Miss Walrus
My current boy is a true blue-collar working man. He is set to acquire his uncle's concrete company as soon as he's ready (& graduated from college - as a fall back plan, of course), so he will most likely be one the rest of his life. Although he isn't exactly Mr. Muscles, he's got a little bit of that burly, mountain man-esque thing going on. And I think it's pretty hot.
However, as sexy as I think that is, it bothered me a slight bit when Mama Walrus decided to inform me that boy reminded her of a younger version of my father. Um, cool?
I've heard it said that women tend to fall for men that remind them of their daddies or uncles or brothers or some other male figure in their lives. However, I never really thought that this was true until this boy.
But it did get me thinking: Do we fall for people who are like family members we grew up around - because they seem familiar? Because they feel comfortable? Because we try to recreate our relationships with the people we were closest to as youngsters in our adult lives? The possibilities make my head hurt, 'cause not only am I slowly becoming my mother, apparently I'm dating my father, too.
Weird.
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Comments (76)
Maybe that's true but it's confusing in my case. Apparently my boyfriend is alot like my dad was when he was in high school but the way my dad is now is very different. I don't know how i could date someone like my dad if i didn't know my dad acted a certain way when he was younger. The funniest part is that my dad criticizes almost everything he does but my mom calls him on it and says he was the same way once.
idk ... i hope my bf doesnt turn out like my dad. my dad kinda screwed over my whole family :-\ soo... its kind of a fear now...
my girlfriend is absolutely nothing like my mom. my mom was in band, was a heavy partier and drinker, wanted to go into the navy but instead cut hair. my girlfriend was in choir, has never drank or been to a party, would never even give a nanosecond of thought to joining the forces, and wants to be a teacher. as for me, i am nothing like her dad. her dad was a big lady's man, a basketball player, and never went to college, and is a police officer. i have always been shy around women, i played basketball in elementary school but now i'm the fat nerdy type, i'm going to college, and i definitely don't ever want to be a police officer. haha.
@Tals12349@xanga - oh my goodness, my dad and my boyfriend are like that too (esp about the part where the dad criticizes- until one of his old friends calls him out, ha!)
I think my dad, brother, and my boyfriend are alike in many ways, but at the same time, very different. But you can see the strange resemblence of crazy personalities and laid back figures. They all have different strengths and weaknesses, though (which is fine by me
diverse is cool).
most people are attracted to the looks as well. my mom had blonde/highlighted hair our whole lives and that's what my brothers have both liked in a girl. my dad has black hair and that's what my sisters and i like in guys.
i don't find it weird or odd. it's only natural that it would happen. i suppose, that's why girls/guys date complete opposites of their parents (or whatever raised them) when they don't have a horrible relationship.
my current boyfriend is a mix of my dad, grandpa and my brothers. he likes to joke and call himself, "grand-daddy!" because he is an asshole. lol. but it's whatever. he usually agrees with whatever my dad says, becuase my dad and him think alike. him and my brother M don't get along, because they are both hot heads and don't take shit. Him and my brother F get along, because they like working out and shopping like they are girls. hahahahah.
xo
Ugh, I hope I don't end up dating a man like my father. He's not going to keep me happy, that's for sure.
i really, really hope not.
That factor definitely showed up in my love life. When I first met John, I was not at all interested. I had a rough early childhood and wanted someone who was nothing like my dad. I am a lot like my dad, very much so, and had issues with self-rejection because of it. I wanted to be someone different and was looking for the type of man who would fit well with the woman I wished I was. John spent a over a year and a half trying to get to know me. I was nice to him but wasn't wanting anything to happen between us. Finally we went out to coffee and I discovered there was more to him then met the eye. I started to open up a little and discovered that he was an amazing man. He's got that almost black hair like my dad, same height, same rare personality type...the same type I have as well. But he is the kindest, safest, most trustworthy man I have ever met in my life. He is very masculine and treats me like a princess. I have never had anyone love me the way that he does. I can be myself around him because he loves who I am and has no desire to change me. And I am learning to love myself on a deeper level. I realized that if my dad had been able to love me when I was little the way I needed to be loved, I would have loved who I was and wouldn't have been trying to steer clear of men who reminded me of my dad. John is the man I would have picked for myself right away. I spent a lot of time getting over my past and cleaning up the messes that it had made in my life. It is nice to know I have come back full-circle to be the woman that I was always supposed to be from the beginning. My dad also had a rough childhood and while that showed up when I was a kid, he has also taken the time to change his life. While he used to be pretty scary when I was little, now he is a good guy. Anyway, I think that it is true that we marry our parents for the most part. What's really scary is a lot of people who hate their parents and try to find someone nothing like them, usually marry them anyway. There was a Dolly Parton movie...trying to remember what it is...where she is a talk radio personality giving advice and posing as a PHD. She tells the main lead that he is bored with cornflakes. He keeps trying other boxes that look different on the outside, but inside he keeps finding cornflakes. I think that's what people do a lot of the time. We are drawn to something and don't know why we keep finding it when we are trying not to.
I think it's true. Because I definitely ended up marrying a man who is a wonderful mix of my brother, dad, and maternal grandfather--the three favorite men in my life (besides my husband, of course.) I think that as long as your parents set a good example, then you'll probably end up with someone like them. And there's nothing wrong with that. If your dad/brother/grandfather (or mom/sister/grandmother) is a good person, why not marry someone like him, you know?
-Katie
I always go for the exact opposite. :S
My dad is short, darkish, and has a round tummy.
My mom is lighter toned, my dad is darker. Oddly enough, my brother likes darker women, and my sister and I prefer lighter skinned men. XD With a few exceptions. Haha.
Really, though. If I ever got with a man like my dad, I know I wouldn't be happy.
I don't want to date someone with my father's attributes if he is as I imagine him right now. I hate my dad's toothbrush mustache, duck footed stance, pot belly, and chicken legs. Don't get me started on his personality either. I haven't found this Electra/Oedipus complex to be true at all in my life.
I guess it depends on how a person feels about his mother/her father. My previous boyfriend shared some similarities with both my dad and my older brother. Like my dad, he was dedicated to his family and hard work. Like my dad and brother, he shared the cheesy sense of humor that I love.
it was really cool seeing this as a blog because I've discussed this with an adult who was telling me that she thinks that we end up finding people like our parents as well. and I think we both of agreed that it's pretty subconscious for the most part.
but personally, I don't want to find someone like my dad. his sense of humor is okay sometimes, but for the most part he's really strict about really stupid things, like how early we should wake up and how long we should shower. maybe there are some good things about him that I do like, but even if those few things do happen to be in the guy I end up with, I wouldn't say I liked him just because my dad was like that. because I've never been like.. really comfortable with my dad anyways.
hmmm well my dad has dark hair and dark eyes... and is quite tall. He also had long hair when he was younger too xD. Though I'm attracted to these things in a guy it may not necessarily be because of my dad? I dunno... it is an interesting concept though :]
I find that the things that my boyfriend does that is like my dad make me really mad at him. Hmm...deep-seated father-daughter problems maybe?
@linnelleum@xanga - that's beautiful....
i guess this all depends on the person, my dad left my family and seems like a player/ladies man so i hope not...but i guess i do tend to go for that type. yikes. i actually am looking for a real sweetheart now tho.
i would never date a man like my father...
but i have been told that my boyfriend is a lot like my really close cousin...which is kinda weird...and my other cousin [his sister] says his girlfriend is a lot like me...
akward...but kinda true.
It's not true for me at all, although me and my mother are said to be the same person..
isn't there a greek myth story about this? where a guy gets separated at birth, comes back to the village and kills the father and marries the mother? :p it's an interesting story
@ROCKtheB0ATx@xanga - oedipus rex. XD
but yeah, uh probably. my dad's a really nice and friendly guy, and he shows a lot of affection for my mum even after like 25 years of marriage (yeah, gross huh!?). he's kinda uptight though, and i'm like that too so i'd rather go for someone more relaxed :) it's more because i had a good father figure in my life growing up so i suppose that's what happens.
I hope not. My Dad's a loser.
@ROCKtheB0ATx@xanga - oedipus lol but thats not the same thing. Freud's oedipus theory is that around the age of 3-5 you "want your mom" if you know what I mean lol. I think the point of this post is that IF you have a good relationship with your mother/father then subconsciously those attributes and traits you like/admire in them you will tend to gravitate towards those traits when dating. (whether they be physical or personality) =D
It's totally true for me and my sister!
My sister married someone a lot like dad, in that they're both hard-working, business-minded, very good with numbers, easy to get along with.
My boyfriend is like my Dad's twin! I have a great dad, so that's fine with me, but it's weird how alike they are both psysically and psychologically. They eat alike, they're both not very social, on the short side, generous with what they have, quiet, can't dress themselves to save their lives (lol), traditional, down-to-earth. I don't tell my bf this though because no bf wants to be compared to his gf's father!
My mom said my boyfriend reminded her of my dad. Ugh.. my dads an alright dad, but a terrible husband.
my guy constantly reminds me of my father...its kind of creepy