Wednesday, 29 July 2009
-
The One Thing You Can't Say...
What is the one thing you should never say to your girlfriend when she is being irrational?"Baby, you are being irrational."
That is a huge no-no my friends. A surefire way to get you kicked onto the proverbial couch (or in some cases the actual couch).
No matter how irrational your girl is being, you'd best stay away from pointing out the obvious. Nothing will enrage her mo re than you telling her that she is one big ball of hormones at the moment and you have no idea why she is acting so crazy.
Here is an example for you.
My girl and I were having a nice conversation the other day about an old friend of mine who happens to be a woman. I have spoken about this friend a bunch of times before as she is a good friend of my family's. We have known each other literally since we were both babies.
This friend has never had the opportunity to meet my girl and is coming to town to visit next month. She is in dire need of some new clothes and my girl loves to shop with people, so I said, "Hey baby, you should take her shopping. You could make her over, it would be fun." To which my girl replied, "what do you mean?" I told her that my friend is like one of those clumsy, dorky, but pretty girls from the movies that would really benefit from a makeover. This is where things went sour.
"Oh my god you are so lucky your friend is married."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Listen to you, you are gushing about this girl! She is sooo cute and dorky and pretty!"
I don't need to go much further for you guys to see that this escalated pretty quickly. I was highly offended because she was clearly pulling this shit out of her ass, and she was pissed because she was off her meds (there can be no other explanation!). During the spat that ensued I just kept thinking in my head, "you are so insecure sometimes." I dared not say it aloud because I know that is one of those things you just steer clear from if you're smart. After about ten more minutes of her lashing out at me my better judgement went out the window.
"I really don't appreciate you getting mad at me over your own insecurities."
That was the end of it. She gasped, gave me the evil eye for a sec, then walked out the room. Needless to say she gave me the cold shoulder for a while. That's what I get for telling the truth.
Now women, before you start clamoring, I will agree that men can also be guilty of projecting their insecurities or being irrational. Of course we can. The only difference is we are used to women telling us about ourselves. So if you tell me I am just being insecure I will either laugh it off and say whatever, or I will say yeah I am so what?! To a woman you are invalidating her existence by telling her something like that. She must be allowed to rant no matter how unnecessary it is. See the difference?
End analysis. Cue angry mob.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: ContemporaryInsanity@xanga
- Name: ContemporaryInsanity
- Location: Atlanta, Georgia, United States
- About Me: This site is about exploration and experimentation. If you happen to enjoy, then that is wonderful too.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 3 Views: 0 6008 Comments: 0 191 View all posts by ContemporaryInsanity@xanga
Comments (67)
I agree. The other thing you should never say is, "calm down." Oooo, nothing makes my blood boil more than that. Sometimes I just need to rant and I know I am being insecure and irrational, but I kinda want to get it out of my system and I'll say straight out, "I know it's irrational, but that's how I feel and I just needed you to listen." I think that's the key - wanting to be listened to. But that's just my two cents.
hmm ... this sounds like my relationship. women are emotional, not irrational. (at least that's what i tell my fiance)
-gets pitchfork & torch ready-
hahaha jk
women are VERY insecure. Like men, you must stroke their ego regularly or else we feel utterly disgusting & worthless.
But in my opinion I say be honest with the bitches! Gotta learn some time!
I agree with you. But it is not our fault we're all extremely jealous of each other. ^_^
@stunning_dor2@xanga - I CAN'T stand it when someone tells me to "calm down" when I'm not even getting worked up or when I am pretty calm -__-
well i mean. imagine she makes a comment about how small your penis is. you MAY laugh it off, but it would probably hurt a lot.
we DO usually know when we're being insecure, but it still kind of a blow to hear it. i'm not big and loud, but i'd probably go off and cry alone for a little while.
lol its funny i was watching how the view count kept going up but everyone was afraid to comment. . .
cause it IS true.
@JustGoneCrazy - Women ARE very emotional, little things that you told her might her her feelings. While she may be insecure about herself, another reason why she blew up on you might be she was insecure about your relationship when you gush about some other girl.
Try to give her more reassurance?
you can tell her she's being irrational (if she really is being irrational). people need to learn to take the non-sugarcoated truth.
there is a line between honest and mean, though.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - I agree.
we are emotional. i suppose, she is a tad jealous that you were saying about your friend, because in movies, the dorky kind of cute girl get a make over and turns into the hot girl. hahahaha.
she sounds like she just needed reassurance.
xo
I'm pretty sure there's worse things you could say.
I hate it when my boyfriend tells me that i'm upset about something that really isn't a big deal. that's what makes me upset and makes it a big deal. or he'll say i'm lying when i'm not. he says i'm insecure about myself and that i should just know that he loves me for who i am and he thinks im beautiful and that's what should matter. so then he says stuff about women and how hot so-in-so is and i get annoyed and he thinks its funny. but then when i joke about him and other girls (these are all women on tv, famous or not, not people in person, not that i can recall, anyway) then he gets pissed that im mad and he didnt do anything. when really i was just being playful about it and not passive agressive like he thinks i'm being.
Guys just don't get it sometimes. But when they do, isn't it amazing?
@JessxMaxine@xanga - I agree.
You probably would have been better off not mentioning the movie part because in the movies, the pretty yet awkward girl ends up being gorgeous and getting the guy. Not to mention "old friends" are intimidating to girlfriends because we don't know if there are any feelings that haven't been addressed over the years.
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with calling her out about her insecurites, because really, when women get mad about things like that, the first thing going through our heads isn't, "I'm feeling insecure about this girl so I'm going to accuse him of being attracted to her!" It's more like, "Oh my gosh, he sounds like he could have feelings for her." However, it's clearly not irrational. Your girlfriend had perfectly good reasons to feel insecure. She didn't react the right way...but it's rational.
I have more experience with my boyfriend projecting fears and insecurities because he isn't good at expressing his feelings. Usually he has to react to a situation to see how he feels about it (if that makes any sense at all) so he ends up getting mad at me, but at the end of the argument I find out I hurt his feelings when I said some little thing such-and-such time ago. Girls are more straight forward, and therefore you're going to know sooner (and with more vengeance) when you've done something to hurt them.
lol, i already knew the answer right when i read the title of the post. =D
This post is so full of win!
The truth hurts. XD
Nope. I think I should say that.
It technically isn't my fault that you are being irrational over something,unless it was something I did in order to make you that way, but then, its rational.
I'm a calm person most of the time, so projecting my insecurities upon someone else is highly unlikely.
It isn't their fault that something is wrong with me, its my own personal issue.
@MilkyWhitesezMoo@xanga - I would imagine most guys who are sarcastic individuals like myself, would simply reply: "But it's big enough to make you scream".
But of course, women who come up with negative sexual statements concerning their bfs, are saying it because either a) its true or b) they have no other ammo that they can come up with, imo.
@GiantUnicorn@xanga - men don't require as much ego stroking as women. Women can simply make themselves look like they need help with something, say thank you, and that's the ego boost for the day. Also, sex.
It's no one's fault that they react the way they do. I know that girls are usually pretty emotional, but you have to understand that the only reason that they are, at least in this case, is because they really care about you. If your girlfriend didn't love you or like you a lot, she wouldn't give a shit who you call pretty and who you gush about.
Yeah, she's insecure, but maybe that's when you're supposed to step in and let her know that you love her and that she's the only girl you care about. That's what she needs; she doesn't need you to state the obvious and say that she's insecure, because she already knows that.
I'm sure that she wishes she weren't insecure as well, so maybe instead of making her feel worse about it, you can instead give her reassurance so that she isn't insecure. You have the power to rid her of her insecurities, and if you're not going to do that, then don't get angry at her for how she reacts to things because again, she only does it because she's afraid of losing you. It would only be irrational if no matter how much you try to convince her that she's the only one you care about, she still gets angry at you. But then, that's being possessive, not necessarily insecure.
And about the comparison between guys and girls, it's just that girls are usually more sensitive/emotional than guys. I thought that guys already know that. Therefore, just because you react one way, you can't really expect us to react the same way, right?
@ivarahBharavi@xanga - This would all be well and good if girls didn't escalate "arguments" into ridiculous confrontations... irrationally. Don't tell guys to be understanding if you guys are at our throats over nothing. :P
Actually........the ONLY thing that you REALLY can't say is "yeah......you do look kinda fat in those jeans."
But you are very right. Its actually something I always struggle with. I'm very analytical and I can't help to try to think things through rationally. Irrational thought irks me........and when you ignore the most basic aspects of logic......it blows my mind.
I still continue to call out girls (or anyone for that matter) when they make irrational or illogical points. But I also realize I'm fighting a losing battle.
@Viserys@xanga - Well you see, YOU know it's nothing, but the girl doesn't know it's nothing, right? Because it means a lot to her. I'm sure that as a guy, there are things that mean a lot to you, whether it be relationship-related or not, that girls just don't understand. Sure they'll think it's stupid, but it's worth something else in your eyes.
Btw, I'm not a crazyass girl trying to defend myself; I'm just trying to be reasonable. Hahaha (:
women can be really freaky you know. I can't figure them out even though I'm one myself!
@Gerald_Washington@xanga - well but I mean, its more hurtful if its true.
...see?
but i'm not the type who makes petty attacks, ever. i once almost said something less than considerate, realized it, and apologized before anything else happened ... otherwise i wouldnt have been able to sleep. i'm not all that insecure about my bf's other friends either. he shows me plenty of reasons to believe i mean more :)
BUT if it is a different deep weakness or something, it might hurt me something awful inside. but i still try to stay out of the insanity spectrum and explain my feelings in a calmer tone.
@vanedave@xanga - pahahahaha! word.
Dude, there is a BIG freakin' difference between, "You're being irrational" and "You're being hormonal." Hormonal is a charge that means, "I win the argument because your hormones make you irrational." Irrational just means (except to women who hear "hormonal" in it) that the argument doesn't make sense.
I have known and argued with women who can take "you're being irrational." NO woman that I've ever known will take, "You're being hormonal." Smart women, however, will sometimes ADMIT, "I'm being hormonal right now." That's hot as hell, when that happens. It's like YES, self-knowledge, you RULE!!
Usually when I'm arguing with a woman, I'll find the point she's being irrational ABOUT (well, unless she's arguing about something where I'm wrong, in which case I'm wrong), and ask her about it. "Wait, do you think I'm attracted to that girl? What'd I say that made it sound that way?" and then maybe we're talking about our misunderstanding and it chills out the flames.