Saturday, 01 August 2009
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Spend Enough Time Together?
I have been dating this person for a couple months. Our relationship isn't so bad...a fight here and there once in a while..some have been extreme, but overall, we always end up making up and being content with each other again. We have the same group of friends, so we always go out with our friends and hang out with them. We also spend plenty of time on the weekdays alone together whether it's studying or whatnot.
What I noticed, though, is whenever we plan an outing, whether it's to watch a movie or study or anything, we ALWAYS invite our friends, as in we make an effort to recruit as many friends to come with us as possible. I notice we have never actually gone out alone before. I am perfectly content in our relationship, but is it normal to never crave or want to spend time with just your boyfriend/girlfriend? Just occasionally be content with watching a movie with just the two of you without feeling like you need to invite your friends? (And it's not like we feel we have to, we DO, because we want to.)I just noticed in my past relationships I wanted to spend as much alone time with my SO as much as possible, even though we had plenty of alone time already. But with this relationship, I really could care less if we never had alone time...is that normal? How much time do you spend with your SO?
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- From: LittleWhite18@xanga
- Name: Annie
- About Me: Live Life to the fullest
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Comments (25)
My boyfriend and I spend as much time together as possible, but just like your situation, we hang out with the same groups of friends. The difference is that we feel obligated to invite people sometimes. I think it's necessary to want to be with your SO alone even if it's rarely.
i actually got into a huge fight with my boyfriend about this recently. everytime we would hang out, it would be with his friends and eventually i realized it was bugging me. i personally want to spend alone time with my bf, and it's not like i mind hanging out with his friends - just not EVERY minute i'm with him.
for you though, if this doesn't bother you -- why bring it up? if you're comfortable and content with it, then there shouldn't be a problem. :)
since things are going well, don't worry about it.
however, if you were to start thinking about marrying this person, then I would suggest more alone time. you're not, so no biggie.
i spend the majority of my time with my boyfriend. in our relationship, we kept friends with us until we got comfortable enough together to hang out just by ourselves and find ways to make it equally or more fun than in a group- probably two of three months into it, we became the elusive pair that was rarely seen, and even more rarely seen without each other. i do think it's weird that you don't want to spend much time alone- that's a key part of any relationship. for the most part with us, we're a package deal, unless it's college/work/his band practice. and even then, i'm bound to tag along to some of that. xD
No, that's not normal. Is being "content" good enough...that's barely happy, but not sad.
You guys seem like you only want to be around each other when your mutual friends are around. Something is wrong or missing from your relationship.
Is this relationship just something to do? Or do you see something more?
I spend a lot of time with my bf, we also hang out separately, and we do share mutual friends...There has to be a balance.
Good luck.
I prefer the one-on-one kind of outing over the group one. I don't believe in "group dates" because I like the intimacy of talking and focusing on one person. Parties are for groups and dates are for couples.
Sure, it's perfectly normal to want to spend time alone with your someone. It would be weird if you didn't. I spend time alone with my boyfriend all the time, and him and our friends all the time. But you two should also spend time alone if you want to. Just ask him, he should understand.
sounds like you guys are better off just being friends.
lately my boyfriend and i have been too busy working to save up for our holiday to Malaysia (his home country) at the end of the year, so i feel like i haven't had a decent conversation with him in quite some time; yet we live with each other!
tonight though, as we were driving to get something to chow down on, we talked about random things like getting our tax money back, gossips & who's with who.. and it was then that i realised that even though we're spending less & less with each other, when we do get to put our busy schedules on hold to spend time together, what we share in that fleeting moment is that much more special to me. [:
As long as both you you don't mind hanging out with other people all the time, then I think it's fine. I just like a little alone time just so we can relax. But it's always fun being with your friends as well :D
There are not too many "norms" for relationships. It's whatever you two like. If you two like it the way things are than keep it that way. If you want something different suggest going out alone one night, for some quality couple time. If you really want to be with him, and you are really happy, then there is nothing wrong.
Hey if thats the way yall like the relationship to be then i guess its alright. but it sounds like you guys are better off just being friends if thats the case. Thats just my opinion
Spending time with your friends is important so that you know each other's group of friends and have a good impression on "the friends." However, I also believe it is healthy to want to spend alone time with your bf. In the beginning of a relationship, alone time may seem awkward and you have a hard time holding a conversation, but that's what you need to work on together. Don't you feel like sometimes it may be nice to cuddle on the couch to watch a movie together? Or go to dinner just the two of you? When a couple is alone they interact more intimately than with a group of friends. The "getting to know each other" is when you spend time alone. Interacting with a group of friends is nice because it's less awkward and you don't always have to talk just w/ your bf, but if you have a hard time being alone w/ your bf, then that's something to evaluate. Do you feel uneasy being alone with him? Is the situation awkward and unbearable? If this is true, then you should try to work on this together. Good luck!
If we just started to date, then I'd want some group dates and then some one-on-one dates. I guess it's cuz I'm all new to him and I will probably make things more awkward than it already is. If we've been dating for quite some time, then I'd prefer one-on-one dates BUT I wouldn't want to be with him ALL THE TIME. I like fresh air, I like space. I could go a day without seeing him.
I've been with my current boyfriend for over a year, and we have never seen a movie together.
Yet we spend as much alone time as possible.
I think we've only been with a group of friends five times, not including when we went
to school together.
Sometimes when you want to spend so much time with your SO you think of yourself as
selfish, so maybe it's good that you like spending time with your friends and him. It can also
mean that you like flaunting that you two are in a relationship.
But if you don't crave that alone time as much, then it's possible you two don't have a serious
relationship to move in (if the possibility of moving in ever came up) because if you don't crave that much alone time now- who's to say you will in the future.
the first month of my relationship was like yours. we hang out but we have friends coming along as well. after that, we have been hanging out alone, just the two of us.
I think you and your SO need to have alone time together. Friends are nice and it's great you include your friends in your lives. I'm not saying don't involve them, but I don't think they would hold it against you if you were to take some time for you and your SO to have to yourselves. I think it is essential to have a balance between time alone and time together with the friends as a couple. Too much of either extreme is probably not healthy for the relationship, but that's just my opinion.
maybe you're just not feeling the relationship then. but you need to speak up. when i'm with my so, i want to spend every minute i got with him even if it's just on the phone if we can't be in person. then when it's in person, sometimes with our friends but we always devote one day with just each other and no one else.
at least once a week of alone time with him would be good for me! like a whole day. lol
you and your SO should have alone time.
good for you two, normally, couples go into hide away mode for the first few months and just live inside each other's company. that just means, you guys value your friendships and each other's friendships.
but yes, i do think alone time is needed.
xo
My SO loves alone time and actually prefers it over spending time with a group. I think a healthy mix of both is good for a relationship with you SO and the relationship with your friends.
My SO likes some of my friends but some of them are sheltered and tend to bug him with their tendencies. His friends, however, love me and i like them too. So we spend time with them and we spend time alone. He actually lives 3 min drive (due to stop lights) and a 7 minute walk away from me ( i was getting exercise and went to see if he wanted to jog with me). We did see each other like at least one a day. But due to my mother's increasing wariness we have seen each other like 3 times a week. (strangely his work schedule has changed and made it that way. i saw him 2 times before today and it was for an hour and a half. But we like spending time together. His older bro and his bro's fiancee hang with us alot. So i typically see them. But its all good. I love the time we spend together. Whether with friends or not <3 addy
I hang out with him alone almost everyday but when we hang out with his friends they are only over for a little and honestly i feel left out of their conversations sometimes. Of course I don't want to be an awkward girlfriend so I always try to contribute something and all of his friends think I'm cool. When we're with my friends we are usually at the beach or going on a small trip. We always get plenty of alone time and I love it but time with friends is okay too because I feel like he's showing me off to his friends which I think is really cute.
we used to see each other once or twice a week during school days
and summertime is three to four times
if things are going well, then it's not that big of an issue.
but you don't seem happy with it. he's your bf, talk to him about it. i'm sure you guys can find some activity to do alone, and still be out and social. like a trip to the zoo or something, where there are other people, but you are your own group.
it's important that you guys get SOME alone time. people act differently around their friends. and if you guys are planning any sort of future, even if it's not marriage, you need to know who you're dating.