Wednesday, 29 July 2009
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Is She Throwing Her Life Away for Him?
Earlier this week, I came across a post called Will You Wait For Me?. Now, I have a friend named Justine. Her problem/situation is similar to that post. She's been going out with her boyfriend for 8 weeks. During those 8 weeks, she spent every day with him. Recently, he moved to Australia for his job career. But before he moved, Justine told me that he's going to be there for a year, and if he likes it there, he's going to be staying.
One day, she texted me with the following: "Girls, Justine may be pregnant :)" At first I thought: "Oh dear..a teenage pregnancy. One of my best friends is pregnant." But then I thought, "Wait a minute..I bet this is one of her jokes.." So I texted her back saying, "Congratulations for ruining your life :)," or something along those lines. Then she texted back saying, "LOL. Not really." I felt really relieved. But then she texted back saying she hoped she was. I just kept questioning why?
She told me that it's so that she can move with him to Australia and that her boyfriend wants kids as soon as possible so he can see them grow up because his mom died when he was eleven, and he's scared that he will too. I asked her if she thought that she was a bit young to be having a baby? After all, she is only 17 and he's 18. I don't want to see a best friend of mine turning out to be one of those teenage moms, especially not one as clever as her. She told me that she doesn't give a sh** how old she is as it was besides the point, just as long as they both have something to share, and she wants to be with him forever. The fact that she wants to be pregnant makes me think that she is throwing her life away.
She told me that she'd do anything for this guy. But I also think that its a good thing that he is taking responsibility with her and actually wants a baby with her. From the texts that she forwarded to me from him, it sounds that he really loves her, and that he is really sad about his girlfriend not being pregnant in the end. I asked her if she is going to wait for him. She said that she will. So I told her that she might forget about him after a couple of months due to not seeing them for that long as I have experienced before. She told me that she will never forget about him and that she loves him. So I asked her if it was really love? Because she is still young, and she can't let it blossom into love at her age. She was definitely determined that it was love. I stopped questioning her about that because I don't know how she's feeling, only she does. Justine told me that she is going to be selfish and hopes that he comes back after six weeks. Before this, I said to her that he's not considering her feelings if he is just leaving. But she told me that it was for his future, so she's not going to stop him.Then she told me that she's allowed to be selfish sometimes.
She called me later, crying on the phone, telling me that she is going to drop out of college to be with the guy, and not go to university and get her qualifications, just so she can be with him.
Is she really allowed to be selfish? Do you think she's still a little young to be having someone's baby after 8 weeks of going out? Is it really love? Should she really do all this for a guy?
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- From: retardtm@xanga
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Comments (47)
ugh... sounds like she's throwing away her life to me. She only went out with the dude for 8 weeks? spent everyday with him huh? 56 days together? must be love LOL
there are some issues here... like can she even take care of a kid? that's not a joke. I seriously think there should be a test for people to be able to be parents... too bad we can't really implement that...
ohh dear, something's wrong with your 17 year old friend..
Young people are fucking idiots.
This has got to be extremely annoying for you.
I don't see why it's not love. That's pretty much what makes people do completely idiotic things. She'll do what she wants.
And that's what everyone should do.
I dropped out of high school in November of 2008 and got married 6 days before I turned 18. He was in the Navy. I dated him for 8 months. The entire time we dated he was in boot camp and the A school. We were only friends before that. (I live in North Carolina) I moved to Washington state to live on base with him... lets just say I did a lot more than what she is doing for a guy... We're separated getting a divorce. :/
Its not my place to say whether its real love or not since I dont know these two. But I dont agree with the ideas and decisions these two are making.
The guy said he wants kids ASAP, but has he really thought through the idea of having kids? Once you have kids you no longer live your life for yourself, you live it for your kids. You're not just responsible for them for the next 18 years, you're responsible for them till the day you die. And its a big comittment both emotinally & finacially. Is he really prepared for all that? Is SHE really prepared for all that?
Honestly it doesnt really sound like it.
Back to the love part of it. If it IS true love then why are they rushing it so much? They're going to be together forever regardless, right? Love doesnt have an age, so I wont doubt they are in love but its hard to know how true your love is when it hasnt been tested. Have they had hard times yet? Its only been about 2 months. Maybe him moving to Australia will give them a chance to test their love. If he decides to stay in Australia then possibly she can consider moving there if thats what she truely feels in right for her.
But either way you should tell her this:
YOU SHOULDNT FIT YOUR FUTURE INTO A MAN, YOU SHOULD FIT A MAN INTO YOUR FUTURE.
@NadoAngel@xanga - for the freakin' win.
This is all put in different lingo than I'd put it in, but it's SPOT ON for my money.
His case for wanting a kid is reactive, not active. That speaks of unpreparedness. Maybe they'll make it, but his desire for a kid sounds unthought and immature to me. Her reaction, this "I'm so in love, I'm gonna dive off the deep end to Australia, pregnant" sounds like pure Hollywood. I mean, props to the two of them for their intensity, but intensity without reason is a formula for, quite literally, driving your car off a cliff just for the pure thrill of it.
Why are children running around thinking they're adults and capable of handling situations that even adults have trouble with?
your friend doesn't sound especially mature... and all this after 8 weeks? geez. she's got a bad case of puppy love. it's somewhat understandable, but someone needs to knock sense into this child.
Sorry about your worries. I really believe that she's young and although some people are more mature than their age, I think you friend is being very reckless. She only dated the guy for 8 weeks, she hardly knows him. Even being with my SO for a year, I still think I have a lot to learn about him and about our relationship. If your friend is "obsessed" with her bf, and I wouldn't consider that love. Her whole life is revolved around her bf and she doesn't see anything else. She should think about her future career, financial stability, etc. She's deciding on a path of hardship. Let's say she doesn't go to college and does get married to her bf and have kids, that's the happy ending right? Wrong! How can she help her husband support the family financially, physically and emotionally? How will she raise her kids? Is she responsible and capable of having a family of her own? There are just so many things to think about and plan before she makes such a rash decision. She isn't being mature or responsible if she only thinks that as long as she's with him nothing else matters. Because maybe now it won't matter, but later if she depends on him too much, he might be exhausted and then problems will hit her in waves. You should really talk to your friend and reason with her and if she doesn't listen to you at all (or even give it some thought), then there really is nothing you can do. I wish you luck!
Don't let her do iiiiiit! When I was 17 (not that long ago) I remember how I was and I'm glad that I didn't make any major decisions based on my feelings for a guy,although everyone thought I was still crazy.
Sounds drastic. But what are you gonna do? It's her life. She can throw it away if she'd like.
Warning bells are going off in my head. She's only known this guy for 8 weeks and she wants a kid with him? So she can move with him to Australia? Hell, you don't need a kid in order to move to Australia to be with the man you love (or think you love). Save up the money and go. That aside, I think her reasons for wanting a kid aren't the right reasons, and I question her ability to care for said kid once he/she comes along. And what's worse she is going to drop out of college for this guy. What if things don't work out, then what? She's screwed. She shouldn't throw her dreams away for some guy she practically doesn't even know. On a personal note, I don't have the finances to settle down with my fiance right now even after two years of being together. I've got things I have to accomplish first before that can happen. However, it's her life and if she's going to do this, in the end that's her own decision and she'll have to find out the hard way the consequences of said actions.
you mentioned she was clever? really?
i can't say that it's love or it's not love because i'm not her but for her to be so young and wanting to have someone's baby is very immature. i mean how are they going to live? having a baby is scary thing, because if you're not completely stable, how do you expect to bring that child into the world? my advice is to stay young and just enjoy your youth while you still have it.
Even if they were planning to marry, she should still go to college. What if they divorce? What skills will she have? What if something happens to him and she has to take care of their kids and a mortgage by herself? She really needs to think of these things.
your friend has NO idea what she's doing. she's hormonal, head-over-heels in love, emotional and on top of all this, living in this "fairy tale" idea of what life will become once she's pregnant and with him in Australia. How will they support themselves? What if the honeymoon stage falls through and they break up? Can she be willing to live on her own as a single mother?
and what about her future?... college...education... can he be with a woman, to be his wife and the mother of his children, who is impulsive and without a future?? i don't know... i think you shouldn't question her about it because she can't hear anything that's coming out of your mouth anyways... but be there for her just in case her brain regains some sense and reason.
Is she really allowed to be selfish?
I don't really know about that phrase. A lot of people use that in a cliche-way. I also don't know her, so I don't know what she has done that would allow her to be "selfish."
Do you think she's still a
little young to be having someone's baby after 8 weeks of going out?
I, personally, believe that no matter how long they have been going out, she is too young to have a baby, but also, yes, they haven't been going out long and it's a lot to invest in something so fragile and new as their relationship.
Is it really love?
I think a lot of the "love" she says she has for this guy is probably stemmed by the desire and missing she feels for him, since he is away.
Should she really do all this for a guy?
If she truly believes in her heart that she should, then yes. Because I'm pro-choice, and despite the right or wrongness of the situation, I believe it would be wrong of anyone not to support her for her choice, like her friends and family.
When I was 17, I was a very, very different person. And it was only 5 years ago.
You think you know yourself and what you want, but at that age you are really still a child. You have no idea how much you will change in that short amount of time.
Women need to learn that there is no man alive that you truly NEED. If you can love this one, you can love another one. He is not the "be all, end all" of love. Take care of yourself and your own shit, then once that's finished, maybe let a guy in, if he's truly worthy.
She's stupid. Totally tell that to her face. I'm serious! Marriage and having kids isn't a game. And it certainly isn't a fairy-tale ending. Being "in love" doesn't give you that happy ending that you fantasize. Things change. Responsibility is needed. Intense feelings and ambitions aren't enough to create that wanted world. Totally stupid. She's biting off more than she could chew. But from the way it sounds, she's absolutely going to do anything for this guy no matter what you tell her.
She calls you on the phone crying? Gimme a break. You need to knock some sense into her because she is being so disgustingly impulsive. I agree with everyone else -- 8 weeks and true love. Aw that's cute. NOT! Your friend and her boyfriend's intentions are sweet and pure. I'll give you that. But they're so blinded that they cannot see the responsibility that is required. They will no longer live for themselves but for someone else. Can they both absolutely devote all of their lives to a baby?
Yes. Your friend is crazy for giving up her entire future for a guy she's only known for 2 months.
Warning: This is a huge rant that contains ageism and sexism. Don't read if you're just gonna give me crap on it, I'm stating my opinion here. First amendment, beeotch.
Young girls are so stupid for being heckled into this "I'll do ANYTHING because I LOVE him" -crap. (Yes, I'm a female that hates women)
First of all, she's too young. At that age, teenagers like to think that their opinion is right and that no one's say in the matter...well..MATTERS. She's probably one of those girls who believe in "true love" and that he's "the one".
Why the HELL would you throw your life away for someone who's never THERE. And god forbid she reproduces! She's a clingy psycho who is using her "pregnancy" just to be close to some guy she'll just break up with!
Are you willing to ruin your ENTIRE life just for something temporary?! It's like SUICIDE, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem! WTF!?
That girl needs to be slapped, then back-handed to knock some sense to that brain of her's. Yes, harsh, but I'm not one to sugar-coat my words.
She's only 17 for god's sake! What people want at 17 is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than what they want at 21, or 30. Our tastes in a mate keep changing as time goes by. Hell, what if she ruins her life, the guy loses interest in her, then what? She's going to be closing all these doors of opportunities. What about college? Money? What if she meets someone BETTER at college, but she blew that chance because she decided for herself that she was going for something "lifelong" with someone who'll probably break up with her once they find someone better in Australia?
In my opinion, she sounds like she has low self esteem and probably always needs someone by her side.
What an idiot.
If you're a good friend, snap her out of this stupidity.
Girls like these make me ashamed to be female. She's got issues, man.
For all the girls out there, know this: No man is worth throwing your life away. Either they go with your dreams and plans, or you find someone better who will. You don't need another obstacle. Too many young girls are destroying their lives and I hate how it's becoming a social norm.
Girls are stupid creatures.
- Kunoichi
Australia? Kids? A seventeen year old? EIGHT MONTHS?
..oh dear fuck....
I highly reccomend hitting this deluded girl over the head with a large rock.
I don't know... I got engaged to my husband after dating him for 6 weeks. But I was also 22 with a college degree, so maybe that makes a difference. Sounds like she thinks she's in love. But I don't know if she really is... only she knows that. Is she doing something smart? Probably not.
True love or not, the girl still needs to think about practicality. She could truly be in love for all we know, but to rush into something completely unprepared for is absolute idiocy.
Where are her parents?