For some reason, my ex-boyfriends' girlfriends never like me. To the point where my ex-boyfriends are banned from talking, seeing, or communicating with me in any way. For me this is a huge stumbling point because I always have and hope I always will continue to have great relationships with my ex-boyfriends. When a relationship ends in my life it doesn't boil out and vanish in a puff of smoke. We stop holding hands. We stop fucking. We stop coming to each other for every little thing. This does not mean that my love for them is extinguished or our friendship has disappeared.
When a relationship ends people let go of everything. I don't do that. When I build relationships I build friendships and just because the relationship is over doesn't mean the friendship has to be. I know this is very different from many other people who cannot distinguish between the two and cannot make an easy separation. It can be hard to keep someone close who used to be close in a different way. But I digress, that's not the point of this post. The point is that I do not and cannot understand women who control who their boyfriend does and does not talk to.
The biggest and foremost problem is trust. If you cannot trust your boyfriend to talk to his ex-girlfriend, why are you dating him? You do not need to trust his ex-girlfriend. She can try to make a move, but if he is truly committed to you then he will not follow along. And - actually - if an ex-girlfriend is making a move on your boyfriend and your boyfriend really loves you he would probably become offended by this action and not be friends with her anymore. I know that might sound confusing reading it out, but think about it. If he loves you, he won't be chasing someone else down. If he doesn't love you, what does it matter what he does?
After Aaron and I broke up his new girlfriend didn't exactly say that we couldn't talk but she showed some dissatisfaction in Aaron's and my friendship. It was so much that every time he talked to me she would bitch and moan and put on a face. Because of that, we went over a year without talking. It was too much of a stress on his relationship with her to be friends with me. And when I say friends, I don't mean someone you come to talk to when you have emotional problems or see all the time. We would casually talk about our day, whatever we saw in the movies, normal stuff. She couldn't tolerate that. I don't know why.
David dated two people after he dated me. The first one deleted me off his Facebook, out of his phone, and talked shit about me. I had never met her. Actually - during the time when she began talking shit about me I didn't even know she existed. I called David after I realized I'd been deleted off his Facebook and asked if everything was okay. We'd been working on being friends and I was confused, I wanted to know what I'd done wrong. He said he had no idea what I was talking about and had a talk with his girlfriend who confessed to deleting me and said he could not add me back.
I had no interest in dating him again, I just wanted to know how life was.
His latest girlfriend he moved in with expressed such discontent that David still talked to me that he and I didn't talk for six months. She was convinced that I was trying to get him back. When I heard this, I asked with open curiosity:
How does me being in love with someone else, dating him for over two years, and moving over 100 miles away mean that I am trying to get you back? He said he didn't know. I didn't know either. I was convinced his new girlfriend was a psychotic lunatic. But was she? Is it possible that all the girls my ex-boyfriends have dated are psychotic? Is that possible? Really? Because I don't think there are really that many psychos out there. Like, legit maniacs. But they all act like one. It was making my head hurt.
Keep this in mind: If your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is talking to him, it doesn't mean she is trying to get him back. It doesn't mean he is cheating on you. It doesn't mean that he is still interested in her. If you cannot trust your boyfriend to have female friends and remain connected to the people in his life that are important to him then you do not deserve his love and commitment. A relationships foundation is trust. Without trust you cannot function. Do not blame your (probably hormonal) paranoia on your boyfriend's "crazy ex-girlfriend".
We're good people. We're friendly people. And
typically we don't have cruel intentions.
lorelei@xanga
True
Comments (68)
I get it in the sense that it makes them uncomfortable. But, my husband still has friends that are exes. I don't care. If he wanted them, he wouldn't have married me. He thinks the same way, that's why he doesn't care if I have exes that are friends.
I think a lot of it has something to do with insecurities.
But, for a girlfriend to think that you're trying to get your ex back when you're in love with (or married to!) someone else is prettttty annoying.
Sometimes logic needs to take over and kick emotion out. Then they would see that you don't want your exes. And it's not like you're having deep, emotional conversations with them.
But, it's just easier to walk away if the girlfriend is upset about it. It makes life a lot more drama free.
Chicks have insecurities. Respect the boundaries. There isnt any drama that way.
I think the majority of women want 'forever' relationships.
They're prone to hating your kind; you're comfortable with the person without the relationship.
Ultimately, women that want to be your absolute 'best ever' are a bit overbearing in the long run.
I'd much rather have a woman focusing on being my last, then focus on being my 'best ever'.
Consider this; in this day and age, it's common to find people who confuse relationships for ownership.
Too True
Has it crossed your mind that perhaps he still has feelings for you? And that maybe his girlfriends see this and worry that he will try to get you back? Talking about random crap for hours at a time is not something most guys generally do with ex-girlfriends who they have no romantic interest in. I'd be suspicious of him if I were a girl dating him.
agreed!!! great post...
@royally_jacked - Lulz
@royally_jacked@xanga - that's true.
i just dislike ex whatevers, when they don't respect the fact the boyfriend is in a relationship with me or that certain things are off limits. there are boundaries and some of them, think because they were there before me, they should get special treatment. ain't gonna happen.
xo
@JessxMaxine@xanga - its not like i dont like the exes. It just that you have to have a certain boundary. I dont think its right if your boyfriend hangs out with his ex all the time. Staying friends is fine, but too much of the seeing each other makes the now girlfriend think. Then that just leads to un-necessary drama
Most women are all crazy. It's sooo annoying how paranoid every girl gets. Sure I get paranoid but not psycho status I never say or show I'm paranoid and usually I'm paranoid for no reason.
Take a chill pill and relax psycho girlfriends! Try & become Girlfriend minus the psycho. We'll all be much happier.
@royally_jacked@xanga - no, i get you. i know what you mean. i was nice to my boyfriend's exes and didn't have a problem with them, until they started with a me. my "that's true" was a reply to what you said... everything else was just a reply to the entry. not you.
xo
@JessxMaxine@xanga - I got that by the enter you put lol. I just wanted to comment on what you said after haha.
I agree...girls are just so insecure
Its crazy because im going through the same thing. in fact i believe my ex boyfriend from 4yrs ago current gf is stalking and pank calling me due to the fact that we've remained friends
No matter how hard people work on this. It doesn't ever work like you would like it to.
There's an old saying, You can't have your cake and eat it to.There are so many stories out there and they make a lot of sense. The more people come into this world, it seems like society needs a reality check. Because what man/ women are doing isn't working. The reality check today is: people, you heading the wrong way on a one-way.If the Government heads this way, what do you think the sheep will do. This isn't rocket science.NASA is not needed. They only go up, and guess what? They have no choice but to come down. Isn't it bizzarre how the human mind actually works. 95% of the time it doesn't. This is a politically run society. Oh yea, you ask about the other 5% of the time. Well thats for listening to our leaders of the world that are really taking us No-Where. This is why sweetheart you are standing in a world of mass confusion about why you feel your ex's don't like you anymore. If people were actually taught how to like each for life. Our divorce stat wouldn't be running neck in neck with our deficit. Our leaders of today are really taking mankind on a fast track to No-Where. Is this why people are so forceful when it comes to wanting sex. Because they might get to enjoy life for a second or two. Do a reality check and find out where the phrase We're done, move on" came from, and what it actually means. Clue: Michael Jackson describes it best. "Beat It". The older you get, the easier it becomes. Just like being at the Jack-ass Of a Boss. Get it, J.O.B., if you missed it. Isn't life great, if we don't like it, we throw it away, not a care in the world. I wanna be trained by these same leaders in the next world! "NOT" Be a truck driver and just keep rolling on, or was that movin' on. Have a great day, the summer is half over and that means it's just about winter for people to go inside and pump out more babies to go through the same crap in twenty or so years we complain about today.she's just uncomfortable because she knows that he really used to like you, and is afraid that she won't be good enough for him. when her boyfriend is hanging out with his ex, even if it is just as friends, then he can still remember all their memories and as a result, make comparisons between his ex and his current girlfriend. people always make comparisons in relationships, whether it be subconsciously or consciously, and being around your ex can fuel that even more. girls don't want to have to live up to how their boyfriend's ex was, because no matter how hard they try, they can't.
so I don't blame the girls for not wanting their boyfriend to talk to you, even if they're going a bit too far. but as for the general idea, it's not as simple for some girls to accept that "if he still liked his ex, he wouldn't be dating me", and they only do it because they really like the guy. give the girl a break.
Well said.
While I understand your point, that's not necessarily true. My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend, even though he insisted that they were merely friends. He even agreed to stop talking to her when I suspected something was up. Turns out, he was with her the entire time. I had even contacted her but she played along with the game.
I think you just need to stop talking to them and make new friends if their girlfriends aren't comfortable with it regardless if you have good or bad intentions. Not all people are "cool" with the idea that their significant other is still friends with their exes. No matter how secure they are with their relationship, there's always that itty bitty insecurity in the back of their mind.
And some people, they just don't like ex girlfriends. Period.
i totally agree! but sometimes some girls are super insecure with the relationship..cause i was the same way before when my BF used to talk to his ex..an my ex's gf hates my guts as well...but thats life...some people are gonna hate for no apparent reason sometimes! LOL
I can see where you are coming from, but when it comes to the point where the ex's messages are just "in the face" of the current gf... then it's just courtesy to back off a little. who are you to tell them that it's ok? you had a relationship before, it's in anyone's nature to feel insecurity.
if you know that it affects them.. and you're still goin at it... then you're just a bitch.
I look at it this way, nobody controls who anyone else talks to, or they shouldn't anyway, and in most cases people can and will talk to whomever they want regardless if a new girlfriend/boyfriend likes it or not.
I don't ask that of anyone as I wouldn't want them to ask it of me, unless there is actually a reason other than jealousy and insecurity.
Most people can't handle exes being friends because it isn't someone that is usually done, it is foreign to them, they don't understand it, and for alot of people who do stay friends with an ex, they aren't innocent in wanting to be friends. They are trying to get their ex back, so when it is someone who does what them back, I do agree they shouldn't be there, period, even if the other says they are done and will not do anything.
The only way exes can be friends is if they are truly just friends, and neither is trying to get back together. I know enough girls who go after a friend of mine, no matter what he says about his current relationship, these "just friends" are always trying to get with him every time he goes out without his girl.And it's because of girls like that that other girls can't be trusted.
Funny. If I didn't know any better, I would think this was about me. I hate the ex. And my boyfriend's name is Aaron. But anyway, she didn't move 100 miles away and she had a tendency to want to visit him on our 1 year anniversary, Valentine's Day, and still call him daily, while leaving a blog up admitting she will forever be in love with him. So I suppose that makes my situation a bit different.
Why do I get this "why are my ex's new girlfriends hating on little bitty ol' me?" victim tone/vibe from this entry? You can call it insecurity or whatever, but if you're a true friend to your ex boyfriend and his new girl has a problem with you, respect boundaries and just lay off. It's not fair, but at the same time we don't know if you've demonstrated any threatening behavior toward there relationship.
sometimes its not about you, its about them. if you two had met, im sure she'd love to be friends with you. in this case, you'd have to take the initiative and say, hey _____, i'd like to meet your girlfriend. you're my friend, and you're an important part of your life. then when you meet face to face, she'll see how you and your ex interact, and KNOW FOR SURE that you have no more feelings for him. its just a little sketchy for his girlfriend when she doesn't know you, doesn't know what you guys are talking about, etc etc. to her, it just all seems suspicious. the less suspicious you try to make it, such as after you guys get acquainted, calling her instead of your ex to talk, or just to say hi first before talking to your ex, is fine. that way, there will be no reason for her to be jealous/insecure about your friendship with her boyfriend.