To this day, I've been friends with a majority of the people I dated, with the exception of one person, call him S if you will. The story with S is fairly recent. It was
almost a mutual break-up. I suggested it, he agreed. Now call me stupid, but I thought we were just friends even though the "friendship" was more one-sided than anything since he calls on me when he's in desperate need of a companion. Other than that I don't hear from him.
A month or two passes and he finds another girlfriend (I'm calling her B, not because she's a b*tch though that works out nicely). I'm genuinely happy for him, even asking if she makes him very happy because he deserves nothing less. Well one day, I just got out of class and B called me out to talk. I only agreed because she apparently watches me closely and knows my course schedule. B starts off, accusing me of giving S an ultimatum. I asked what she was talking about and she simply stated that I told him that he had to choose between B and myself.
When the hell did I do this? I'm holding back anger at this point, trying to calmly state that I'd never said anything like that. B says that she'll talk to S about what he told her. Great, she just called him a liar.
After that night, I would see them around occasionally since they hang out near my dorm. I didn't say a single thing to them at all and yet I got dirty looks from her when I was walking around campus. And then one day, he IMs me. "Sorry, I love her; I want to marry her and I don't think it's a good idea for us to be friends."
What the hell? That was
random. He blocked me before I read the message. The only thing that rushed through my head was
wow, I just lost a friend and I didn't do anything wrong. But there's no use in crying over spilt milk. I dismissed it, knowing S was the one that lost a good friend.
It's been a few months since it happened and I mentioned to a friend about some issues I'm going through (which sought a medical check-up). She accidentally brought this up with her boyfriend in front of S. He nearly freaked out trying to figure out what could be wrong. This friend also tells me that B has been telling our mutual friends that I put the ultimatum on S.
Wow, effing b*tch, calling me a liar to friends.
I'm pretty annoyed by this. I'm really tempted to confront them both, and it would be easy because apparently his place (he dorms with the friend's boyfriend) is across the pathway from mine. While it's only a slight temptation, question remains is if I should just confront them both or if I should just ignore them (which may piss her off moreso because of the proximity). What should I do? Have you gone through an ultimatum similar to this? Should I be flattered that she saw me as a threat?
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Comments (82)
i say, confront them once, but if they're still being blockheads, don't worry about it. associating too much with people like them only make you want to rip their heads off and give you nothing but frustration.
confront BOTH OF THEM face to face
dont let them talk shit about you - when you didnt do anything wrong
knock them out.. kidding lol..
maybe confront and then ignore them later.. seems like he wasn't much of a good friend anyway. its his loss..
wow such a pickle.. =/s
Confront them when they're together. That way it won't be a he said she said deal. Then leave it be.
Good luck <3
i'd ignore it. they're clearly not worth your time.
confront her!
girls are bitches sometimes.
ignore her. it's not worth the time you will waste and the energy you will waste on this stupid HS drama.
I would confront her! It would be different if she was just doing this to keep S to herself but she is ruining your reputation with your friends. Stop this nonsense in its tracks!
I literally JUST got a text message about 15 minutes ago from a guy saying that his girlfriend saw a text I sent him and flipped out. So he said he'd email me from time to time but couldn't text me anymore. REALLY?! The text was something along the lines of asking him if he's found a job yet and complaining about wanting to live alone. That's all. No flirting. Nothing. He and I never dated. We hooked up a couple times. I got pregnant. And then our son died. He said we'd be friends forever. Apparently not. And that right there is why I don't want a relationship, because I won't deal with the jealousy that could make me be forced with giving up a friend. So now I feel like more of my son just died with our friendship.
Spilled...
Dumb.
Yah confront her.
what a bish. If possible, ask her really rhetorical mean questions like "so, why are you such a bish again?" just for kicks. Then again if it's not in your personality to confront her and have an all out verbal war dont do it.
@UnopenedSuitcases@xanga - Sad thing is we're college students. But drama tends to follow I guess.
@TheSpaceBass@xanga - The mutual friends don't really believe her about me putting an ultimatum on him. They know I'm not one to choose sides or force others to.
The thing about this type of situation (how I look at it) is that if a girl makes me choose either her or my friends, the girl isn't worth being with. No person should make you choose a side.
The solution is to confront them upfront about it. Obviously, B is trying to start drama for no reason and you can set it straight. If they storm out, well, you're better off without them.
If you're the type that wants to get things over with, confront her and her bf. Obviously, she's trying to ruin your friendships by telling everyone else these lies. haha, it would be awesome if you can get your best buds and ppl who believe you and all confront her about them lying. They'll get a horrible reputation now, because of something like that.
But if you dont want to confront, then just ignore. Sometimes, that's the only way to go. Whichever gets them angrier (but never EVER stoop down to their level and lie). I'm sure you know :D
hm. girls suck
confront them =))
uhhh couldn't your ex have REALLY told her you made an ultimatum? Boys can miss big things sometimes. Maybe he doesn't even realize he implied that you made an ultimatum when you both know you didn't. Maybe he does. Confront both calmly in a private place.
@plump_Katz@xanga - I'll admit, I'm one to reflect on my wording often. But I haven't talked to him about her with the exception of asking if she made him happy. He said yes and I said that I was happy for him. After that things went back to what it was. He really came out of the blue with the decision.
Id contfront her in front of him, and make sure he knows he is gonna marry a liar.
I consider it a flattery... I mean how much can a person pay attention to your moves if you're not a threat right, even though we both know you're not. I think the primary problem is that he cannot be trusted and she knows this and rather than blame him she feels it's easier to blame you since you're the ex. I think that in head she must have made up the whole ultimatum issue so much that she thought it was real... I don't know but that sounds a little odd... I would say don't confront them... you're too good for their the smelly "shit" she spreading... but if you're still friends with the people she is trying to jeopardize you with I would say talk to them... let them be and let her boil in her anger because at the end all she wants is attention...
Ignore it. Your mutual friends, if they are your friends, will not listen to her or will come to you to ask for an explanation/your side of the story.
Has it occurred to you that perhaps S is the one who lied? After all, she claims he was the one who told her of your "ultimatum". Maybe she really does believe that to be the truth, and you are the one being mislead.
In any case, S has made his decision. He's capable of making his own decisions (in the end, B did not "make" him do this; he's perfectly capable of ignoring her if he wanted to), and he's clearly decided that he places his relationship with B over your friendship. I would just let it go at this point --it is no longer your business.
@wolvenchic@xanga - Haha, love it! :)
I hope he realizes the error of this decision. People do stupid things for love (or what they think is love, either one). My opinion is that someone who's his "true love" wouldn't ask him to choose between her and a friend. That girl sucks.
The whole thing kinda sucks, but at the very least, yes, you should be flattered that she sees you as a threat. Take comfort in that for now--hopefully your friend will come around.
I'd ignore it. You've been pretty mature throughout this whole situation, and you recognize that he's the one who lost out on a good friend. The girlfriend seems immature and insecure, and really this whole thing is quite petty. I'm sure you have other, more important things to worry about.