Sunday, 02 August 2009

  • Do You Break Up with Your SO's Friends, Too?

    As I was hanging out with my ex's friends last night, I couldn't help but feel so out of place there.

    My ex, Gary was not there and neither was his girlfriend, thank God. I don't care to get him back or anything, and it wasn't a nasty break up, nothing like that; I just don't care to hang out with him and his girlfriend.

    The thing is, I sort of do hang out with two of Gary's friends on kind of a regular basis because they became my own friends over time, not to spite him or anything, though, but because they truly are my own friends...but when I was with those four other people, one of the people included were Gary's brother Chris, and Chris' girlfriend.  Funnily enough, I always kept thinking to myself that one of these days I was bound to hang out with Chris without Gary, too since we both have some of the same friends and I wondered what it would feel like if we ever did hang out without him ...yep, awkward.

    The two friends I do hang out with though that I know through Gary, for some reason, I don't feel awkward when it's just us three hanging out...but when it was with a bunch of people, all of them were his friends, I did...so I just kind of kept to the two people that I usually hang out with.

    I have been trying to make new friends lately, but I am not sure...is making friends with an ex's group of friends okay?

    This got me thinking that if they all ever have a big event together, they might not invite me if Gary and his girlfriend go. I don't know.

    The thing is, there aren't that many places in town where I live to be making good new friends so I've just been getting to know other people through people.

    After you break up, do you find yourself still hanging out with your ex's friends, and does it feel slightly awkward or not?

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Comments (23)

  • Roadlesstaken@xanga

    Not really.  It's pretty tough to do, especially if you're no longer in situations where you would see them on a regular basis.  I'm still friendly with them though whenever I see them.
  • alicejessica@xanga

    It would depend whether you were making it awkward for him/her or him/her friends, for example if it was a messy break up.. I wouldn't hang round with them if I thought it bothered his/her friends
  • UnopenedSuitcases@xanga

    i stil talk to some of my exes' friends. it's no big deal. you just happen to know them through the ex
  • testubebaby@xanga

    no, you stick with them and hook up with them

    no really, it's okay to be friends with them. the awkwardness will go eventually
  • ikissedtheboy@xanga

    I am great friends with most of my exes friends.  The only time it has gotten awkward is at one of my exes friend's weddings which my ex attended... I looked great, he still looked like a bum.  I had a hot date, he had none.  He was jealous, threw a fit, and embarrassed himself.
  • doLc3@xanga

    I hope I could be friends with my ex's friends still.

    I guess there would be the whole not seeing each other that much anymore problem.
  • nipandetuck@xanga

    I recently moved to a new college town, where i met my now ex-boyfriend through an old friend from high school, who is a guy. The boyfriend was out of town for the majority of our relationship, and I hung out with all of his friends in his absence. When he was in town, we'd still hang out with his friends, as opposed to mine. Now that's he's broken up with me, I still continue to hang out with his friends, despite the fact that i'm the only girl in the situation. The ex won't be back in town for three weeks, then I'm not sure if it will be awkward. The guys have all told me i'm welcome with them, and I don't believe there will be a situation where I would be uninvited to something because he is invited.

  • flyawaysuperman@xanga

    i wouldn't. it would be too awkward.


    but if its a mutual friend, i dont see why not.

  • Iluvgillian@xanga

    @testubebaby@xanga - 'no, you stick with them and hook up with them' wow I couldn't have said it better ;-p
  • Lilyofdavalley84@xanga

    eh my friend was just going thro this talking about how he's afraid to break up w his gf for one reason they have all the same friends yatta yatta...i'm actually friends w my friends ex bf.
  • pasaway4eva@xanga

    It depends I guess. My first ex is the brother of my friend. When he and I broke up, me and his sister still talked and were still friends till now, all of us.

    As for my second rel, way more awkward. His cousins are my friends even before we started going out. But when we ended, the cousins started treating me differently, and not in a bad day, but they were always careful with their words esp if my ex even comes up in the convo. Very thoughtful. But I'm still very good friends with his cousins till now. (Mind u, my ex and I no longer talk)

  • CaucasianChopstix@xanga

    I think it's perfectly healthy to talk to the people that were involved in your ex's life as long as they don't drag you down and prevent you from healing and finding someone else.  You can't help that you developed friendships with them during the duration of your relationship, and they shouldn't penalized just because you two broke up.


  • JessxMaxine@xanga

    it could be total awkwardness for awhile, but i like to think that it will go away.
    as long as you and your ex are cool with each other and it's a big group (not coupled up), i don't see why you guys can't hang out.

    xo
  • S0N1@xanga

    If we're close, then I always try to maintain and keep the friendships. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't. IIf they treat me differently and treat me differently, in a bad way, then I leave.

  • KookingEggs

    well.. i introduce him to my friends as well.. so we get to hang out with both his friends and my friends. so considering we both have separate stable circle of friends, breaking up and deciding who to hang with doesnt matter. also, i dont spend enough time with his friends, so i never got be close to any of them. we spend most of our time hanging with my friends. though i doubt he's very close of any of mine either.
  • Tals12349@xanga

    Who cares what your ex thinks. He has a new girlfriend so he can hang out with her while you guys are all hanging out. You should show him that he doesn't have any control over what you do now and you can hang out with whoever you want to. 
  • snapeful@xanga

    i wouldn't want to hang out with him if he was around, and it would be a good show of respect that his friends are like "okay, we shouldn't invite her in case they get mad at each other." because they respect your feelings. i mean, if they still like me of course. but it does get awkward if it's like "oh... now they broke up... so we shouldn't hang out anymore"
  • kor_girl@xanga

    out of all my exes, i only have ONE "friend" from my ex..... but he doesn't live in my city and if I saw him, it'd be twice a year at max. we used to email a lot; when i was with my ex, and I know that used to bother the shit out of my ex (bf at the time). i know it still drives him (my ex) nuts that I talk to joe (the friend) more than him since i'm not comfortable becoming friends with my ex yet.


    so yeah, i usually don't make "good" friends with my bf's friends because if we ever broke up, it'd be weird. my current bf... i met him through my buddy so if we ever break up, THAT would be odd. but yeah, normally i don't keep friends with my ex's friends. that's awkward; i wouldn't want to accidently hear about my ex and his new gf (life, whatever) and i doubt my exes would like to hear about my life, if that's what they wanted, they can always email me, eh?
  • just_the_average_jane@xanga

    It depends.  If you're still seeing them as "so-and-so's friends", then no, I wouldn't hang out with them after breaking up.  However, if you see them as YOUR friends --people that you're friends with independent of your ex/SO, then I would still be friends with them.  
  • midge4ever@xanga

    Well after I broke up with my ex I hoped that I could stay friends with his best friend and my really close friend at the time. but after that all she would do was yell at me and tell me that I was going to hell for breaking his heart and that my pain after the break up wasn't justified. yea great friend. all in all. I'm kinda glad she's not my friend anymore. but we had a lot of mutual friends before we started dating. we went to a small private shcool so every one was friends. I still talk to them. but not my ex or his best friend.
  • soberheartss@xanga

    that's why you should always have your own set of friends outside of the relationship =D
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