Miss Walrus
It seems like our society is obsessed with the idea of "dating," but does anybody really do it?
Now, maybe it's just my age group (20-23ish), but it seems like nobody really knows how to casually date. Let's take, for example, my friend who we will call S. A couple weeks ago, she met the traditional tall, dark & handsome man while we were out dancing. They hit it off - on the dance floor, at least - & decided to swap numbers. Everything seemed peachy. He waited a few days to call & ask her to go on a real date & she accepted.
However, it was after that first date that stuff started to get a little weird. Guy - after one measly date at the bowling alley - decided that he wanted my friend. Exclusively.
What's up with that? Whatever happened to dating more than one person at once? And at least waiting until the SECOND or THIRD date to decide to go all out boyfriend-girlfriend?
When is it okay to date more than one person? When you have only gone on one or two dates with either? And when is it not? When you're sleeping with one?
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Comments (34)
I always thought it was wrong to date more than one person at the same time...?
I think that unless it has been labeled as exclusive (or there is reason to think it is) then it's fine to date other people. When my boyfriend and I started dating we went 2 or 3 dates before we really became exclusive, but he didn't ask me out officially (I made him ask me before I would let him call me his girlfriend) until we'd been seeing each other for about 3 weeks, a few times a week. After my first date with him, I went on a date with someone else, but then decided I really wanted to put all my effort into seeing him more. Honestly, I've never really been in a position to have more than one guy interested in me at a time! But as long as no one's feelings get hurt then I think it's fine.
It's never okay.
It is not absolutely wrong, but it gets very complicated.
If you can deal with it handle and live with it in your heart, then yes, but I doubt people would put up with you.
We can meet different people, but, we cannot commit to different people.
By committing, I mean when you get into a relationship, regardless of how serious or inot serious it is.
it's ok as long as communication is clear between all parties involved that the dates are nonexclusive.
When the person you are seeing does not want to commit and you so. In that case you require more options and should be honest with the other person on your intentions.
@ViciousGrin63@xanga - dating multiple people at the same time even if it's one date seems morally wrong to me.
But back on topic, is there something wrong with wanting to date the other person exclusively after one date? I find it normal to want to pursue one girl only after a date and if it doesn't work out then you try to move on to the next.
So long as all individuals know you are dating openly, it should be fine. However people get attached easy and it becomes complicated a lot of the time.
However, there are people like myself who date one person at a time. I date to find the right one, and I feel I will
have to know the person at least 2 yearsbefore making critical decisions. You never really know someone within 1 year.
If you're going to casually date, its best to make your intentions know to the datee. Let them know that its a casual "get to know you" period with no "exclusive" titles. Then nothing can be take the wrong way.
And after one date? Homeboy MUST have some kind of abandonment issues or something. Pass on that one.
Its only fair to see whats out there before committing, but don't think its not fair for the other party do to the same. When its exclusive time, both parties must agree. You don't want to get locked in with Mr. wrong. Trust me on that one.
Most adults get it. I just wonder why college kids dont.
Just be careful about sleeping with people on dates. That puts you in very different and very touchy grounds.
It's always okay to date more than one person, until you have the talk to be exclusive. If asked, I would be upfront about letting them know that I'm dating more than one person.
No. But if both you and the other persons are in an open relationship then I don't think there should be a problem since you're not comitted to the other persons.
I think that as long as all parties are on the same page dating a couple people at the same time is fine.
My boyfriend and I hung out A LOT before deciding to be official, not just two or three dates. More like ten or eleven.
There is a fine line between dating casually and exclusively.
I think its messed up to be dating two people at once.. Its the same as cheating.. Its not fun.
the fact that my bf were dating me n another gal at the very beginning still bothered me from time to time, althou after all, he "chose" me and we committed to each other..
casual dating is almost nonexistent. it's such a shame.
I've never been asked out, so I don't know the rules of casual dating. It's more taboo now I think. It's weird for stranger men to come up to a woman and ask for her contact information and whether they can meet exclusively at a set location to be together. It's tainted from media blowups of rape and abuse stories.
I don't know the rules of casual dating. I have only been in two relationships and they both started off as friendships.
I think it's a shame that people can't date and get to know each other before being boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't see the point in dating a stranger who you only know after a day or two.
xo
I think casual dating went out the window with when people started having sex a lot faster. Maybe that's not what happened with your friend, but there seems to be some relationship between the two factors.
It does suck that you don't get that time of limbo before deciding whether or not you really want to be that persons SO.
Make sure you call them the right name... Otherwise it might get pretty awkward.
If your friend wants to be DATING, she needs to be upfront about it and be clear. For about two months, I was a DATING NUT. I was meeting 3-4 guys for first and second dates and I made sure I told EVERY ONE that I am NOT looking for exclusive at the moment. I didn't have time to invest in one person and dedicate every weekend to that individual. And I didn't want whoever it was to forfeit the chance of meeting someone else either...
Of course, a couple of guys didn't agree with my "dating phase" but since I said it directly and up front, nobody accused me of "leading" them on. So I suggest your friend to do the same with the guy if she doesn't want to get exclusive.
And ps: some people want exclusive because they think it'll get them laid. I don't know why they think that way but it happens more often than you'd think.
i've always dated more than 1 guy at a time just because i like to keep my options open because we're not in a committed relationship. it's not like it's serious, it's just dates and hanging out together.
dating more than one person at once ? nah.
you can hang out as friends, but i don't think you can "date" more than one person at once, it's like leading people on with a license, just doesnt work.
@ViciousGrin63@xanga - Ditto!
No matter if it's casual or serious, I only date one person at a time.
I think both parties should talk and make it clear in the beginning of their relationship what their "status" is and so forth.
When I was dating, I never had the "exclusive" talk with anyone. Whoever I'm dating, we were automatically exclusive because we were "dating" each other. Not the "Oh, I'm dating you but I'm also dating her," crap. That was consider cheating to us back in the days. Lol.