Saturday, 01 August 2009

  • Does He Even Want Me Back?

    I'm a no good cheater and a liar. Last week, I told the man I'm truly in love with I had gone out with another guy and kissed him. It was a friend hangout, but it turned out otherwise. So he broke up with me.


    Last weekend he went to Comic Con in San Diego for a few days. Those days he called me constantly and texted all the time. He never used to do that; he was a weird communicator. I feel like he's leading me on but I'm not sure. He is always saying he loves me and that he wants to be with me again when he trusts me. I've seen him everyday since he's gotten back. I keep asking him, "Do you want me back?"

    He says, "Ya, but not right now."

    I believed him until we drove home together. He was so quiet driving me home. That's pretty much an every time thing with this boy but something wasn't right that day. After having being told he needed to take a shower and eat before work, I opened the door and walked to the window. I saw him changing his clothes and spraying cologne on himself through the window inside my house. I suspect he was seeing someone after dropping me off. I'm sure he was.

    I'm so confused. Does he even want me back or is he trying to hurt me like I hurt him?

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Comments (33)

  • Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga

    From what I've learned, guys are usually blunt, so when they say something, they actually mean it. There's not much to read into when it comes to guys. He specifically said he wanted you back, just not now, so that's probably what is going on.

    The tricky part is that he says that and means that NOW, but things may change in the future and he may not update you on exactly when or how it'll change until it builds up and shocks you like no other.

    OR he is blatantly lying and doing this to hurt you because you hurt him. In this case, you'd have to truly read into the type of person you know him as and see whether he'd be the kind of guy who would do that.

  • testubebaby@xanga

    does he have a nasty scheming friend that's a girl? if yes, latter case
  • Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga

    erg. weird. i'd prob just not hang out with any of the parties involved for a long time ...
  • goblinsinthemirror@xanga

    nah, I think you should trust him
  • xoxo__MOOfin@xanga

    from experience I've learned that once you break up with someone you really love, you still want to talk to them constantly when you're away, you feel a NEED to talk to them.
    I've also learned from experience that when someone cheats on you, you want to cheat on them to hurt them just as much, if not more, so they will understand what they've put you through.
    He says he still wants to get back together with you "when he trusts you again" because either a, he wants to keep his options open and he knows you're in the 'grovel-for-forgiveness' stage so it's easy for him, or b, he doesn't have the heart to break up with you. Sometimes both a and b apply.
    oh, and I also know from experience, it's hard to trust again after someone's cheated on you.
    sorry, but I think this relationship might be a bit beyond fixing.
  • AznDarkDevil@xanga

    Sweetie... here's my take on it, so I hope your boyfriend can do the same for you:
    You did betray his trust, no doubt.
    However, this is not a death sentence, not to me.
    My girlfriend asks me about that once a while, the "what-if" situation.
    "What if I break up with you?"
    "What if I cheat on you?
    "What if I have sex with another man while dating you?"
    She has some past with other guys before, and compared to her, i am very green.
    She goes out with guys alone sometimes, and sometimes with her exes, to hang out or what-not.
    I have to admit I will not feel comfortable, but I do trust my baby. It's just who she is, it's who I fell in love with.
    I trust her with all my heart. I even anticipated that she may lie to me, but I am still willing to give her my love and trust. To me, she is worth everything of mine because I truly love her. So no, even though you betrayed the other partner's trust, it's not a death sentence. However, you should reevaluate your love for the guy since you did slip. (Just as a constructive and helpful suggestion.)
    Have a mature conversation with him. Start off by telling him what you did was not exactly right. Tell him straight up that you would like to hear him out and his thoughts about it. Attack the core question if he still wants to be with you. Remind him that every second he lets pass is damaging your relationship because you might feel insecure about this relationship. Let him know and allow him that he can take some time, but he has to give you a convincing, timely, and responsible response.
    If he steps up, great, he's a guy worth keeping.
    If not... o well, better luck next time.
  • fivepointfourtwo@xanga

    My ex said that to me. I waited almost half a year. Recently, I finally decided he was just playing with me and doesn't want me back... so I left. Sometimes I wonder if I made the wrong decision, but he put me in so much pain and confusion and in the end, actions speak louder than words. So see what he does, what he says and evaluate the him you know and love... maybe your ex really does want you back. Hope your situation turns out differently than mine did. 
  • wizexel22@xanga

    Just wait and see.

    I'm guessing 90% chance he's not trying to screw you over. Most guys don't think that way. Guys, if they wan't "revenge" normally take immediate action. Girls are usually the ones to plan and scheme someone's demise. Most guys just don't do that. Plus if he really was trying to screw you over.....what would be the point of the "not yet" part? why not start the evil revenge scheme right away?

    Most likely he was hurt by what you did......and needs time to get over it. Ignore the "yes but not yet" part. Thats bogus. It doesn't even make logical sense. Either he wants you back or he doesn't. But what that more probably means is.... "i still have feelings for you but i don't want you back right now". so u just have to wait. he might never want you back though. while he's waiting for the hurt to go away.....his feelings for you may decrease as well. OR he might want you back even more.

    there's no way to tell really......so since you messed up, you should probably just be supportive of him....but also be cautious as well. in short, you just need to give him time and see what happens.
  • B1ANCACACA@xanga

    He probably wants you back but not right now.  Maybe he didn't even want to break up with you, but needed the time apart to think things over.  I say give him space and see how things go.
  • givemecoke@xanga

    my ex told me that before... and we still aren't together.

    sometimes they just don't know what they want.

    I love him, but I wont wait forever and neither should you.

    my thought.
  • silvermoon_lauwa@xanga

    @AznDarkDevil@xanga - :) I like how trusting you are, it's refreshing to see!
  • belldingding@xanga

    perhaps he just wants the physical side because he hasn't found a replacement for you.


    that sounds really harsh. but i feel its likely.
  • NiDH0GG@xanga

    @xoxo__MOOfin@xanga - "from experience I've learned that once you
    break up with someone you really love, you still want to talk to them
    constantly when you're away, you feel a NEED to talk to them."

    couldn't be agree more...
  • nineteen80sixx@xanga

    "Does he even want me back or is he trying to hurt me like I hurt him?"


    I'd say it's both of these.
  • chocosunshine@xanga

    If a man wants you, noting can push him away, If a man doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.


    I'm sure he still likes you, but he also wants you to suffer that's why he is playing games with you. Stop seeing and contact him for couple of weeks, if he is truly loves you, he will ask you back. If not, he will be gone.
  • Luvlystarr@xanga

    Both. 
  • heffries@xanga

    once u "cheat" u'll always be looking out for urself thinking he is going to do the same
  • atmaster@xanga

    don't worry, he's not going to see another girl --- this is evident from the fact that he went to comic con. wait, are you even a real girl?
  • AmeSoeur@xanga

    While I agree that he's probably not trying to screw you over, he may just be being wishy-washy about it. Give him some time - everybody needs time to heal, but if he hasn't decided in a few months if he trusts you yet, then it's never going to change. You shouldn't cheat, but you probably know that already, and you've repented - it's not healthy to be in a relationship (or try to be in a relationship) with someone who isn't sure he trusts you.

    I don't think he's trying to hurt you - most of the guys I know don't really think that way - but if he can't make a decision in the long term, then you shouldn't prolong it.
  • AmeSoeur@xanga

    @atmaster@xanga - Hahaha, excellent point! I didn't even take that into consideration. I've been remiss.
  • leadheavy@xanga

    @Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - I hope the guy is leading her on because she would deserve it. It's karma, lady. But I know it's wrong and I wouldn't do it. Strange paradox.
  • coconut_dream@xanga

    It seems to me that he is giving himself an excuse to take a break from the relationship. Because you told him you kissed another guy, he

    might

    be thinking, "Great! Looks like I can do some 'shopping,' since she started it. If it doesn`t work out, we`ll just get back together." This may sound a little harsh, but maybe he`s trying to see if you can take it if he dates a couple girls for now. That also depends on if he`s the type of person who would do that, and you are the best judge of that.
    On the other hand, I would ask him what it is that he wants. A cooling off period? An open relationship during that period? They say that if you love someone, you should let them go. Which sounds really cliched, but if you think about it, why would you restrain or tie down the one you love? You want them to

    want

     to be with you. 
  • jeezshoua@xanga

    He's probably checking if the grass is greener on the other side.  If not, he'll come back.
  • S0N1@xanga

    It's a 'maybe' situation.
    One side, he's probably saying that to test you/some other girl, and on the other, he probably means it. You never know.

  • subaru3169@xanga

    umm..  ya screwed up, why should it be any easier for you than how you made him feel??  that's not logical

    you should tell the guy to let you go..  if he didn't do anything to warrant you cheating on him, it wouldn't be fair..  especially for him

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