fight fair, and she says as far as the romantic and attractive spark goes, she insists that it has intensified over the years. Watching them, I could believe it. I've been married for less than a year so I don't have the same kind of credibility, but so far I can say, too, that it's still just getting better. She says it develops and gets more secure and fun. If there's ever a spot like the author says where the honeymoon phase dies so "real love" can take its place, I (and my mom) never noticed the switch; there was no disappointing gap there.

there comes a point two strangers become familiar with each others flaws and insecurities. I think what matters then is whether or not they can over come the other persons differences and accept that those flaws are irrelevant to their natural being. I think that is a huge step to knowing if it love or not.

@asininity - hmmm....interesting.

maybe i'll check out that book. i really liked "art of war" when i read it....but that was a long time ago. i guess it would behoove me to read "art of love" also. =)