I think that the opposite argument to what your saying is that whilst it's nice, in theory, to ask for advice, realistically how good is the advise going to be when you are only hearing information from one individual, condensed down into a few paragraphs. Four years, for example, is a long time. Can the problems, both sides of the problems, adequately be explained in a blog for individuals to judge and offer worth while advice about?

My point is that if you ask complete strangers about your love life, you are likely to get the "quick response solutions" that you discussed, not because they are selfish individuals who want you to break up and be broken hearted, but because the details of both parties are missing... that's just my opinion anyway.

Listen y'all she right right!

Sometimes people change, and sometimes people don't. Pretty much, it's really up to the person who asks for advice to listen to what people comment on their blogs. But basically, it's easier to say "break it off!" than to say "well, maybe do this and this and this and this and this... and hope he changes". It's even easier to do (unless someone really loves the other person). But yes, breaking it off is not the only way to handle things

And sometimes, the "advisors" don't really care what happens- they just say "go bye bye" because they feel like it. The Internet is full of apathetic people :-/

Yeah people who are not experiance in relationship is the first ones to always think breaking up is the best thing for everyone because thats what they do, run away from the problem instead of sticking it out and working things out.

sometimes breaking it off before it gets bad is a good thing. there are all sorts of different situations and many girls are stupid enough to think "this man is the right man" while others may see that the guy is totally not right for her. you asking for advice is setting you up for either denial or something you already know in your head. i mean, think about it, why would you even ask anyone else for advice. i never ask for relationship advice because honestly, first of all, you'd be telling your friend the situation from your point of view, thus being biased. second, the person you trusted in may not know the same experience so may be talking about of their ass. most of the time, you can come to your own conclusion since you know yourself and the situation best. i always talk to my friends about what happened and always come up with my next move myself. because all you really need is to talk about it and depending on that, you'll realize if its worth it or not.

@suggestivetongue@xanga - I have to agree with this.

No relationship is going to go smooth and perfectly.  There's always going to be a bump along the way if not more.  As suggestivetongue said, if you're not willing, there's not much else you can do.

People can change, but it depends what your talking about when you mention change.  Certain characteristics are always going to be there, that's what makes us who we are. 8 out of 10 people on xanga are probably narrow minded/don't give a shit or give a quick condensed response.  If you're going to ask for relationship advice on here, you should expect to have to filter through a lot of crap in order to find some which is relatively helpful.  But let's face it, the majority of the internet is like this.

If the guy/girl cheats in a relationship, I tell them to break it off.  Why do you want to be with someone who cheated on you and have no respect and consideration for you at all?

If the guy/girl is too insecure in the relationship to even go check an e-mail that you no longer use, I tell them to break it off.  Why would you want to be with a person whom you can't trust in a relationship?  Without trust, there is no relationship.  That insecure individual needs to work on herself before she can even get into a relationship or she will drive the men out of her lives.

If the guy/girl in the relationship is emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive, I tell them to break it off.  If he or she can't respect you as an individual in a relationship, you don't need him/her.  The relationship ain't going to be healthy or last, anyways.

If it's reasonable and makes logical sense, yes, I tell them to break it off for their own good.  It's not because I'm a stranger and that's the easiest way that I see fit for their problem.  But of course, there are a few who thinks "breaking up" with their significant other is the only solution or they just don't care.  Simply put.

People will voice out their advices and opinions but at the end, the op is the person to decide how to fix his/her problem the way he/she sees it fit.

@snapeful@xanga - I completely agree with you 

I don't think you can obtain too much in a 6 paragraph post about someone's relationship. Some of those posts are ridiculous and just plain stupid, and the girl or guy who wrote them are just fooling themselves if they think that posting 100% negative information (or often conflicting information) about their SO is going to gain them any answer except "break it off".  I just know that there are things that I wouldn't put up with if I were dating someone, four years or not.  I don't think that anyone should have to put up with a lack of respect... EVER.

I completely agree with you, and I'm glad you posted about this.

@snapeful@xanga - I agree with you because people are going to put their two cents in about anything you say on the internet.

Advice is hard to give, especially when I don't actually know the couple.  I understand that I can not and will not judge anyone on xanga and when he/she asks for advice, I'm always genuinely trying to help.  Most of my advice centers around talking to his/her SO because the only ones, who can truly fix a relationship is the ones in the relationship.  I also believe that the people on xanga, who asks for advice just wants to find a way to vent for the time being.  And sometimes it's just more comfortable to vent to strangers, who has the view of an outsider.  Of course "breaking up" is the last resort because any relationship requires effort from both sides.  Some people use "breaking up" as a means of escape because having a relationship is difficult and frustrating sometimes.  While others overcome arguments and are brought closer together.  After all, arguments are part of "getting to know each other" phase. 

I don't believe you can change a person, but he/she can improve.  As long as a couple comes to an understanding and doesn't make the same mistakes, then it's all good.  After all, you chose your SO, knowing he has some flaws b/c no one is perfect.  It all depends on if you're willing to accept and work with those flaws.  For instance, I know my bf can be very sensitive (more so than me) and he had told me that he will try to change for the better.  However, although I listened and supported him, I never asked him to change.  He is still sensitive, but he did improve and as long as I recognize his efforts to change, then that's all that matters to me.  As for me, I'm a very introvert person and tend to keep my emotions to myself.  Whenever there's a problem or situation, I shut down.  Since I've always been this way, I have a hard time opening up to my bf and expressing my emotions.  Because we are 2 different people, it was hard on our relationship, but we got through all those arguments and understood each other more.  I promised to be more expressive, he promised to be less sensitive and we both improved.  We've been going strong for 1year and a half now.  I don't think anyone should try to shape a person to become their ideal SO, because everyone has good and bad traits.  As long as there are efforts from both sides to work on their relationship together, then that relationship is worth keeping.  It takes 2 to make a relationship successful!  

I'm for the idea that if you can love one person, you can love another. I have a zero-tolerance policy for bullshit, especially when it's the same bullshit over and over again. Instead of wasting months or years on something that may or may not work and a partner who may or may not change, I'm just going to give them the boot. Hopefully they'll learn their lesson for the next person who comes their way, but it's no longer my problem.

It depends on the specific problem at hand--some behaviors are easy for people to modify, like asking them to not leave the toilet seat up or to stop making fun of your friends in front of you. And then others are deep-rooted and often the manifestation of something going on in the person's psyche. Asking the person to stop or change this behavior is nearly impossible. Do people change? Yes. Should we expect them to, simply because we want them to? No. Let's get real, people. A person has to first want to change, and secondly, want to change enough to take the steps to see it through. The truth is that most people are lazy. They're not going to change for someone else.

And what if they do change these deep-rooted behaviors? It's going to be a constant struggle. People who struggle with weight issues or alcoholism can be successful and modify their behavior, but few are successful with it every day for the rest of their lives. Every day is a battle, and many will find themselves failing at one point or another. I don't believe that love should be an every day struggle. It's just not worth it to me.

I can't profess to know everything about relationships, but I've learned enough to know that not every problem has a solution. Sometimes the solution is to walk away and find someone who's a better match for you. And I'm certainly smart enough to realize what's shitty and what's not. No relationship is perfect; that's why it's about how you feel about it as a whole. If the relationship makes you happy but the problem does not, then the problem may be fixable. If you're unsure about the whole thing, then it's probably time to just call it quits. I call 'em as I see 'em--I don't care what redeeming qualities your SO or your relationship possesses, in spite of the shortcomings. If it looks, smells, and sounds like shit...it's shit. More people need to understand this.