Wednesday, 29 July 2009
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Living Together Before Marriage: A Great Experience
Inspired by Revelife's post about living together before marriage, I wanted to ask Datingish about their experiences regarding living together before marriage.I live with my boyfriend, and I have for 2 years. I don't regret it one bit, especially since moving in with him changed my life for the better.
There are a lot of negative things being said about living with your significant other before marriage, but I firmly believe that it's a great experience and wonderfully positive if you are mature enough to handle the responsibility and stress.
Do you live with your boyfriend/girlfriend or fiance? What has changed with your relationship, if anything at all? If you don't live with your significant other, do you plan on doing so in the future?
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- From: cutesycharm@xanga
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Comments (69)
pretty smart first
idk what i think about it: i think it would depend on where i am in my relationship, but i think i would at least want to be engaged before moving in together.
When my husband and I first started dating....we were both stationed in Germany and living in barracks with the other single Soldiers. I would stay at his apartment that he shared with another Sergeant but it wasnt us living together. We wont live together till I move in with him in Louisiana. He lives there now and has been living there for the last month. And Im still in Germany waiting to separate from the Army. If I had a choice my husband and I would have had an apartment before we got married that way we knew what it would be like living together. You definitely learn from each other during this point. So why not go through it before you actually decide to tie the knot! I think you made a smart move.
I plan on living with the guy I'm relatively sure I'm going to marry (whenever he comes along/that feeling happens). It is better to find out as much as you can about someone before you enter a legally (and sometimes religiously) binding partnership. Nuff said.
I definitely plan on living with any SO before I decide to marry them. I think I'd rather learn firsthand whether or not I can handle their little ticks. lol.
that post seems more against premarital sex, anyway.
too late for that! lol
I'm about to move in with my bf of 10 months. We've been friends for 4 years prior, though. After I graduated in December, I lived with him for just over a month before I moved for a 6-month internship in another state. I learned a lot during that time, how I needed to not get so clingy and let him have his space after he gets done with work, and what not. That was our only issue. Granted, I was unemployed and couldn't do much outside, being it 30 below a lot in January. This time it's different; I have a full-time job, and it's summer.
It's really about compromise. The two of you have to be open and willing to make both of you happy, at least comfortable. Having alone time to yourselves is important too.
I've seen religious people get married because they thought God would damn them to hell or something if they lived together before they were married. They divorced soon afterward. I'd rather be a hellyun and have premarital sex and live with my boyfriend before I decide to marry him and get stuck with him forever.
I just think its so stupid and traditionalist to say that you should be married before doing either of those things. What if, after moving in with them, you found out they had serious anger issues? What if you had married them before moving in? Then you're trapped. "God" doesn't condone divorce either.
I've been going out with my BF for about 7 mos. now. My parents went back to my home country since the 4th of July and I have the whole place to myself. He's been living with me ever since. It feels really nice, I'm no where thinking about marriage but it just feels really nice to come home and see your SO, to cook dinner together, to watch tv together or even in separate rooms. We don't need to be with each other constantly even though we live under the same roof. He knows how to take care of himself and help out around the house. There were a few things that I didn't like, ie. leaving the toilet seat up. But those are minor problems and can be fixed with communication.
I am for living together before marriage. You should know how the other person really is when he/she is in their "comfort" zone or sanctuary. And see if you can handle it. And I agree with Mary, it's all about compromise.
I think that I would only move in with my boyfriend if he pretty much said that we're going to get married for sure or if I have a ring on my finger. It's a rule on that Millionaire Matchmaker show. I guess because once you move in with your SO, it's already like you're married and the man doesn't feel a need to propose and then if you realize that you have minor conflicts living together, it's over. Whereas if you were already married you are more likely to just work through it. I would just have to be sure that he's the guy that I'm going to marry before I make a commitment like moving in with him.
My boyfriend and I are planning on living together during college.
I think it will be good for us to get used to it before marriage, so that we have pretty much everything figured out by then.
My only catch is that we will at least have to be engaged before college. Otherwise, I won't be willing to get a place for the both of us. I'll still date him, but I'll just live in a dorm room with a girl or something.
My reasoning for this is because of family and personal attachment.
My cousin has been through a similar situation, and my family would look down on me and the actual relationship if I were to live with Corey before we were at least engaged.
And I know that I'll end up getting extremely attached to him during the process of sharing a home. Because of that, I'll want that commitment and reassurance of knowing that we'll be getting married eventually.
@freeeker@xanga - For the win!
I'm not into the whole deep religious connotations attached to marriage, enough to let it guide my behavior. I've lived with long-term partners before and will again.
I don't want to generalize about ALL people who get engaged/married, but I have seen more than a few friends play it where they HAVE to get engaged before they can move in together, and then they come with all of these expectations about how the MARRIAGE WILL BE, rather than how living with that person ACTUALLY IS, and then it's their bad expectations which fuck up the very relationship they're idealizing.
I've lived with my boyfriend for about a year now. Sometimes its really hard and i cant help but want to move out, but i think the good times make up for it. Having someone there with you to help out and everything is great.. teamwork!! :)
There's always downsides to everything, so it can never be perfect. But yes, I think you should live with someone before you get married. Deffinatly.
My last boyfriend of three years, we moved in about a year and a half into the relationship and then we broke up a year and a half later.
He wasn't mature enough to handle the situation.
If I was gone and he was home he'd get mad or if I wanted to go somewhere and he wasn't home he wanted me to wait on him.
He definitely wasn't mature enough for us to move in together.
I'm currently dating someone a year or two older than the last boyfriend, he seems more mature, we're about to head into 6 months of our relationship and if we ever moved in together it would be hectic I'm sure, seeing as how I'm a mess and he's a neat freak; but it wouldn't be a big deal, because we aren't clingy and we aren't immature about the situation at hand.
I'm single. lol The guy I'm talking to is WAY awesome, but it hasn't gotten that far yet. lol
I'm single. lol The guy I'm talking to is WAY awesome, but it hasn't gotten that far yet. lol
gotta test drive the car before you buy it
I'm going to want to live with my fiance before we get married, in the future. I don't want to move in with him after marriage and realize I get annoyed with everything he does indoors -___-
I have lived with my fiance for 3 years now and we love every minute of it :)
I think personally it was really important for me to get to live with him before we get married. It has help bond us and give each of us a glimpse into what our future is going to be like. I can't even imagine just getting married and then just jumping into living together......its so much nicer to get to do it a little bit before hand. <3 kk
I am planning on living with my boyfriend before we get married. :)
I think I would want to live with my fiance before getting married. That way you can get an idea of how they are on a daily basis, you'd get to see all the little things that might be a problem, and know that you can work through them, instead of things being a big issue once you are married and living together. And I would definately consider moving in with a boyfriend for the same reasons, I just haven't gotten to that point in a relationship yet!
I would definitely want to live with my boyfriend before (if) we get married. I would want to know that before making such a big commitment as marriage that we could handle spending so much time, and sharing such close quarters together.
I'd room with them if I got kicked out of my own house, but I generally like my own, private space. I don't like having someone else all the time with me.
I've been living with my guy for nearly 2 years now and It's been excellent. I've always been of the mind that I want to know what I'm getting into before I tie the knot,
For me, I wouldn't do it without the expectation out in the open, mutually agreed upon that eventually we'd be married. I've done it both ways, with and without the expectation. When it was a relationship were we were merely living together, it failed. When we KNEW we were moving to marriage in the future, it worked. But we lived like we were married because not much has changed since we tied the knot.