Friday, 31 July 2009

• Box Theory of Relationships

  
  

  
  
  

  So there's this guy named Terry I knew who told me about his Box Theory. Generally, it's based on the idea of self-evaluating before pursuing someone of the opposite sex. Let's say, there's this one bad-tempered, unattractive guy who would only pursue the hottest, richest woman in the planet. A normal person would note that that person is being much pickier than he should be, or delusional... or, to put it another way, he is not willing to live up to the same standard he expects. While it's laudable to pursue goals (the opposite sex) and dreams beyond himself/herself, one shouldn't be surprised (or have a fit) if they don't meet that particular goal (as frequently as one would like) as one looks at oneself. To a passing observer, it would likely make sense why that guy can't get the girl or vice versa (given the usual statistic). However, one can most likely increase those chances if there is actual change in that person, or that person changes the environment around him. Well, that's where, according to Terry, the box theory comes in. So, you ask, what exactly is this box theory? Well, here is the Box Theory diagram:

  
  GRAY
  Inside of the box (gray) represents your Potential Relationship Success Surface Area, or the likelihood of finding the person who meets your pickiness level based on your potential within your network of friends. It is like a target when you throw darts. The bigger the target, the more likely you'll hit one. (See Diagram A) It is true you only need to meet that one right person...and you might meet that person through a fluke, or destiny. (This also depending on how one defines destiny, and whether one believes in a divine destiny, which, by the way, one's primarily goal isn't about finding the solemate, but is more of an add-on) In this graph, however, having a large surface area only means you have more pool of people to choose from.
  
  GREEN
  The top line of the box (green) is the ceiling, which represents your attractiveness. The more attractive (whether because of looks, power, personality) you are to the opposite sex, the higher the ceiling will be. If you are unattractive, you'd have a lower ceiling. (See Diagram C)
  
  RED
  The floor (red) represents how picky (your bare minimum must-haves) you are. If you are only looking for, at the bare minimum, a Jessica Alba, the floor would be high (because she's hot!). So, if you happen to be Napoleon Dynamite (minus the dance moves) and want to date Jessica Alba, you either will have to work on yourself (dance like a mofo) to be more attractive (exercise, education, or psychotherapy), or lower your pickiness (date the girl next door), in order to increase your Potential Relationship Surface Area (See Diagram B). Now, this is assuming that Jessica Alba happens to be a mentally healthy individual. There are hot women out there with lots of self-hate issues and serious mental problems who may go after whoever. I'm not talking about those women.
  
  BLUE
  If you're neither willing to budge on the ceiling or the floor, you can still increase your success area, however, by getting to know more and more people (which also means you're willing to meet people with different tastes, or a Trekkie willing to date outside the Trekkie pool, or God forbid, a Star Wars fan). The side walls of the box (blue) represents your network of friends, acquaintences, general people you are exposed to. The wider the walls become, more people you know. More people you know, more chances there are you will find someone you like and vice versa. (See Diagram D) You can be the most attractive girl or guy, but if you live in a cave, no one will get to know you. Thus, having narrow walls decreases your success rate. One should note, people are generally attracted to popular, or well-known people. Part of it is because of the "trust" factor. People may think popularity is a bad a thing (it can be when misused), but there is an inner logic behind it.
  
  So, in the end, to reach maximum potential, you want to know a lot of people, not be overly picky, and work on yourself to be more attractive. I personally think it's perfectly fine to be picky as long as you're realistic about your potential and willing to work on it. Some, however, may have an overly bad opinion about oneself. Now, that kind of thing is more of an inner issue, so you best take care of it, maybe get counseling, start giving to the poor (or something), before dating. (Read the part about Jessica Alba and self-hate issues above)
  
  Now, that was the Box Theory. Now using that, I suppose we can turn this into an equation--although it's not part of the theory, it's still amusing.
  
  
  If X = your attractiveness to the opposite sex,
  Y = your pickiness level,
  N = your network,
  Z = your success potential,
  
  Then,
  
  (X - Y) * N = Z
  
  So, generally, what you want to do is to increase your Z, or your Success Potential. You'll notice that, looking at the equation, if you're so much less attractive than your pickiness level (which in turn becomes a negative number), and you happen to have A LOT of friends (N), then Z will be a high negative value. In other words, everyone will know how picky and unattractive you are, thus not only decreasing your chances, but people will even avoid you (thus the negative Z variable). In other words, you'll get a bad rep. Street cred's down the drain, homey.

  
  
  EDIT: This is a self-improvement model, not a rule of dating. It is not meant to compare yourself to anybody, but to compare yourself to your bare minimum standard. Fact is, one person will always be better in some way than the other person. It's meant for guys who complain that there aren't good ones out there and older women who complain there aren't good ones out there. Either they need to improve, be less picky, and/or meet more people. Often though, what people do instead is they get depressed, starts eating more, up their pickiness even higher, and stay in their house all day. (We love to self-sabotage ourselves, don't we?)
  
  Now, some may get this idea that I know a lot about relationships, or I date a lot. Haha! Nope, not true at all! I am merely passing the knowledge around. Heh heh. I'll will admit that I tend to go with the idea that "you know a lot when you realize you know very little."
  
  
  

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