Saturday, 01 August 2009
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I Think He's Still Interested in His Ex
So I've been dating this guy for almost 2 months now, and it's been absolutely magical. He holds my hand, kisses me on my forehead, and tells me he loves me, and I know he means it. His mom loves me, his dad cracks jokes with me, and his brother and I chat.... however.. there is an issue of an ex-boyfriend.
My boyfriend, C, and his ex-boyfriend, M, dated about a year ago for around 4 months... however, within the first week of them dating, things happened that should not have happened. C was forced into sexual activity, and for some unknown reason that blows my mind, they stayed together for 4 months.
Now C and I are dating, and while we've been dating, C got back in contact with M. This didn't bother me too much at first, but then when I realized that this 'dragon' person C had been talking about was M! Every time we talked, every time we hung out, somehow 'dragon' got into the conversation. After C told me 'dragon' was M, he stopped saying 'dragon' and used M, and it just made me horribly sick. Today was definitely the worst, though.
C is on vacation right now for a week and a half, and we've been texting and whatnot. He called me up today, and I was thinking, 'oh yay!'. Bad move apparently. C was on the phone, close to sobbing, because C called up M, and M was incredibly rude. While on the phone, I had to mute it because I got so upset, I threw up (still haven't been able to keep food down yet). Why is C calling M while I'm left at home, sick, wondering how C is doing? If you're wondering what M was saying, apparently C was talking about mine and C's relationship to M, and M snapped and said 'well why are you willing to compromise with her and not me?', but in a much not nicer way. C is doing horribly, he's upset, and I finally told him that I thought C still liked M. C said first that he didn't think he did, then said that he didn't like M enough to date him again...
So my dilemma is....do I stay with him and let him sort out his feelings while we're going out, or do I break up with him and once he's done with figuring out his feelings, entertain the idea of going back out?
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Comments (45)
you said "his ex-boyfriend" ... is he bi? or... ex-gay?
this is important because it maybe hard to truly change one's sexuality :\
if this is the case, i'd suggest let him sort it out.
^^uh maybe hes a guy too and theyre both just gay?
this sounds like a pretty complicated situation. he probably still likes his ex, but theres a lot of baggage and theres probably no way he would be stupid enough to put himself back in that situation.
i would talk to him about your feelings about the situation and see what he says before you do anything.
haha i'm just stuck on him being gay.
@oulck@xanga - lol, my thoughts exactly when i first read this.
but yeah, the situation seems a little bit messed up.
talk to him. get everything out in the open, and start from there.
good luck xox
@softaswater@xanga -"M snapped and said ''well why are you willing to compromise with her and not me?' "
Plus, the picture shows a boy and a girl...
this kind of writing is way too convoluted. who cares about those kinds of details. you haven't told us pertinent details for us to help answer your questions.
I'd end it.
i'm so lost. you leave out a lot of details.
i want to know what he said about "dragon" that got you upset.
im lost..?
just trying to help here but why did 'dragon' suddenly turn into 'M'? or is 'M' a dragon all along? XDD okay on a more serious note, is your bf bi? Coz if he is still interested in his ex-bf then maybe it's only coz women isn't for him and so that makes him gay. This is extremely puzzling and odd....and you had to throw a dragon in there too >.My conclusion is that C likes the dragon more than you. This isn't your fault naturally because well, you're not a dragon. I'm trying to be serious here mind you. I seriously think C has his heart with the dragon and not you.
Mmm I'd get out of it... it shouldn't be this painful/hard ONLY two months in... plus I know when I'm caught up on an ex to the point of them upsetting me still then I am not ready for a new relationship...
Might just want to sit tight, and let him figure things out.
option C - break up and move on
To clear it up, it looks like the subject in question is indeed bi unless there is a typo in there. And I would suggest one of two things. Either make your boyfriend cut all communication with his ex since he clearly likes him. Or you can stop dating him and find someone with less baggage and problems on their hands. Obviously he isn't ready for a new relationship since he's getting upset and crying over this dragon dude. I'd say you have a decision to make. And you had better make it quickly.
what is his sexual orientation? I would say that you should let him sort it out on his own.
@Loonsounds@xanga - i agree with his advice
Why in the world did he call his ex? ... For right now, it's your choice to either stay with him or to not. But- he really needs to sort things out- but the funny thing is, why would he consider going back with a jerk like M? Try to be by his side to help him, because if M's being rude to him and not treating him right, and making him do sexual stuff- like how does M compare to you? Hopefully he will realize that M is FOR SURE not the one for him.
I hope things get better.
Talk to him about it. Help him sort out his feelings. He needs to sort out his feelings about his ex, before he gets into anything serious. I've been there done that. Not fun. So talk to him about it. Tell him it would probably be better to cut ties with his ex, seeing as his ex is being rude. It will help a lot.
WTH, this blog is so freaking confusing girl. u lost me when m was a dragon and c was calling and yeah...WHAT??????????
You shouldn't have to comfort your boyfriend over a previous relationship. You apparently aren't good enough to remove his mind from his previous relationship, and that's not your fault. He isn't resolved about his ex and until he is, there's not much you can do.
This just made my head hurt, maybe a flow chart would help clear things up. Sorry you are in such a complicated situation.
Wow... you are ill over this, this doesn't sound good at all, a nice long talk would be good, something you both need, with all parties involved in fact.
This sounds pretty messed up, a talk is inevitable to help sort things out for the better or worse. Good luck.
Take a break and let him sort out his feelings instead of wasting time trying to make it work.
C didn't say that he didn't like M but he said he didn't like M ENOUGH to date M again.
Personally, for me, being in a relationship with someone who still have feelings for their ex is a deal breaker for me. I couldn't be in a relationship with him knowing he still thinks and talk about/with his ex. That shows no respect and consideration for me at all.
Knowing that C always talk about M and calling you second after he called M, how does that make you feel? Can YOU stay in a relationship with him and endure all this? Or can you let him go (for now) until he figure out his feelings and can be with either you or M wholeheartedly?
I seriously think C need some "me" time to figure out his feelings.
I'd get out of it RIGHT AWAY.